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18 Months Post Op; I Feel Like I’m Failing

N

NB223

Member
Hi all, it’s been a while since I’ve posted on here (I believe it was at my one year anniversary). I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, and from outward appearances I have had success, and yet on the eve of what should be a celebration, I feel disappointment in myself.
To get some stats out of the way, my highest weight was 425, surgery day was July 6, 2020 and I clocked in around 342 and my lowest weight was two weeks ago when I left the 30’s for BMI and weighed 179. I’ve since hovered between 179-181 and struggle to keep getting the holiday weight down.
I’m so grateful for the surgery; I know now I could have never done it without it. I’m disappointed that I haven’t changed my mindset as much as I had hoped. When I started this journey, I had an unsupportive boyfriend who hated the idea of surgery; it ultimately lead to the end of our relationship. I took the opportunity to focus again on myself, and I was doing well. I had moved to a new state to try to make our relationship work, and when it didn’t, it was just me out here alone. For a while it was nice because there were no social eating temptations and I only kept healthy foods in the house. I started a new relationship 7 months ago and I’ve struggled with social eating ever since. In the beginning, I just wanted to feel normal; to be able to go out on a date and eat a meal. By our second date, I couldn’t eat more than 2 bites and came clean about the surgery. My fiancée (engaged as of 3 weeks ago ☺) has been and continues to be very supportive. He doesn’t try to get me to make bad food choices, but temptation is around all the time now. I went from living alone and only having my healthy food around me to having tons of extra food in the house all the time. What complicates things more is his brother hasn’t moved out yet and he enjoys cooking every night and baking weekly. It’s not realistic to ask them to rid the house of any bad food, but I am miserably failing at navigating my new life. I haven’t gained weight, but from no efforts on my own. The surgery is saving me and even now I stay awake worried I’m stretching my pouch out. Everyone in the house committed to a healthier January and we all started tracking again. I am having troubles with cravings but trying to hide it since I should be the one with all this willpower. I worry I will forever have the “fat girl” mentality and everything will be a struggle.
I have so much to be grateful for, I feel guilty to even complain. I have much better health, I feel fairly good, I discovered I love biking, I had arm surgery in September to remove loose skin and my fiancée took care of me every step of the way.
I guess in my long winded rant I’m trying to ask, do you ever truly fight and win over your demons?? Will I always struggle with social eating? Do things get easier??
 
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Hi, NB. I had bypass on June 22, 2020, so we are about the same place post op. As far as worries go, I could have written your post myself. I still feel like mentally I just don't have it down yet. I guess I thought that once I had surgery and hit my goal, I would be "normal". Which in my mind involved never thinking or worrying about what I ate. Turns out, most people who weigh a normal amount think about food too. They have to make the same healthy decisions we do. I think the difference is, when they treat themselves, it's a treat. Many obese people turned treats into a lifestyle. I know I personally ate like a toddler allowed to make her own decisions lol

I am trying to get back/stay on track by tracking my foods, making sure I have easily accessible snacks/meals handy and making sure I get my water in. I have noticed that when eating lean, healthy protein or whole foods, I get full much faster and stay full longer. So, I am really trying to focus on those types of foods. But as for mindset, I'm starting to accept that I am who I am; my past with food is not just going to go away. I have to accept it and try to change my future mindset.

Practice makes perfect. You are succeeding. And if you're like me, it's not hard every single day. And it's been harder since the 'holidays' basically last from Thanksgiving to New Year, with specialty treats everywhere you go. I don't know if we're always going to have to struggle with food. I am just grateful that I have a tool to help me. I find it a lot easier to struggle at my current weight than my old one. Back then I felt like I had nothing to lose by making bad choices. Now I know.
 
I’m about 15 months out from surgery. I don’t think it gets any easier, especially when we put pressure on ourselves. When you said you should be the one with the willpower, it resonates with me. Willpower, for me, isn’t the issue. It’s more the mentality of equilibrium. By that I mean, we lose the weight, we get to a space where we’re happy, and then we struggle to navigate not needing to lose, but not wanting to gain. I personally am having that issue right now. I am refocusing on meeting at least 80 grams of protein a day and 64 oz of water, and if my calories and carbs are higher than I’m generally happy with, I try again the next day. When I meet my protein and water goals, I focus on those successes. Remembering why I had the surgery in the first place, what I’m accomplishing long term by maintain my current weight, and finding the mental support I need it is what I try to concentrate on during my struggles. Since I don’t go out socially often, I don’t struggle in that aspect, but my suggestion would be try to go for protein when making food choices.
 
