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I'm Done with this Process

Badgy

Badgy

Member
My nutritionist appt was a few minutes ago. By phone naturally. I am SO SICK OF THE PROCESS. Look, what works for others, doesn't work for me. They keep telling me I need to eat more often. I need to eat my protein first. Yes - Yes - I know! But here's the thing... I am not eating carbs right now and I feel amazing. How can I NOT eat my protein first when I am eating mostly protein anyway? I have clarity and energy and have never eaten more healthy in my life. I tell her what I am eating and instead of saying, OMG THAT IS AMAZING, she tells me I need to EAT MORE CARBS! Does she not know there are carbs in vegetables? Carbs in salad dressing? Just because I am not eating loaves of bread and processed boxed foods, it is bad??? She says that they want me to start eating breakfast Well, sorry folks, I haven't eaten breakfast for 40 years and I am not starting now. My father lived to 90 and never ate breakfast. IF I HAVE SURGERY I WILL EAT BREAKFAST because there will by limited food capacity and nutrient absorption. I know this! I am not new to the food game. They have made me stay in these classes for eating right for NINE MONTHS NOW and told me I have to continue until surgery. Same crap over and over and over and over and over. Spend hours recording every calorie you eat and burn. NO. I cannot live that way. It consumes me.

Do I sound crazed? I might be. I am done with expecting this surgery to happen. I can't take anymore hopes stolen. NINE MONTHS. I get it, there's a global pandemic. Oh no - wait that's not true. It is just our stupid country. Do you know how many years I tried to get pregnant? I don't know if anyone ever went through such a thing, but it is brutally emotionally destructive to take a pregnancy test every month and see a negative. I actually started lactating due to false pregnancy. Once I was told my then husband was sterile, I shut down the whole idea. Buried it so deep I still can't find it inside of me. That is what I am about to do with this surgery.

I have been eating so healthy. Healthier than I have ever eaten in my life. It's clean and it works. If I have to do this on my own I will. If I have to grow old fat, I will. I am shocked that any nutritionist would scold me for not eating RIGHT after what I shared with her about our daily foods.

My nutritionist is a sweet kid. She doesn't know how to handle me. I burst into tears talking about the postponements which tells me this is taking a toll on my emotional health and I don't have room for that right now. So for now, in my mind, the surgery is off. I'll jump through one or two more hoops, but if this doesn't manifest, it's over. I'm done.
 
I'm very sorry that you are on such an emotional roller coaster right now. However, I can't help but wonder .. if you're going to do what you want until surgery regardless of what the nutritionist recommends, why even have the argument with her? Why not just tell her you ARE eating breakfast and tracking your food? Now, I'm not suggesting you actually do this. But I AM wondering why you've gone months fighting the recommendations. You say that what works for 'everyone' doesn't work for you. You've posted on this site before about self sabotage. and I can't help but wonder; Is that what's happening here? Because you are getting so very close, and then you mentioned weight gain, and self sabotage and now you can't eat breakfast and you're done?!?! I feel you, I really do. My nutritionist was a pain in the @ss too. I had to hear about how I had to stop drinking with meals for 6 months. As if everything else I was doing, which was literally everything else she asked, wasn't enough. This surgery is a HUGE lifestyle change, which is scary as hell. You've worked for 9 LONG months toward this. Don't give up on yourself now. I say this with nothing but love. Your pain in the @ass nutritionist is right. Eat the damn breakfast. Why wait until after surgery when you're not feeling your best to build good habits? The only person who benefits from this is YOU. The only person failure hurts is YOU. Go ahead and be frustrated and pissed off. But power through, for yourself. <3
 
I will say that as I read the start of this thread from Badgy I can not help to think of the journey that I went thru and someone else had posted about self sabotage. I started this process two years ago at the request of my primary care doctor. I went thru the first year and in self reflection I was a basket of lies the entire way. I would tell the director of the weight loss program I was exercising and eating right but the scale doesnt lie nevermind the rest of the other issues I was having with sleep apnea, high blood pressure etc etc. I was still drinking diet coke as if i ran 100 miles in the desert and FINALLY came to realization that i actually needed to listen to these people and take what they were saying to heart. These are people that went to school and received an education in an area in which I used to think I was an "expert" on because I had lost 170 pounds on my own about 10 years ago only to gain it all back and then some. I gave up thinking that I knew better then the nutritionist, therapist and doctors and moved forward with the program only to have it cancelled back in March because of COVID but decided to stick with program and finally was given my new life on June 29th and have not looked back since then. My journey and the initial post of this thread brought back a lot of memories and I feel your pain Badgy.
 
