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just an update.

MamaBearOf4

MamaBearOf4

Member
I know people have been wondering about me. I have been busy. I just had my youngest graduate from Kinder. So they had an award ceramony. My baby passed Kinder with 8 different certificates and a trophy. Then my next one, he passed with only one certificate and a small trophy. My 12 years old got a certificate for the most changed for the year. and my oldest did not get nothing because he barely goes and refuse to apply his self to his work. I know he is smart but he always refuse. But I have been getting the boys their physicals and making shots are up to date. Before the next year. But I got the all in but I have to take one to an eye doctor and I have to take 2 to get warts froze off. And then my appointments. I have mine set as well. And it is kind of coming soon. I can not wait to get it over and done with. So I can move on with the surgery. But I just thought to let you all know I am fine. I have just been busy with the boys. Hopefully everything calms down her soon so I can get on more.
 
MamaBearOf4 said:
I know people have been wondering about me. I have been busy. I just had my youngest graduate from Kinder. So they had an award ceramony. My baby passed Kinder with 8 different certificates and a trophy. Then my next one, he passed with only one certificate and a small trophy. My 12 years old got a certificate for the most changed for the year. and my oldest did not get nothing because he barely goes and refuse to apply his self to his work. I know he is smart but he always refuse. But I have been getting the boys their physicals and making shots are up to date. Before the next year. But I got the all in but I have to take one to an eye doctor and I have to take 2 to get warts froze off. And then my appointments. I have mine set as well. And it is kind of coming soon. I can not wait to get it over and done with. So I can move on with the surgery. But I just thought to let you all know I am fine. I have just been busy with the boys. Hopefully everything calms down her soon so I can get on more.
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Thank you Mama for the update! 4 kids is an amazing workload! Rewarding at times, but still work. I only had one and could hardly manage things. Just stay with us!
 
You are the bomb. I felt like I was losing my mind sometimes with two boys and the school work and athletics. One of mine just graduated college and the other will be a senior in college in the fall. It gets easier every year as they get more independent.
Wishing you happy thoughts and a calm peace of mind.
 
My 13 year old is independent and my 12 yr old is too. My 10 years old is somewhat independent but my 5 yr is not. He depends on me so much still. But like any kids they cause problems at times. This pass weekend I had a big problem come up with my 13 yr old. And I took all the right steps. He told me to suck his d and I told him straight I wanted to punch him in the mouth for that. But I walked away and turned his wifi off. He was still going on so I asked him to go to his friends house to calm down for a while and instead he ran away. I called the cops to help find him and I called a crisis unit for his mental problems. The cops never came because with in 30 mins he came back. But the cops called and checked. The crisis unit came and talk to him. Yesterday we was getting things ready to go swimming and right before I came back to my house, I got a call from dcf or cps as some people knows it. But apparently my son told the crisis unit yesterday I punched him in the stomach. That never happened. They wanted to know what happen the day before. I told the lady straight. That I don't hit my kids. I would never punch them. Their punishment is no wifi until I believe they have learned their lesson. The woman went through the kids asking questions and even talked to my husband. So now for the past couple of days my stomach is through upside down and I have barely ate anything in the past 3 days. every time I go to eat I feel like throwing up. The doctors know that when I get to stressed I stop eating and I have tried to force my self to eat but at times it is hard. So I have my dr appointments coming up and if she sees a big difference in my weight she will already know what is going on. I have read 3 books in the past 3 days. And I have even tried coloring but as soon as I stop the stress level goes back up. I guess she will give me some more pointers when I go.
 
The only good thing about this situation is because I have him in therapy and they are on my side on this. They know I am not like that. So his therapist is going to speak to the dcf and find out what is going on.
 
