Okay, let's put your reactions into perspective. Something wonderful has happened to you and you are allowing other voices to turn it into a failure.
You're snatching insults from the jaws of compliments.
Every time you let one of these reactions bug you, you're reinforcing insecurities and a judgmental self image.
Tune those voices out.
Take the compliment!
You did an amazing thing.
You need affirmations. Obviously a large part of your "fat brain" is beating you up.
But there is a smaller, less developed part of your brain that is starving. It's starving for love and validation and compliments.
I know a great technique for shutting people up. After all, it's none of their business, really. When someone says something to you that makes you want to react by accepting an insult, say nothing. Just meet their gaze and let silence build a bridge between you.
They will get very uncomfortable with the fact that there's this huge wall of silence, and they won't know what to say next.
If they regain their composure after the stare, they might even apologize or act sheepish. At very least, it will be an awkward moment, but not for you. For you, it will be a moment of power.
I have the family nose. It looks rather like an eagle's beak. My paternal grandfather had it and some of my father's siblings had it. It was a regular routine at the dinner table for people to laugh and mock me about it. And there were 10 people in my family, so that's a lot of mocking. I couldn't even stand to try clothes on in a dressing room with mirrors that reflected my profile. I hated myself. I remember sitting on the couch next to one of my sisters who taunted me about it as I kept looking forward, trying to ignore her, and then she started laughing and saying "Oh look, Diane is trying to pretend she doesn't hear me." Yeah. I was. I ignored her. Drove her nuts.
People who pick on other people because they are physically different, trying to imply that the difference is some sort of failing on the part of the "different" person, are really the most insecure people in the world.
The weird thing was, no one outside the family ever said anything about my nose. No one ostracized me because I had a beak. No one gave a shit because it is absolutely not worth talking about. And I suspect they all had things they felt insecure about, too.
Let's face it. A lot of people have a lot of physical characteristics that others think are ugly. That's their problem, not yours or mine.
Having a large nose never stopped Barbra Streisand from singing, or Tony Bennett, or any other public figure you can name from doing what they needed to do. Michael J. Fox is only five-foot-four. He is a superstar who is filthy rich from acting, happily married with children and pets, has written books about building self-esteem, and part of his success came from the fact that he was short.
And my big nose never stopped boys from asking me out and trying to kiss me or have sex with me when I didn't want them to. If any of them had ever considered me deficient, it would have been, buh-bye! BUH-bye!
One of the most important boyfriends I ever had could not stand the fact that I was so down on myself. So he wrote me a list of affirmations and pretty much insisted I say them on command and say them to myself all day long. Let me share them with you:
- I am beautiful, inside and out.
- People perceive me as beautiful because I AM beautiful.
- I become more beautiful every day.
- I improve myself every day.
- I AM LIGHT.
AFFIRMATIONS WORK, just like negative thoughts work. Flip your script. You are beautiful inside and out.