Welcome back NB and congrats on your engagement! I am glad you found someone who is supportive. I have to congratulate you on what a great job you have done. I understand your feelings and don't want to downplay your concerns but in my eyes you are doing well not having regain. I think a few pound leeway is normal, especially for women.

Regain is something I have been struggling with and working hard now that the holidays are over to get back on track. I struggle with my demons all the time as I have a strong addiction to food. I have to overlook temptations around the house that are there for other family members and some days it is harder than others. So those are my demons. We don't eat out much socially, but sometimes I will order a healthy appetizer and tell the waitress I want it as my entree and then order a small salad when others are eating theirs.

Unfortunately WLS is not a magic fix, especially for those with eating disorders. In that case I think the struggle will always be there. But surrounding yourself with people who get that is a huge help.
 
Thank you all for your words of encouragement and sharing your own personal feelings. I took what you said to heart and decided to be honest with my fiancée about my struggles. We both agreed to eat the food that I’m preparing and avoid social eating for a while. I feel guilty that he’s sacrificing but at the same time I appreciate the support. He wanted to lose a few pounds though so he is on board and supportive It’s hard to accept that this will be forever a struggle, but I think it will always just be a part of who we are.
 
NB223 said:
Hi all, it’s been a while since I’ve posted on here (I believe it was at my one year anniversary). I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, and from outward appearances I have had success, and yet on the eve of what should be a celebration, I feel disappointment in myself.
To get some stats out of the way, my highest weight was 425, surgery day was July 6, 2020 and I clocked in around 342 and my lowest weight was two weeks ago when I left the 30’s for BMI and weighed 179. I’ve since hovered between 179-181 and struggle to keep getting the holiday weight down.
I’m so grateful for the surgery; I know now I could have never done it without it. I’m disappointed that I haven’t changed my mindset as much as I had hoped. When I started this journey, I had an unsupportive boyfriend who hated the idea of surgery; it ultimately lead to the end of our relationship. I took the opportunity to focus again on myself, and I was doing well. I had moved to a new state to try to make our relationship work, and when it didn’t, it was just me out here alone. For a while it was nice because there were no social eating temptations and I only kept healthy foods in the house. I started a new relationship 7 months ago and I’ve struggled with social eating ever since. In the beginning, I just wanted to feel normal; to be able to go out on a date and eat a meal. By our second date, I couldn’t eat more than 2 bites and came clean about the surgery. My fiancée (engaged as of 3 weeks ago ☺) has been and continues to be very supportive. He doesn’t try to get me to make bad food choices, but temptation is around all the time now. I went from living alone and only having my healthy food around me to having tons of extra food in the house all the time. What complicates things more is his brother hasn’t moved out yet and he enjoys cooking every night and baking weekly. It’s not realistic to ask them to rid the house of any bad food, but I am miserably failing at navigating my new life. I haven’t gained weight, but from no efforts on my own. The surgery is saving me and even now I stay awake worried I’m stretching my pouch out. Everyone in the house committed to a healthier January and we all started tracking again. I am having troubles with cravings but trying to hide it since I should be the one with all this willpower. I worry I will forever have the “fat girl” mentality and everything will be a struggle.
I have so much to be grateful for, I feel guilty to even complain. I have much better health, I feel fairly good, I discovered I love biking, I had arm surgery in September to remove loose skin and my fiancée took care of me every step of the way.
I guess in my long winded rant I’m trying to ask, do you ever truly fight and win over your demons?? Will I always struggle with social eating? Do things get easier??
Click to expand...
Hello. I'm 18 years out. In the beginning, it was difficult for me to adjust because my husband could eat everything and not gain a pound. But, I new what I needed to do and looked at it as my new lifestyle. I know what I need to do. I've gained 40lbs over the last 8 or 9 months. Could be meds or pre menopause. It gets easy because I know what I use feel like with all the weight. I vowed I never get to 200lbs. I'm there now and I'm not liking it. So, there's ups and downs. But we have to be proud of how we have maintained our lifestyles. I don't deny myself whatever I want. I know how much to eat. If I deny that makes me indulge
So, I get a little and I'm satisfied. Congratulations
 
I'm 14 years out and I can go up and down, but I always snap back to my norm. I worked hard to get to my goal so I could live a happy life and there's no food that could lure me back to failure.

