I can completely relate to this. I am 7 months post op and I hate food and eating. I can't stand the way it smells, or tastes, or feels in my mouth, or swallowing it or anything about it. Like you, I am okay with liquids and protein shakes but that's about it. I try to force myself to eat all my meals to meet my daily calorie goals, but even 7 months out, I am averaging around 600 calories a day at the moment. It's a real struggle. I get nagged at a lot by my surgery team and my nutritionist about getting up to that 800 to 1200 mark lest I get malnutrition etc. But more often than not that just feels like an impossible task. My nutritionist suggested adding calories without adding volume- so I try to cook with a little more oil, or add things like hemp seeds, chia seeds, flax meal, or nutritional yeast to my meals- but there's only so far that will take me when I can hardly eat a bite as it is.
I take one or two small bites and I feel full, the rest of the meal is uncomfortable and pretty much miserable to get through. It's not anything physically wrong with me, I don't think.... Eating has just become like torture. My therapist told me that pre surgery we're so focused on food (emotional eating, when's my next meal going to come, I can't wait to eat! etc) and the point and goal of surgery is to take that focus off of food. But unfortunately for me (and maybe others that have a food aversion like this) it's like the focus has been put back on food, but in a negative way. I used to feel like all I did from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed was focus on trying to meet my daily calorie goals but I completely dreaded and hated meal time. So I really worked on trying to find a way to shift that focus back off of food, or create a positive association with it again so it doesn't become something I dread.
I don't really have any answers to give you (and obviously I'm not a doctor or nutritionist so don't listen to my advice by any means lol) but for a long time (months) I was forcing myself to try to eat to make those calorie goals set by my surgery team. I was so worried about compliance and malnutrition and doing exactly as I was told that I wasn't listening to what my body was telling me. I think it's equally important to listen to our bodies and respect them. Yes, we need to work our way up to a healthy amount of food eventually, and yes we should work on developing a healthy relationship with food- but nothing happens overnight, right? We didn't gain weight overnight, we probably didn't decide to go through this life changing surgery overnight... this is a long journey and long process. It took me months to learn that I had to back off a little, take a breath, and just respect what my body was telling me. Which was not to force myself so much and put myself under so much mental stress.
Now, if I am hungry (which doesn't happen often), or if I feel like my blood sugar is low, or if I feel a little light headed- I eat. If I'm not, I don't. But I don't eat just because the clock says it's time to eat. And I don't eat just because I haven't had 5 meals a day yet. I drink plenty in between times still. And I still drink my daily protein shake (with added almond milk and hemp seeds etc for a little boost). Obviously I still try to make healthy choices- whole foods, lean meats, no sugar... I also don't eat dairy or gluten (just because I have an intolerance to that stuff) but I am learning to love myself more. Not stress myself out over what my doctors are nagging me about, and just slow down a little. I will eventually get there and eventually work my way up to those calorie goals. I will keep taking my daily supplements and I will keep doing the best that I can. I won't give up on food and eating- but I will do it at the pace that my body wants. Not at the pace that anybody else wants. Food is just food. It is what it is. We all have a primal need to eat and to live... it's just about tapping back in to that.
Anyway sorry for the super long post... good luck with everything, and I hope your appointment with your cardiologist goes okay!
