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Negative feedback

K

Karen D

Member
Has anyone dealt with negative feedback. I’m finding my close friends are not on board at all. Husband is so so. More worried than anything. Children are you do what you think that is best for you. i am surprised friends are not being supportI’ve. Not sure what to even say to them when they say you know you can die from this. Deep down I’m doing what’s best for me but just wondering how you all delt with negativity. Surgery set for march 7 th.
was also interested if anyone else has the pre-op diel i was given
2 protein shakes, 4 oz of protein and 2 cups non starch vegetables or salad for lunch and dinner daily with water and non sugar drinks throughout the day. I do have the 2 days before surgery fluids only. This seems very doable. I was under impression it was going to be 2 weeks of fluids.
 
My best friend was very happy for me when I told her I was doing the weight loss surgery. My boyfriend supported me and told me to do what I wanted. He just wants me to be healthy. My parents were not happy but they were there when I had the surgery and check on me all the time. My co-workers/friends told me about the horror stories. They have eased up and helped with my work while I was recovering. However, I occasionally get, do you regret it question at least once a week. I know she means well but its hurtful. This site helped as I was going thru the prerequisites and the pre-op. My pre-op diet was different. I only had the two days before my surgery, colon prep and liquid only diet.
 
I didn’t tell many people that I was having bypass bc I didn’t want anyone to look down on me or try to talk me out of it. A coworker was very negative before surgery and has barely spoken to me since surgery. I think she’s jealous of the attention my weight loss has gotten in the office. I don’t flaunt it and actually make it a point to not talk about it. I think most people are under the impression that it’s an easy fix. My response is that there’s nothing easy about it, that surgery is just a tool, & I’ve worked very hard even before I had it done. My husband was initially unsure, but went to my consultation & was very impressed with the program. It has affected our meals, shopping, eating out, etc but he says how much healthier & happier I am & that makes him happy. He is actually enjoying making more foods that only he likes. My mom & kids were not supportive at all. I had to just ignore it. You have to do it for yourself to be the most successful. Tune out the static & focus on you!
 
Hi Karen, I had the same preop diet you have been prescribed. It was manageable for me. I have faced negative feedback from my sisters about the surgery. They've only asked once since my surgery on the 9th how I am doing. My mother was concerned about the side effects, but said I am an adult and can make my own decisions. My best friend was supportive, only concerned what side effects I might have. This website has lots of great information, I only wish I had found it before my surgery. I just had surgery two weeks ago, and am so grateful for everything I am learning from this website.
 
Thank you. Hope you are feeling good. I thought the pre op looked very doable. I thought it was going to be 2 weeks of liquids. Did you lose any weight on the pre op?
it’s been hard not getting support but I know this is the best for me.
 
Hi Karen, I agree, the pre op diet was straightforward and doable. I did lose 15 pounds during pre op. We on this website can help offer support to you. For me, the most challenging part so far was dealing with the unexpected severe constipation post surgery (I was not told of this ahead of the surgery) and the change in mindset about calories. Before, I was focused on reducing calories. Now, during recover, the surgeon told me at my post op visit that I must get 600 calories daily, which so far has been a challenge for me, so I feel very weak. I am sure as the weeks pass, this will improve.
 
Karen D said:
Has anyone dealt with negative feedback. I’m finding my close friends are not on board at all. Husband is so so. More worried than anything. Children are you do what you think that is best for you. i am surprised friends are not being supportI’ve. Not sure what to even say to them when they say you know you can die from this. Deep down I’m doing what’s best for me but just wondering how you all delt with negativity. Surgery set for march 7 th.
was also interested if anyone else has the pre-op diel i was given
2 protein shakes, 4 oz of protein and 2 cups non starch vegetables or salad for lunch and dinner daily with water and non sugar drinks throughout the day. I do have the 2 days before surgery fluids only. This seems very doable. I was under impression it was going to be 2 weeks of fluids.
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This is a great topic for me to break the ice and join in the conversation. I'm new to the program and have been a silent observer for the past few weeks. What a great bunch of people you all are! So much compassion, support, and eager advice. I'm impressed and it make me hopeful as I get ready to begin my own journey (vsg surgery date 4/11/23). I've cleared all preop testing and, currently, waiting on insurance approval.
As for the topic at hand, I can appreciate everyone's POV to include/exclude people from this very personal decision. For me, it's about me. I know that I will be confronted with this very soon. But what I know is: I need this and want this. Other than my wife/best friend (one and the same) I really don't think anyone needs to know. However, I certainly agree with Mimi K that there's nothing to be ashamed of and we should feel comfortable sharing our experience with those that are honestly interested. When the time comes and someone doesn't approve of me or my decisions; too bad. We have enough on our plates and don't need shoulder their negativity. I have my own insecurities and certainly don't need to deal with theirs. That's my 2 cents.