dianeseattle said:
Sportsdad, you are inspiring and heroic. Thank you so much for sharing this story. You have no idea how much impact you're having right now on a lot of the other people of this group who have been sort of faking It or exaggerating or whatever. We don't regain weight by following the doctor and nutritionist instructions. We lie to ourselves and we eat. You should get a medal, sportsdad.:cool:
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Hi Dianeseattle, thank you for your kind words. I will say that I was 100% the person that would find every excuse to lie to my doctor or nutritionist. I fondly remember my nutritionist and my wife saying that I was crazy to say that I would not give up Diet Coke or reduce my Diet Coke intake. Because I was "non compliant" I would not be considered for the weight loss surgery any longer. Reflecting on that excuse it was really me saying "screw you i am not going to change and do what I want". I realize now that I was being pigheaded, stubborn and selfish. Yes, the desire is to be on this planet for as long as I am permitted to live but doing it "my way or what I thought was best for me" was only going to lead to my early death and what benefit would my wife and kids get out of that.
 
A recent study of weight loss surgery patients in France found that the pre-surgery diet was almost as important and possibly more important to long term success than the surgery itself. That actually sucks, because the pre-surgery diet is HARD and it SUCKS and it's FRUSTRATING. The thing is, adhering to that pre-surgery diet will pay dividends to not only make your surgery safer but also increase the likelihood of success after surgery.

I think often many of us who try to be supportive can sometimes sound like we did every step in this process perfectly. We didn't. Although I tried very hard for months to build new habits - old habits died hard. Diet Coke....man I could suck down Diet Coke. I sort of laugh at the fact that occasionally in my mind I was actually wondering if giving up Diet Coke was worth the surgery - it's a flipping soda pop!!

Probably every change I was told I should make to prepare for life after surgery made me question if surgery was worth it. But then, another diabetes med got added on. An increase in hypertension meds, more knee pain, more back pain. I was realizing that my arguments against change were exactly what made me sick in the first place.

"I can do what I want because that's the way I've always done it." I felt that way. If my wife ever got on my case for eating too much fast food, I would eat more! What fucking sense did that make? I got very adept at hiding fast food, often going through a drive-through after picking up groceries that were going to be for dinner that would be made in an hour. Uh, wtf, Ryan, you couldn't wait? I often skipped breakfast, too, unless you call a triple venti latte breakfast. I often did everything the opposite way that people suggested that I should do it.

I think obese people are some of the most nutritionally educated people on the planet because we've tried all sorts of diets, lifestyle changes, and such. We know, deep in our brains and our hearts what the best foods are and how healthier people conduct their lives, but through it all, we continue to stick with "I know what's best for me, and it's not this." What came from that? Disease and pain. I would actively fight against change because my body wanted to keep doing what it had been doing. I'd get going strong, and then something would happen to trigger the, "Ah, hell, this is never going to work so I might as well go to Wendys" rationalization.

It's important to do it their way, and although there are some small variances from one weight loss clinic to the next, in general, they all follow a very proven system for success. It is worth the frustration and change.

If we keep doing what we've always done, we are going to continue to get the same result, regardless if we get the surgery or not.
 
WWWindy said:
Ryan, thank you for that! Especially when I think you all are perfect and how in the world am I ever going to be like you all and succeed. It's good to know that we all go through the same pain and we can overcome.
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You bet. Everyone here has their moments. We are ALL fallible, so mistakes and bad choices are inevitable. I had my first round of dumping syndrome the other day because I made a bad food choice. Lesson learned! :)
 
WazzuCoug said:
A recent study of weight loss surgery patients in France found that the pre-surgery diet was almost as important and possibly more important to long term success than the surgery itself. That actually sucks, because the pre-surgery diet is HARD and it SUCKS and it's FRUSTRATING. The thing is, adhering to that pre-surgery diet will pay dividends to not only make your surgery safer but also increase the likelihood of success after surgery.

I think often many of us who try to be supportive can sometimes sound like we did every step in this process perfectly. We didn't. Although I tried very hard for months to build new habits - old habits died hard. Diet Coke....man I could suck down Diet Coke. I sort of laugh at the fact that occasionally in my mind I was actually wondering if giving up Diet Coke was worth the surgery - it's a flipping soda pop!!

Probably every change I was told I should make to prepare for life after surgery made me question if surgery was worth it. But then, another diabetes med got added on. An increase in hypertension meds, more knee pain, more back pain. I was realizing that my arguments against change were exactly what made me sick in the first place.

