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Let’s talk about expectations

suzannethemom said:
Karen, I am 54 years old and short as well at 5’ 4” so a weight range of 120 to 130 doesn’t look anorexic or unhealthy on me. We agreed to set several goals for the different phases of my weight loss journey. I’m okay with that. I just want to love myself again and get out of this miserable shell of a body.

Phase 1 = 160
Phase 2 = 140 (healthy and happy weight)
Phase 3 = 130
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Just a heads up from personal and professional experience, weightloss won't magically make you love yourself. Will it help, possibly but coming to terms with the new look and excess skin can be super challenging.
 
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suzannethemom said:
No shit! I've had years of therapy and EMDR to try to overcome low self-esteem and childhood trauma. I'm not stupid or naive. Thanks for the heads-up (sigh).
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Yet we wonder why people don't want to post. My post was simply from a perspective of after care. While we are all told about body change and the potential impact I personally don't think what they tell as is anywhere near what the brain goes through. I'm 19 months post and still have days thw skin amd new body are too much. Days that I stay away from mirrors and sleep in my clothes because seeing the "new" body is flat out too difficult.
 
I do think it’s an interesting topic as far as realism is concerned. A lot of people go into WLS surgery saying they’re doing it for their health. And that’s a huge, important reason. But inside we all want to look a certain way and hope that will improve our self esteem and self love. I’m smaller than expected, weigh less than I did when I graduated high school, and I struggle with self confidence and self love still.
Remembering self love isn’t what’s looking back in the mirror, the number on the scale, or the size we wear but what we value of ourselves on the inside. This is all just a personal perspective and not directed towards anyone. Well, maybe I like reminding myself.
 
The main reason I had WLS was absolutely for my health. I watched my aunt lose part of her foot, then the whole foot and finally half the leg to diabetes. I felt like I was seeing my own future. But you are not kidding about the shock of expected appearance and what your actual body ends up looking like.

I look NOTHING like I was expecting. The last time I lost a significant amount, I was 29, which looks a hell of a lot different than 51, that's for sure. It took me a long time to get comfortable with what I look like now. And to be honest, my saggy knees still annoy me to no end. I always considered myself to be fairly confident and not really lacking self-esteem, even when I was heavy. But not every change your body has is positive and it's just one more mental change that has to be made. Add that to giving up my go-to emotional fix, (overeating) and it seems like this journey is a lot more mental than physical.
 
3momchaos said:
I’ve considered implants, but I don’t want to deal with upkeep. I’m fine with a padded bra. But yeah, not a lot left there.
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When I got my plastics, I had enough breast tissue (just much lower than it should be), so I have fullness and shape like an implant without the upkeep. My surgeon explained it as they almost invert and turn the tissue into a "bowl" shape. I am SUPER happy to not have the upkeep or the foreign item in my body.
 
eladams2015 said:
When I got my plastics, I had enough breast tissue (just much lower than it should be), so I have fullness and shape like an implant without the upkeep. My surgeon explained it as they almost invert and turn the tissue into a "bowl" shape. I am SUPER happy to not have the upkeep or the foreign item in my body.
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I will keep that in mind! I would love to get the excess skin removed from my arms, chest, and whole middle, but I think I need to win the lottery first LOL
 
I want to have my breasts reduced because I lost weight asymmetrically and they are mostly just hanging skin anyway. After I get my mini face lift, that is the first thing on my list of things to do. My husband is willing to let me have the whole body done, but I have to wait a while before is even be eligible for that, and I don't know if I'd want that. It's sweet of him to offer, because I know he doesn't care. He thinks I'm the sexiest thing he's ever seen just the way I am!

At the beginning of my journey, I did not have a weight loss goal. I just figured I'd know when I'd get there. At my 6-month postop visit, my surgeon advised me not to lose anymore weight as my BMI was 24, and due to my blood pressure issues, they don't want me dropping extra weight. So I'm happy with my current weight at 145 lbs. I just hope I can maintain it.
 