He is just starting teenage years and he tells me so many times he wants out of this family. He does not want to be with me. I hate that I made the comment of want to punch him in the mouth but I did walk away and I tried to stay away until I was calm. It hurts knowing he lied to someone about me punching him in the stomach. But his therapist is coming today and talk real good with him. I know he is just at that age that he does not want to be around me and thinks he can do everything on his own. He don't understand everything I do for him and his brothers. But one day he will. I know that and that is why I am not showing him that he had hurt me and broke my spirits. But I am have not pulled away from him at least either. I still took them to the beach after the dcf worker left and I still acted normal. He tried to stay close to me after that while in the water. I stayed closer to little Miguel since he was only 5 and he is not scared of the water. He always try to come to me when we are in the water. And he is so confident that he can do everything. I kept with my day the way I had planned and I have not acted any different to him. I know he is a teenager and he will test me. And I remember how my brother did my mother. I just hope when he turns 18 he does not leave me for 10 years with out any contact. I love my kids and I had put my own health on hold until now for them. My therapist even said today that she can see that my kids are my world. I just know that I would never be the same person I am without them. They are the only people that I am happy on seeing come home from school and spend time with them. They give my life purpose. I tell my husband all the time, I don't know how a parent can be seperated from their child because I love mine to much. Even with the 3 that I had the depression after having them. They are still my heart. I got through the depression and loved them more. I knew when I had them that it was not going to be easy but they are my gifts and I was not going to let them go for nothing. Thanks Diane for sharing your story, you are not a bad mother at all. We all learn from our parents and we make the decision to be like them or not. You did great with your son and I hope my boys will turn out like yours. They are good kids but teenage years will have them going crazy on you.
 
Hello to both you ladies
My son was 14 after living with his dad for seven years, I got a phone call to get him back. So happy for us to reunite. Well that lasted about 4 months when one morning he said something really cruel to me. I popped him in the mouth. He ended up kicking in the chest across the kitchen. He then ran to his room with a knife and threaten ro kill himself. I called CPS as well and he ended up in physicatric hospital. Found out his dad told him I didn't love him at all. He was uprooted from Junior high because he did the same thing to his step mother. Non of this was ever mentioned to me when he came to live with me.
My son and I have had our ups and downs. Told him I do and always will love him. If he doesn't have respect for his mother, he won't have with women. We haven't spoke for 10 plus years and it kills me. He's my only child.
I have grandchildren I have never met. I am not guiltless in our relationship but he won't reach out or speak to me.
So ladies I feel deeply to you and know as Diane said we are not alone.
Love to you both
 
Thanks I hope so too. Not getting any younger. I sometimes feel he has a right to live his own life. Also tried to call call his father hoping he could convince him to reach out. A little bitterness with both I guess.
 
Redy I am sorry about your son not speaking to you. My mother went through the same thing with my brother. But I was always there for her. Even though she pushed me off I still helped her every way possible. My brother still did not like her before she passed but they was healing from the past still. My brother came back into our lives because of me. He knew what my past was like and wanted to make sure I was safe. And he wanted to get to know his nephews. But he started to forgive my mother before she was taken from us. Even if he is mad at you it does not stop those feelings he has for you. When my mother passed my brother fell hard because he did not get to spend much time with her in the end. I just hope that your son comes around sooner then what my brother did. I hope my son comes to an understanding that I do care for him and I only do what I do for him to learn and grow healthy. Boys always thinks they can live without their mothers at times but it is even harder to be without a mother. I found that out when I lost mine. She was not the best but in the end she was. She made a complete turn around. And I wished my brother would of seen it. But boys will be boys and they will only see what they want to see.
 
Thanks momma bear. My son was a difficult child growing up. Trouble in school and with with peers. I had to learn give him tough love. He had momments of great son to "is this my child" . He is a parent now and I can only hope he does better than I. We don't choose our mothers and he has a stepmom who he speaks with I am his mother down to my bones. My greatest wish he does comes around. When I had my uterine cancer I thought he would consider mending our relationship..no sadly it didn't. So I still hold hope and pray it will happen someday. Ball is in court.
 