I so look forward to relying on this community as an additional tool to help me succeed.
Stay strong everyone.
 
Karen D said:
Has anyone dealt with negative feedback. I’m finding my close friends are not on board at all. Husband is so so. More worried than anything. Children are you do what you think that is best for you. i am surprised friends are not being supportI’ve. Not sure what to even say to them when they say you know you can die from this. Deep down I’m doing what’s best for me but just wondering how you all delt with negativity. Surgery set for march 7 th.
was also interested if anyone else has the pre-op diel i was given
2 protein shakes, 4 oz of protein and 2 cups non starch vegetables or salad for lunch and dinner daily with water and non sugar drinks throughout the day. I do have the 2 days before surgery fluids only. This seems very doable. I was under impression it was going to be 2 weeks of fluids.
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I was very picky with who was told and what exactly they were told. My husband and kids knew - beyond that very few people knew anything about it. Deciding to have WLS isn't a group discussion as far as I'm concerned. If people aren't supportive now I suspect they'll be less supportive as you lose weight.

As far as what to say when they say "you can die from this" tell them the next time you want an opinion from an asshole - you'll fart.

People like that only want to tear you down not build you up. Surround yourself with more supportive people. Broom all the toxic naysayers to the curb with the rest of the trash. You've got this!!!
 
Sometimes ppl suck. That's a fact. No one who hasn't struggled with obesity is going to get how hard it is OR that your hormones and body work against you so no, most can't just exercise the weight off.

I told everyone and dealt with quite a bit of negativity in the beginning. But, my choice was made and I stuck to it. Most came around but I did quite a bit of repeating that I hadn't asked for an opinion. I had only shared my final decision. I actually had to tell my husband I didn't care what he thought, I was doing what I thought was best for me. He had the sleeve a year ago this month lol The proof is in the pudding, as they say.

So let the doubters watch and learn.
 
I had my lapband placed in 2011. My mother in law told me I just had to watch what I eat and cut out chips, ice cream and cakes. And eat less. I didn't eat that kind of stuff and I really didn't eat the way she thought.

After my revision to bypassin may 2022, she told me not to get rid of all my "fat clothes" so I will have them when I gain my weight back!

Others have been "concerned" with less insulting questions. My husband and youngest son we absolutely against this because of the issues they saw with my band.

But they are now onboard because they see I am eating now without getting sick.

My preop was 2 weeks of protein shakes only and then day before liquids.
 
RICHARD SCOTT said:
This is a great topic for me to break the ice and join in the conversation. I'm new to the program and have been a silent observer for the past few weeks. What a great bunch of people you all are! So much compassion, support, and eager advice. I'm impressed and it make me hopeful as I get ready to begin my own journey (vsg surgery date 4/11/23). I've cleared all preop testing and, currently, waiting on insurance approval.
As for the topic at hand, I can appreciate everyone's POV to include/exclude people from this very personal decision. For me, it's about me. I know that I will be confronted with this very soon. But what I know is: I need this and want this. Other than my wife/best friend (one and the same) I really don't think anyone needs to know. However, I certainly agree with Mimi K that there's nothing to be ashamed of and we should feel comfortable sharing our experience with those that are honestly interested. When the time comes and someone doesn't approve of me or my decisions; too bad. We have enough on our plates and don't need shoulder their negativity. I have my own insecurities and certainly don't need to deal with theirs. That's my 2 cents.

I so look forward to relying on this community as an additional tool to help me succeed.
Stay strong everyone.
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Congratulations and good luck!! It's hard in the beginning but just know you are doing a great thing for yourself. Once healed you are going to do great and feel great!!
 
mam said:
Hi Karen, I agree, the pre op diet was straightforward and doable. I did lose 15 pounds during pre op. We on this website can help offer support to you. For me, the most challenging part so far was dealing with the unexpected severe constipation post surgery (I was not told of this ahead of the surgery) and the change in mindset about calories. Before, I was focused on reducing calories. Now, during recover, the surgeon told me at my post op visit that I must get 600 calories daily, which so far has been a challenge for me, so I feel very weak. I am sure as the weeks pass, this will improve.
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@mam My story aligns with yours… 10 day pre op with 1 day before fluids only. I lost 15 lbs in those 10 days. I also had awful constipation starting 1 week after with my first urge to have a bowel movement… they should have had different guidance about waiting till your first movement before starting all kinds of constipating supplements!!! I’m now 10 weeks post up and up to 800-1000 cal/day and 60-80 grams protein. I’m down 60 lbs overall and my stamina is much better than those first 6 weeks!
 
Nsimon, I am about 7 weeks post surgery and still have the constipation but the supplements do help. I am so glad to hear you are doing well and have more stamina. I think my energy is returning slowly.
 
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