"I can do what I want because that's the way I've always done it." I felt that way. If my wife ever got on my case for eating too much fast food, I would eat more! What fucking sense did that make? I got very adept at hiding fast food, often going through a drive-through after picking up groceries that were going to be for dinner that would be made in an hour. Uh, wtf, Ryan, you couldn't wait? I often skipped breakfast, too, unless you call a triple venti latte breakfast. I often did everything the opposite way that people suggested that I should do it.

I think obese people are some of the most nutritionally educated people on the planet because we've tried all sorts of diets, lifestyle changes, and such. We know, deep in our brains and our hearts what the best foods are and how healthier people conduct their lives, but through it all, we continue to stick with "I know what's best for me, and it's not this." What came from that? Disease and pain. I would actively fight against change because my body wanted to keep doing what it had been doing. I'd get going strong, and then something would happen to trigger the, "Ah, hell, this is never going to work so I might as well go to Wendys" rationalization.

It's important to do it their way, and although there are some small variances from one weight loss clinic to the next, in general, they all follow a very proven system for success. It is worth the frustration and change.

If we keep doing what we've always done, we are going to continue to get the same result, regardless if we get the surgery or not.
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I may have said this before, but when I had my first nutritionist group session, she said the same damn thing I had been hearing all my life. Eat smaller portions, lower calories, etc, and I was literally rolling my eyes thinking here we go again with the same old tropes. The difference with surgery is our bodies have changed after surgery and these guidelines will work this time, unlike the multiple times we've tried to lose weight before. But the same principles in a different body will allow us to be successful. We have to listen to the doctors this time because it's a whole new paradigm post surgery! And that's why we're doing this.
 
Pink Julie said:
And isn’t it awful? I had it a lot at first, even with seemingly innocent foods. I‘m just over a year out and I rarely get it now.
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Yeah, I wouldn't call it fun, that for sure! So far that is my only incident. My food world opens up a bit more this week after I end my soft food stage. It will be interesting to see what I can tolerate and how my tastes have changed beyond what I have already experienced.
 
LisaLisa said:
I may have said this before, but when I had my first nutritionist group session, she said the same damn thing I had been hearing all my life. Eat smaller portions, lower calories, etc, and I was literally rolling my eyes thinking here we go again with the same old tropes. The difference with surgery is our bodies have changed after surgery and these guidelines will work this time, unlike the multiple times we've tried to lose weight before. But the same principles in a different body will allow us to be successful. We have to listen to the doctors this time because it's a whole new paradigm post surgery! And that's why we're doing this.
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That is exactly right. The pre-surgery diet is very hard, for all the reasons that previous diets we have tried have been hard: our body if fighting against us to maintain its current weight by increasing hunger and lowering metabolism. Post-surgery, we get a pretty good biology reset and our hunger hormones aren't triggered like they were before. The pre-surgery diet is important though, even though it SUCKS! :)
 
My first group nutrition meeting post op when they were advising us how to start eating non-blended foods was a hot mess of the most rebellious, non-compliant group of patients. The honest underbelly of that mess was total frustration with the liquid diet before and the progressive liquid to purées to blended diet after.

We all received the same counseling, mental and nutritional, but people were off doing their own thing all over the place.

I need to admit this whole surgery thing scared the bejeezus out of me. Each month beforehand I was waving goodbye to things. First alcohol in July, then Caffeine in August, then carbonated beverages in September. I gave up sugar to fit in the 10/10 rule in October and in November I mastered the 30 minute drinking rule my clinic set forth. I started my liquid diet the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and had surgery 2 weeks later.

It was a lot to carry. I kept sitting down with the science that if I followed the rules I’ll be less likely to gain down the road. But I also knew if I couldn’t meet those needs that maybe I wasn’t ready for surgery yet.
My peers in group lamented not being able to bake cookies with grandkids at the holidays because they were too tempted to eat them. Someone was sad they couldn’t have a glass of wine at their birthday dinner. Someone said her “unapproved protein bar” was the only food happiness she had anymore, so the nutritionist should lighten up. Another woman argued for the right to eat raw carrots — and then asked why she was vomiting from tie to time.

Please know you are totally not alone in the frustration with the expected lifestyle changes. It is very hard and frustrating. And you should be able to voice that frustration and figure out for you where your boundaries lie and what they mean. There is a strategy to success and it is the antithesis of how I lived my life before. I had to accept that, but I know not everyone can. My best to you.
 
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