Redy2go said:
Thanks momma bear. My son was a difficult child growing up. Trouble in school and with with peers. I had to learn give him tough love. He had momments of great son to "is this my child" . He is a parent now and I can only hope he does better than I. We don't choose our mothers and he has a stepmom who he speaks with I am his mother down to my bones. My greatest wish he does comes around. When I had my uterine cancer I thought he would consider mending our relationship..no sadly it didn't. So I still hold hope and pray it will happen someday. Ball is in court.
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Mama, Diane, Redy- My turn...I have an only child, a son. I had a very abusive childhood and I was determined to give my son the best childhood possible. He and I had the best relationship you could imagine. When he was 15 I learned that he had some anger issues bottled up. He told me he hated me. After all I did for him. He apologized later, but it hurt. Other times he told me that I don't care and didn't listen to him. Into his 20's he finally expressed his feelings that I was always correcting him, cutting into his sentences and, in not so many words, smothering him. Fast forward...on mother's day last year, on Mother's Day, at 32 years old, he "ran away from home." He was living by himself, renting his Dad's house, a mile from me. My son, his step dad and I, went out to dinner for Mother's Day. Before we even ordered our food, he told us off, with some very crude language, got in his car ( we drove to the restaurant together) and he left town with just the clothes on his back. He moved from Texas to Seattle with no job and no place to live. 3,000 miles away! He succeeded there for 10 months, but he has since moved back to Texas, only 300 miles from us. He REALLY had to get away from the smothering. I FINALLY learned to think of him as an adult individual who was separate from me. It's been a rough year and drove me into a lot of emotional eating.
 
I wish to be able to talk to him. He will regret the time he has not got with you if something was to happen. I know I spent as much time with my mom and I still regret not spending more with her. He has to learn how to get over it and forgive everyone for what has been done. I hope he does come around one day I just hope it won't be to late.
 
Tex, I hate that had happened. But when they think they are ready to be on their own they are not. My 13 year old already tells me he hates me and he hates this family. But he never really thinks about a life without the one person that was there through all the bad times. The one that helped him when everyone else walked away. Kids never think about that. My brother left us for 10 yrs. Without thinking how it would effect me. He was my protector and my best friend growing up. 10 years and when he came back into our lives he called me a spoiled a$$ B****. But I was the one abused and I was the one that had to handle mom when she was sick or when she had to have surgery. I was beat because I went to clean and push my mom meds through the pic line. I went through alot so when I had my boys I wanted them to independent because I did not want them to be left without knowing how to handle theirselves. Now they are just to independent. Tex, your son just wants his own space. He will come around and when he has had his time he will start that relationship again. Just give him time. I would not push him so hard. I always wait for my 13 year old to come to me. And at times you will catch him in here right with me wanting time his time with me.
 
Thanks to you both for your stories. It gives me a bit of hope my son will come around and not to late I hope. He was always an emotional kid. He has some things that he will have to address later in life with his first born. He has a daughter he gave up for adoption. Within the next year had a little boy with another girl. His road will come to an end at some point explaining to my granddaughter why he didn't keep her. Kills me but hope he gets being a parent isn't as one-sided.
 
He will learn what it means to be a parent and when his son hits the teenage years just like ours he will give trouble as well. On his giving his daughter up for adoption, he will have to explain the reason why when she comes looking for him. She may accept it and just leave it be. You may never know. My brother has a different father but he accepted his father wants nothing to do with him and moved on with his life. My dad was there for him. Just like my boys, I have 3 boys by one man and another by my husband now. My older boys understand what happened and I am open to the boys about talking to their father. But their father never calls and they have given up thinking that he will. They are more with my husband now. He has taught them more of how to be a man then he ever did. So his daughter may accept the fact that she was adopted and if she does not I hope she knows how to forgive him for the reasons why
 
If he has not he will sooner then later. My mom always told me, that I will have kids worse then what I was to teach me that lesson that she got taught through me. Of course I was a late talker but when I started talking it was full sentences. But because my father passed away when I was 1 I used to blame my mom for chasing him away. I was little and I did not know what I was talking about. I got my punishment with my older son. Because now he doing the stuff he is doing. Our kids are there to teach us that lesson that our parents got taught. He will learn what it is like to be a parent of the out of control teenage boy.
 
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