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Justification vs. Support

MANDY2910

MANDY2910

Member
I am in several different support groups and I am seeing a pattern in several of them that is a little concerning (not this one). A lady was in her pre-op diet which was 1000 calories a day and no more than 100 carbs a day for two weeks. She posted how she was “low on my carbs” so she decided to forego her planned meal and have a large steak and loaded baked potato instead. She is three days from surgery. Anyway, I know that everyone makes mistakes and this journey isn’t easy, but what bothered and concerned me was how all the other members were rallying around her: “oh that’s no big deal! I ate Indian and Thai food the day before surgery and I did fine!” “You can cheat a little. It’s expected!” and probably 50 more comments just like it. I think there is a fine line between trying to be supportive of someone and justifying their poor decisions, and I didn’t find all the affirmations helpful. For me in the past it was always well I’ll do better tomorrow. But tomorrow never came and that’s why I am here. Am I thinking too much about this? This lady’s decision to cheat doesn’t affect me personally, so maybe I shouldn’t care, but it struck a nerve
 
I find this too. There is a fine line between supportive and enabling for sure. I see this a lot. People cheat on the pre-op or even post-op stages. I just don't comment on those kind of things. I don't want my opinion or comment to be taken the wrong way as being rude.
Don't cheat. PERIOD! If you can't get through 2 weeks, how are you going to manage the rest of your life? Yes, the pre-op and post-op diets are much more strict than the rest of your life. Yes, you can cheat later in the process and still be successful and achieve your goals. But, it is a mindset that (I) think you need to be in for surgery. You need to be prepared for how hard it might be. You need to push yourself to be strict during this time. You need to work for it, fight for it, cry for it. Whatever you need to do to get yourself into the new mindset.
Not even addressing that it could be literally dangerous post op.

I don't think you are over reacting but I don't think you should let it effect you either. It is their battle, you just fight your own! You got this.
 
You're right. But, the other side of the coin is even uglier. People have a bad habit of judging others and finding them lacking. Many are rude and nasty in the interest of being 'real'. I have seen people tell people they'll never succeed if they've failed already. Which does not help at all.

IMHO, the only acceptable/helpful/supportive response is something along the lines of "Everyone makes mistakes. The important part is that you learn from them and move forward."
 
It is a mindset of truely adjusting to wanting to succeed at weight loss. The surgery is a tool. As long as she knows she is “ having a last splurge” that is her choice. Maybe not positive but her choice. I believe all foods are possible, it is portion size that matters the most after surgery.
 
Emf122872 said:
Roni you ment portion size and that right now is my main issue. I guess after my surgery I will learn cause I know I don’t want to get sick.
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So true, my indulgence aka favorite food is Italian beef sand which, they even offer it in a bowl now, but the gondola bread which is slightly dense like Italian bread and slightly larger than baguette loaf is what makes the sandwich a meal. Before surgery it was a half serving after surgery I cut it in threes and get three meals of course I ask for extra side of the au jus. Diane mentioned her burger indulgence for her last meal now she only eats bites. It is a learning process.
the dr office gave me a 1500 calorie bubble sheet to work on portions before surgery and it helped a lot. Husband even asked if I should just stay on that and not have the surgery. at 62 and in the interest of improving my health I stayed with the decision for surgery.
 
I agree it will be a learning process. I have been on keto the last two years and I have given up quite a bit. I am trying to get ready for when I get my surgery. Ex drinking protein drinks, drinking more water. The other day I had a massive craving for donuts but I never went and got any. For me that a huge step I think.
 
My preop diet is two meals of 3 oz lean meat protein with one cup of non-starchy vegetable, and two protein shakes. I'm doing what I need to do. I stick to the rules. I do it because I'm afraid that if I don't, it will wreck my surgery. I am losing weight preop.

My problem is that all my life, I have LOVED starchy foods, bread, pasta, potatoes, and I love piling butter on everything, like Paula Dean. That's how I got this big. I never really liked meat, unless it was a big fat juicy hamburger, prime rib, bbq beef, or thick pork chops with applesauce. It is hard to see my husband and my grandson eating my favorite foods and abstain from swallowing everything in sight.

I had issues with portion control. If it tasted good, I ate it, and I ate more and more. I never got full. I could eat all day, and I did.

I didn't notice my weight gain, it didn't happen overnight. I had a stressful desk job where I was tied to my desk except to use the restroom a couple of times a day. I didn't exercise because I had long hours and when I got home, I just wanted to go to eat and go to bed.

