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Nothing seems to be going right!

C

CindyVanD

Member
My surgery is scheduled for November 11th. I am doing this for myself, I want to feel better, look better and just feel better emotionally as well as physically. My immediate family has all passed but my cousin helps me when I need it. I also offer help when she needs it. Lately it seems I have been doing all the giving. When I talked about bariatric surgery she did everything in her power to talk me out of it. That included enlisting her husband to help her talk to me. I am in constant pain and am to the point of no return. In July my cousin lost almost all of the vision in her left eye. I told her this is not normal and to call her optometrist. She wouldn't do this, might interfere with vacation and so on. She waited until the last week in September to go to the optometrist. She was sent to the retinal specialist and found out yesterday she needs surgery, scheduled for November 6th. The doctor told her the worst part of the whole thing would be the IV and having to stay with her head in one position for a week. She can't exert herself for a month, no housecleaning or anything like that. She has done nothing but complain. My eyesight won't be as good, I can't bowl, can't wash my hair for a week and so on. It's better than being BLIND! Am I a bad person for not wanting to postpone surgery? I started this journey the beginning of August. The insurance has approved surgery,my preop appointment is set and I am ready for this. Because she waited I now have to find someone to take me the day of surgery and come and get me when discharged. She has 4 children and a husband to help. Her kids will help if I need it but I hate to ask because they don't have time now. (There will be even less time time when they have to help their mom.) I am going to set things up so I can survive by myself. The neighbor lady will help when she can ( I don't expect her to but it will be appreciated) and I will be fine. Am I being selfish and petty. My cousin went with me to the seminar and nutritionist until school started. She didn't t go in with me at the nutritionist. She hasn't been that supportive but I have plenty of friends that are. Should I postpone or not? Any thoughts?
 
CindyVanD said:
My surgery is scheduled for November 11th. I am doing this for myself, I want to feel better, look better and just feel better emotionally as well as physically. My immediate family has all passed but my cousin helps me when I need it. I also offer help when she needs it. Lately it seems I have been doing all the giving. When I talked about bariatric surgery she did everything in her power to talk me out of it. That included enlisting her husband to help her talk to me. I am in constant pain and am to the point of no return. In July my cousin lost almost all of the vision in her left eye. I told her this is not normal and to call her optometrist. She wouldn't do this, might interfere with vacation and so on. She waited until the last week in September to go to the optometrist. She was sent to the retinal specialist and found out yesterday she needs surgery, scheduled for November 6th. The doctor told her the worst part of the whole thing would be the IV and having to stay with her head in one position for a week. She can't exert herself for a month, no housecleaning or anything like that. She has done nothing but complain. My eyesight won't be as good, I can't bowl, can't wash my hair for a week and so on. It's better than being BLIND! Am I a bad person for not wanting to postpone surgery? I started this journey the beginning of August. The insurance has approved surgery,my preop appointment is set and I am ready for this. Because she waited I now have to find someone to take me the day of surgery and come and get me when discharged. She has 4 children and a husband to help. Her kids will help if I need it but I hate to ask because they don't have time now. (There will be even less time time when they have to help their mom.) I am going to set things up so I can survive by myself. The neighbor lady will help when she can ( I don't expect her to but it will be appreciated) and I will be fine. Am I being selfish and petty. My cousin went with me to the seminar and nutritionist until school started. She didn't t go in with me at the nutritionist. She hasn't been that supportive but I have plenty of friends that are. Should I postpone or not? Any thoughts?
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Which operation will you be getting? Does the doctor anticipate any issues like hernia or gallbladder? Why is your cousin and her husband trying to talk you out of the bariatric operation? Is it because they are worried about the safety of the operation? Do they think you don't need it? Or, is it because the timing is not convenient for them? If the operation is approved by your medical team and you feel you need it, plus you can make arrangements for your post surgical support, even if there is a complication, your cousin's opinion shouldn't enter into the equation. Your cousin has a very separate problem, her own medical considerations plus her family support. Likewise, her procedure should have no bearing on you. Both of your operations are sure to be emotionally draining, but they aren't a competition. As long as you both can follow doctor's orders and have everything ready for your post op phase, you should move forward. Good Luck!
 
