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Sad and slipping

Yeledov

Yeledov

Member
Content warning: losing a pet

Hi all. I think I’m looking for some understanding of my fear after slipping off my usual eating plan.

A little backstory: Sunday night I had to take my chihuahua mix, Zoe, to the emergency vet. I stayed up all night in my car (covid restrictions) while they tried to stabilize her. Zozo has had seizures since she was a year old and they had finally become uncontrollable. So at 7:30 am, I had to let her go. I have a lot of experience with pets passing on. I’m pretty pragmatic about it usually. But, I freakin’ loved this dog. We bonded very strongly. She was with me when I was doing ECT for my depression and all through my transition. It was only six years but they were packed and important years.

The first thing I wanted was a big sugar-filled coffee drink and a breakfast sandwich. My partner, who had been with me all night, didn’t question my request and took me straight to the Starbucks. Now, it isn’t my partner’s job to police my food intake. This is all on me. I ate whatever came into my head that day. At dinner I kind of shook myself out of it and pulled out my small plates to keep my portions small.

Since Monday, I’ve had some unplanned eating and I’m afraid of backsliding. My pre-op diet starts on the 24th. I feel like I need to get back to some very intentional eating. My spouse and my partner tell me I’m too hard on myself. That I may have slipped after a stressful, sleepless night, and a very sad morning but that I recovered well.

So I put my question to the forum. After a morning and afternoon of unhealthy food and portions, is it enough that I recovered that night? Am I falling into a perfectionist/all or nothing mindset? Or am I right to be concerned that, pre-op, I responded to my grief in a way that would likely make me very sick post-op?

Thanks.
 
I think there are three things we need to keep in mind with these situations: mercy, grace, & forgiveness.

Life is difficult, dealing with loss is difficult. Allow yourself mercy instead of punishing yourself for those choice. Give yourself grace an allow yourself to go through the process without guilt. Forgive yourself if you do feel guilt.

There are moments in time when our choices around such things just aren't important.

I understand your being afraid that it could lead to some sort of backward slide into old habits or that if you do something like this after surgery it will make you ill or have some sort of other bad reaction, but it won't be the last time you'll be faced difficult situations and it won't be the last time you make food choices based emotions, and that isn't the end of the world.

Personally, I think the key is forgiving ourselves and moving forward to get back on our normal healthy eating path.

Allow yourself to go through the grieving process without worrying about the rest.
 
Jordon, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is hard to lose a pet, especially one that you have bonded to like you have with Zoe. She will always have a place in your heart.

I believe in giving yourself grace for your food and drink choices that occurred while you were going through this and try not to worry about what might be in the future. Just get yourself back to your healthier way of eating and you will be fine. Just remember, it isn't an "all or nothing" way of eating. Life happens and we are always adjusting and learning how to handle things. I'm confident you will be fine, try not to worry.
 
I am so sorry for your loss. Wonderful advice from the sages here, give yourself the grace for the eating choices. I truly hope you are feeling better.
I always read the Rainbow Bridge poem and cry a lot. I feel comforted knowing they are free at the Bridge romping and playing. My boys are my life so I understand.
Much love to you and your family.
 
3880

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I have dealt with a lot of pet loss as well, and like you can be sad yet pragmatic about it, but I had a cat that sounds a lot like your Zoe. She was with me for 16 years after I rescued her, I had her before I met my husband, and she was around 6 years old when she came into my life. She was always there to comfort me, just the most unbelievably intuitive cat, and I honestly miss her so much still that I can’t even contain my tears while writing this. At the end of the day we are human, we have attachments and bonds so strong that other can never understand. Stress triggers, good and bad, bring us to a place where we have urges and I don’t know one person who during times of stress and pain can fight all temptations. You are still on a very strong track, you can do all the wonderful things that you want, and there is nothing critical with what you did because you can recognize it and see how it was a hiccup. You can see how you responded to your grief and now is the opportunity to look inside and see how you could potentially process it differently post op. We cannot predict the stress that befalls us, but we can do our best to have a plan set in place for ourselves. Much love and rest your heart and soul.
 
You caught it yourself before it could become a problem. You corrected yourself without anyone else saying anything. You are better than you know. Reaching out for support even better. Creating a plan to cover the future from this experience is a gift you are giving yourself. May you find peace with the loss of your loved one. Be safe find fun again tell those still with you how much you appreciate them.
 
Everyone, thank you so much for your support and wise words. I’ve been trying to reply all week but every time I try I am overwhelmed by both grief and gratitude. It means so much to me that I can come to this community and receive understanding, support, and knowledge.
This weekend my partners were away taking some recharge time before they jump full on into supporting me through pre-op and surgery. This was planned well before Zoe passed and I insisted they go ahead with it. I know I will be leaning heavily on them and want them to have this time of rejuvenation. Especially as they are also grieving the loss of Zoe. They loved her too even though she bonded primarily with me.
While they were away, a condolence card and a card with Zoe’s foot prints arrived from the emergency veterinary hospital. (They offer this and I took them up on it so I knew they were coming.) I opened the envelope knowing I would have to process a new wave of grief. I let myself sob and feel the hurt of the loss. Then I put it away until I am ready to turn the prints into something I can display in remembrance. I had a plan, before I opened the envelope, to not leave the living room until I felt calm again. Despite the upswell of emotion and being in the middle of a huge cooking and baking project, I did not eat while still deep in my feelings. (Two friends, a couple that are living together, are having major surgery within two weeks of each other and my surgery is less than a week after that, so I am cooking several meals and some snacks for them to freeze for their recovery.) I stayed on my plan of eating the rest of the day. I feel that the support I received here was integral to my ability to allow myself space to have the difficult emotions and have a plan in place to do so without inappropriate eating. Thank you again, all of you, for the support. I feel grateful for all of it.
 
Jordan, that is so heartwarming to have the foot prints for Zoe. I wish we had that for our Baby Girl when she passed away earlier this year from cancer. I'm sure it was hard to open it but to have that treasure as a permanent remembrance is so special.

I applaud you for having a plan on how you were going to handle this by staying in the living room. That is great advice for all of us!
 
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