My 50 year high school reunion is coming up in two years, and I hope to look more like I did when I weighed 110 lbs. I am currently twice the size I was. I haven't worn a swim suit in 20 years. I can walk on a flat surface but get winded if there are hills involved. I have experienced people looking me up and down in disgust, making comments about my lack of self control/self regulation, and even now my sister is saying that I don't need surgery, I should just quit eating and exercise more. I remember a close friend telling me that I should just eat the meat with the lettuce and tomato, and not the bun, and not the fries, when a group went out for lunch. I was mortified. Of course, she was right. I just felt so embarrassed being called out in front of the group.

I look forward to a healthier lifestyle after gastric bypass surgery to end hunger/hangry pains, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and GERD. It's either get the surgery and live, or keep doing what I've been doing and die an early death. I choose life. I just wish I had chosen it about 20 years ago.
 
Yes, yes, yes to small potatoes!! lol I find that if I put a small amount on my plate, that's what I eat. If I put a giant baked potato on my plate, I eat more. So, I only buy small potatoes now.

There are lots of tricks you will learn to keep yourself on track. I have found a very good low carb tortilla, which hits the spot when I have a bread craving. My family doesn't love cauliflower rice on its own, so I do a mix. Which I also do with roast veg and mashed potatoes. There are lots of healthy subs out there, just waiting for you to find them.
 
Roni said:
So true, my indulgence aka favorite food is Italian beef sand which, they even offer it in a bowl now, but the gondola bread which is slightly dense like Italian bread and slightly larger than baguette loaf is what makes the sandwich a meal. Before surgery it was a half serving after surgery I cut it in threes and get three meals of course I ask for extra side of the au jus. Diane mentioned her burger indulgence for her last meal now she only eats bites. It is a learning process.
the dr office gave me a 1500 calorie bubble sheet to work on portions before surgery and it helped a lot. Husband even asked if I should just stay on that and not have the surgery. at 62 and in the interest of improving my health I stayed with the decision for surgery.
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It’s so good to hear we can eat our favorite foods again— I am two weeks from surgery and start my liquid protein shake diet tomorrow— and I can’t believe how sad/anxious I am! I’ve been feeling like it’s my last-supper and I may never have so many foods I like/love again. So good to hear I can again, just in bite sized portions— you’ve made my day
 
Roni said:
So true, my indulgence aka favorite food is Italian beef sand which, they even offer it in a bowl now, but the gondola bread which is slightly dense like Italian bread and slightly larger than baguette loaf is what makes the sandwich a meal. Before surgery it was a half serving after surgery I cut it in threes and get three meals of course I ask for extra side of the au jus. Diane mentioned her burger indulgence for her last meal now she only eats bites. It is a learning process.
the dr office gave me a 1500 calorie bubble sheet to work on portions before surgery and it helped a lot. Husband even asked if I should just stay on that and not have the surgery. at 62 and in the interest of improving my health I stayed with the decision for surgery.
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Hi Roni,
I am currently having the same discussion with my husband, diet v surgery. I am 63. I was originally scheduled for July but the doctor had to reschedule, we were out of town in August, then I was scheduled for surgery tomorrow 9/20, but my preoperative COVID test came back positive, so now it is scheduled for 10/18. I am prediabetic, have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, GERD, and sleep apnea. I am going for surgery to correct all of that. I have lost some weight by avoiding beef, pork, pasta, rice, bread, potatoes, peas, and corn, and substituting fat free and sugar free for condiments. It's a matter of figuring out what you CAN have and sticking to it. What I miss most is Chicken Fried Steak, mashed potatoes and white gravy, biscuits and gravy, and having sandwiches with BREAD. I will get over this need for unhealthy food somehow.
 
Jodle said:
It’s so good to hear we can eat our favorite foods again— I am two weeks from surgery and start my liquid protein shake diet tomorrow— and I can’t believe how sad/anxious I am! I’ve been feeling like it’s my last-supper and I may never have so many foods I like/love again. So good to hear I can again, just in bite sized portions— you’ve made my day
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I felt the same way, and I went on vacation right before my liquid diet started! I did okay as long as I told myself, this isn’t the last time you ever get to eat good tasting things. I have surgery Wednesday, and honestly I’ve had moments where this liquid thing has been very challenging. But I’m doing it. Keeping my eye on the prize.
 
Ready to Lose Weight said:
What I miss most is Chicken Fried Steak, mashed potatoes and white gravy, biscuits and gravy, and having sandwiches with BREAD. I will get over this need for unhealthy food somehow.
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Order the white gravy on the side of a healthier meal. My breakfast place has great biscuits and gravy, but it's too filling/no protein. I order gravy on the side. Its good on eggs, sausage, potatoes, toast etc lol And, you get a lot less.
 
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