CindyVanD said:
My surgery is scheduled for November 11th. I am doing this for myself, I want to feel better, look better and just feel better emotionally as well as physically. My immediate family has all passed but my cousin helps me when I need it. I also offer help when she needs it. Lately it seems I have been doing all the giving. When I talked about bariatric surgery she did everything in her power to talk me out of it. That included enlisting her husband to help her talk to me. I am in constant pain and am to the point of no return. In July my cousin lost almost all of the vision in her left eye. I told her this is not normal and to call her optometrist. She wouldn't do this, might interfere with vacation and so on. She waited until the last week in September to go to the optometrist. She was sent to the retinal specialist and found out yesterday she needs surgery, scheduled for November 6th. The doctor told her the worst part of the whole thing would be the IV and having to stay with her head in one position for a week. She can't exert herself for a month, no housecleaning or anything like that. She has done nothing but complain. My eyesight won't be as good, I can't bowl, can't wash my hair for a week and so on. It's better than being BLIND! Am I a bad person for not wanting to postpone surgery? I started this journey the beginning of August. The insurance has approved surgery,my preop appointment is set and I am ready for this. Because she waited I now have to find someone to take me the day of surgery and come and get me when discharged. She has 4 children and a husband to help. Her kids will help if I need it but I hate to ask because they don't have time now. (There will be even less time time when they have to help their mom.) I am going to set things up so I can survive by myself. The neighbor lady will help when she can ( I don't expect her to but it will be appreciated) and I will be fine. Am I being selfish and petty. My cousin went with me to the seminar and nutritionist until school started. She didn't t go in with me at the nutritionist. She hasn't been that supportive but I have plenty of friends that are. Should I postpone or not? Any thoughts?
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I agree with Tex 100%!!! Please keep your date. You were approved because it's medically necessary. Your health can't take a backseat to anyone else's. If it comes down to it, take an Uber to and from the surgery, do whatever it takes. This is a no-brainer. She has a husband and children, allow them to take care of her. This is not selfish at all. Do not enable someone else to postpone your health and happiness. Good luck.
 
CindyVanD said:
My surgery is scheduled for November 11th. I am doing this for myself, I want to feel better, look better and just feel better emotionally as well as physically. My immediate family has all passed but my cousin helps me when I need it. I also offer help when she needs it. Lately it seems I have been doing all the giving. When I talked about bariatric surgery she did everything in her power to talk me out of it. That included enlisting her husband to help her talk to me. I am in constant pain and am to the point of no return. In July my cousin lost almost all of the vision in her left eye. I told her this is not normal and to call her optometrist. She wouldn't do this, might interfere with vacation and so on. She waited until the last week in September to go to the optometrist. She was sent to the retinal specialist and found out yesterday she needs surgery, scheduled for November 6th. The doctor told her the worst part of the whole thing would be the IV and having to stay with her head in one position for a week. She can't exert herself for a month, no housecleaning or anything like that. She has done nothing but complain. My eyesight won't be as good, I can't bowl, can't wash my hair for a week and so on. It's better than being BLIND! Am I a bad person for not wanting to postpone surgery? I started this journey the beginning of August. The insurance has approved surgery,my preop appointment is set and I am ready for this. Because she waited I now have to find someone to take me the day of surgery and come and get me when discharged. She has 4 children and a husband to help. Her kids will help if I need it but I hate to ask because they don't have time now. (There will be even less time time when they have to help their mom.) I am going to set things up so I can survive by myself. The neighbor lady will help when she can ( I don't expect her to but it will be appreciated) and I will be fine. Am I being selfish and petty. My cousin went with me to the seminar and nutritionist until school started. She didn't t go in with me at the nutritionist. She hasn't been that supportive but I have plenty of friends that are. Should I postpone or not? Any thoughts?
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Get it done on your timeline. We are a few days apart (mine is the 13th).
Let the house go...and she has more help than you. Take
care of you...it is a lot of work and time to go through the process. There are always bumps in the road. You don’t sound petty, you are standing up for yourself and your health.
 
You are your own person ...noone feels your pain in your body if you postpone this operation you will be adding another pain of hurt and resentment towards yourself for continuing to hurt when you could be on your way to healing mind and body.....LOVE YOU FIRST...WHO ELSE IS GONNA DO IT?
 
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