As you say, you know how you got here and how to get back. Only your motivation can control your actions.

Congratulations on your amazing success.
 
What a great thread with so much wisdom! I appreciate you all! I am early in this process, only about 4 weeks out and only one week of Bariatric soft diet, and I am losing just fine, but so weird, now that I am eating foods that need a little chewing, I have a fear and anxiety that I am eating too much and my progress is going to come to a grinding halt (it won’t- I am doing everything I am told to-). It is like my brain is telling me that if I am not feeling like I am starving , then I am doing something wrong. My brain is not used to weight loss without suffering and failing and beating myself up. Just a strange thing to get used to….
 
NB223 said:
Hi all, it’s been a while since I’ve posted on here (I believe it was at my one year anniversary). I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, and from outward appearances I have had success, and yet on the eve of what should be a celebration, I feel disappointment in myself.
To get some stats out of the way, my highest weight was 425, surgery day was July 6, 2020 and I clocked in around 342 and my lowest weight was two weeks ago when I left the 30’s for BMI and weighed 179. I’ve since hovered between 179-181 and struggle to keep getting the holiday weight down.
I’m so grateful for the surgery; I know now I could have never done it without it. I’m disappointed that I haven’t changed my mindset as much as I had hoped. When I started this journey, I had an unsupportive boyfriend who hated the idea of surgery; it ultimately lead to the end of our relationship. I took the opportunity to focus again on myself, and I was doing well. I had moved to a new state to try to make our relationship work, and when it didn’t, it was just me out here alone. For a while it was nice because there were no social eating temptations and I only kept healthy foods in the house. I started a new relationship 7 months ago and I’ve struggled with social eating ever since. In the beginning, I just wanted to feel normal; to be able to go out on a date and eat a meal. By our second date, I couldn’t eat more than 2 bites and came clean about the surgery. My fiancée (engaged as of 3 weeks ago ☺) has been and continues to be very supportive. He doesn’t try to get me to make bad food choices, but temptation is around all the time now. I went from living alone and only having my healthy food around me to having tons of extra food in the house all the time. What complicates things more is his brother hasn’t moved out yet and he enjoys cooking every night and baking weekly. It’s not realistic to ask them to rid the house of any bad food, but I am miserably failing at navigating my new life. I haven’t gained weight, but from no efforts on my own. The surgery is saving me and even now I stay awake worried I’m stretching my pouch out. Everyone in the house committed to a healthier January and we all started tracking again. I am having troubles with cravings but trying to hide it since I should be the one with all this willpower. I worry I will forever have the “fat girl” mentality and everything will be a struggle.
I have so much to be grateful for, I feel guilty to even complain. I have much better health, I feel fairly good, I discovered I love biking, I had arm surgery in September to remove loose skin and my fiancée took care of me every step of the way.
I guess in my long winded rant I’m trying to ask, do you ever truly fight and win over your demons?? Will I always struggle with social eating? Do things get easier??
Click to expand...
It was like you were writing my story! My bf of 16 years just moved in last year and I am up 25 pounds!!! Living alone I got used to my routine. I had sleeve in June 2013 and went from 380 to 175. I am now 200 pounds and I am so furious with myself I let that "honeymoon" phase of adjusting to life together spiral into the overeating I did 10 years ago. I am over 40 now and the needle on that scale is so much harder to move back than it was years back but I am trying to get my head back in the right place. I am journaling again (never stop journaling if you can help it), I am weighing and measuring foods, I am irritable because I feel hungry all the time...but I also am committing to pumping the brakes hard on this regain. Stay safe, I hope you have found more zen in your living arrangements.
 
Hi - welcome back!

I’m a firm believer that anyone who isn’t being supportive of your choices should be broomed to the curb with the rest of the trash.

I’m 2 years post op - I encourage you to see every day as clean slate. We make a bad food choice - we have a new day to do it right.

I would also encourage you to write down everything you eat. It’ll give you a place to start seeing what’s actually putting into your body. You may also want to make a note as to what your attitude/feelings/thoughts daily as well. It may offer you some ideas on why you ate what you ate on any given day.

Journaling has been wonderful for me. It gives me a peak at possibly why I ate whatever it was.
Best of luck to you!
 
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