Hi. I havent posted here since before surgery, and now i just need people to talk to.
RNY July 9 2020. I researched and studied everything about this surgery that i could find. I came here and asked questions. I joined FB Support groups. I knew what i was walking into. I thought I knew. Overall - no complications. Im lucky and thankful. Im down 100lbs since the beginning of my journey started Dec 2019. I always dealt with depression and anxiety. I passed my mental eval with flying colors. I knew i was going to run into some depression and mental road blocks. I told myself - im strong. Im 36yrs old, ive been dealing with this shit since i was 10yrs old.
I was WRONG. I have lost my insurance. COVID has stopped all local therapists from taking on new patients or in person patients. I dont know what to do. I cry all the time. I feel like a burden to everyone around me. I feel like everyone's life would be so much easier without me. Im angry all the time. My family avoids me in the same house, they walk on egg shells. My nephew told me im toxic. I just feel like wasted space. I cant even be intimate with my husband without getting angry and then crying. He apologizes when he hasnt done anything wrong, and i get angrier. i rarely have happy moments any more - not that i had alot before, but i was def happier before surgery. I know covid has locked everyone away and caused everyone to be come depressed or sad. IDK what happening to me.
I reached back out to the therapist that did my eval, to try and get a referral. She basically laughed and said good luck finding anyone willing to see me in person. I told her i was feeling suicidal. She told me to sit in my car in the driveway and have a telehealth appointment. WTF? Im telling you i want to drive my car off a cliff so i dont burden people any more, and you tell me to sit in my car and have a therapy appointment? I feel TRAPPED, like a caged tiger. Things are changing, but i dont see them changing except in a negative mental way. I look in the mirror and i see the same person (i know body dysmorphia is a real thing now).. just very saggy boobs, thighs, triple chin that sags and very thin hair. i KNEW all this was coming, yet im not coping the way i imagined i would.
My mom had RNY about 3 months ago. She had different struggles than I did, which is to be excepted since everyone's journey is different. I just feel i cannot communicate with her because she doesnt get my journey and i dont get hers. She is 56yro and im 36yro. We are experiencing 2 different levels of this surgery and results.
I need help. I feel so fucking alone and ready to just give up. Anyone else fall this desperately into a bad place post op? Anyone in Central Oregon that can refer me to some place or a group that actually meets in person? Someone - anyone please help me.
RNY July 9 2020. I researched and studied everything about this surgery that i could find. I came here and asked questions. I joined FB Support groups. I knew what i was walking into. I thought I knew. Overall - no complications. Im lucky and thankful. Im down 100lbs since the beginning of my journey started Dec 2019. I always dealt with depression and anxiety. I passed my mental eval with flying colors. I knew i was going to run into some depression and mental road blocks. I told myself - im strong. Im 36yrs old, ive been dealing with this shit since i was 10yrs old.
I was WRONG. I have lost my insurance. COVID has stopped all local therapists from taking on new patients or in person patients. I dont know what to do. I cry all the time. I feel like a burden to everyone around me. I feel like everyone's life would be so much easier without me. Im angry all the time. My family avoids me in the same house, they walk on egg shells. My nephew told me im toxic. I just feel like wasted space. I cant even be intimate with my husband without getting angry and then crying. He apologizes when he hasnt done anything wrong, and i get angrier. i rarely have happy moments any more - not that i had alot before, but i was def happier before surgery. I know covid has locked everyone away and caused everyone to be come depressed or sad. IDK what happening to me.
I reached back out to the therapist that did my eval, to try and get a referral. She basically laughed and said good luck finding anyone willing to see me in person. I told her i was feeling suicidal. She told me to sit in my car in the driveway and have a telehealth appointment. WTF? Im telling you i want to drive my car off a cliff so i dont burden people any more, and you tell me to sit in my car and have a therapy appointment? I feel TRAPPED, like a caged tiger. Things are changing, but i dont see them changing except in a negative mental way. I look in the mirror and i see the same person (i know body dysmorphia is a real thing now).. just very saggy boobs, thighs, triple chin that sags and very thin hair. i KNEW all this was coming, yet im not coping the way i imagined i would.
My mom had RNY about 3 months ago. She had different struggles than I did, which is to be excepted since everyone's journey is different. I just feel i cannot communicate with her because she doesnt get my journey and i dont get hers. She is 56yro and im 36yro. We are experiencing 2 different levels of this surgery and results.
I need help. I feel so fucking alone and ready to just give up. Anyone else fall this desperately into a bad place post op? Anyone in Central Oregon that can refer me to some place or a group that actually meets in person? Someone - anyone please help me.