I wish we were able to be happier with our bodies overall. I mean, you have this surgery to improve your life and it does. And then we are all "omg, my saggy boobs, butt, tummy KNEES!" I have always tried to be comfortable in my body, but it doesn't always work. I'm 51 years old. I had sag before surgery, and I expected to have it after. And to be 100% honest, I kind of like my stomach .. it was always saggy and so it's the only part of me I actually recognize as me. But, I'm out here thinking about how I can afford to have the skin on my knees lifted. Is there even such a thing as a knee lift?!?!

This is not to say that people should not have skin removal or whatever. I am 100% for doing whatever makes you happy. I just think it's sad that we have all been convinced to focus on our flaws over almost everything. I wish I was comfortable enough to just wear the damn shorts and not immediately look at my knees. They work, they get me where I need to go and isn't that a huge improvement over where they were 2 years ago?
 
Mentally changing the way I think about my size is a SLOW process. The other day I asked one of my sisters (the one who’s always been skinny and complains she needs to diet :rolleyes:, I love her but it drives me crazy) if she has a certain belt I can borrow to go with an outfit. She said yes, and my response was, “I just hope it’ll fit.” Then she said, it will absolutely fit you. Still worrying about sitting in booths, feeling like an imposter shopping in the size 12/14/middles, always thinking somethings going to be too small to actually fit. The physical changes are a lot faster than the mental-even when the physical changes are slow.
 
I hope that did not come off as preachy or against self-improvement, by any means including surgical. I mean I had WLS so obviously I'm not against elective surgery! I was not/am not judging anyone, My post was more a commentary on the way society affects our self esteem. And not meant to be commentary on anyone else's decisions.

My current thoughts are that it's not in my best interest, financially or health wise. BUT if they did an outpatient mini-KNEE lift, I'd be there, credit card in hand LOL
 
missyinacage said:
I hope that did not come off as preachy or against self-improvement, by any means including surgical. I mean I had WLS so obviously I'm not against elective surgery! I was not/am not judging anyone, My post was more a commentary on the way society affects our self esteem. And not meant to be commentary on anyone else's decisions.

My current thoughts are that it's not in my best interest, financially or health wise. BUT if they did an outpatient mini-KNEE lift, I'd be there, credit card in hand LOL
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Absolutely not at all! I never thought that for a moment! Obviously, I feel a little weird about even considering getting them done, because if they weren't so uneven they wouldn't be getting done, if that makes any sense.
 
Kathi_S said:
I want to have my breasts reduced because I lost weight asymmetrically and they are mostly just hanging skin anyway. After I get my mini face lift, that is the first thing on my list of things to do. My husband is willing to let me have the whole body done, but I have to wait a while before is even be eligible for that, and I don't know if I'd want that. It's sweet of him to offer, because I know he doesn't care. He thinks I'm the sexiest thing he's ever seen just the way I am!

At the beginning of my journey, I did not have a weight loss goal. I just figured I'd know when I'd get there. At my 6-month postop visit, my surgeon advised me not to lose anymore weight as my BMI was 24, and due to my blood pressure issues, they don't want me dropping extra weight. So I'm happy with my current weight at 145 lbs. I just hope I can maintain it.
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The other night I was soaking in the tub and my husband came in and sat down and started talking to me - keep in mind I have NOT been to the bathroom ALONE in over 30 years. No one and I mean no one needs to talk to me until I go to the bathroom. - Any way I made a comment about not having any boobs left - my lovely husband who has a serious death wish - said baby you have no boobs at all now, you're ALL nipple. Funny thing is he is right. I've never had big boobs but now I truly am Nipple woman! I'm OK with that.

We all have to find ways to be comfortable in our own skin - even with wrinkly knees, all nipples, flabby butt cheeks, giggly thighs - all of it. I'm living my best life right now. I'll be wearing a bikini on vacation - and everyone will see all my wiggly bits and thats OK. Love yourselves for all that you've accomplished ladies - and dudes. We've totally earned it!!!
 
All the boob change talk makes me think of this mornings story in my house. My 5 year old asked me why I needed a "boobie holder" as she calls it. So I decided to let my humor out and show her....which further solidified that my boobs are nothing but skin....

I told her, "because if I don't then this happens" to which I proceeded to lean forward and swung them from side to side...it gave new mean to "do you boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro." Probably the first time post surgery i have found humor and contentment with my new body. Additionally the giggle my kiddo had has been up lifting throughout the day.
 
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