Anybody raise an ADHD kiddo?

[Tokash]

Lord help me this might just be the actual death of me. Due to on going struggles I finally had my 10 year old complete neuropsych testing. It didn't give me any answers that I didn't already suspect. She is indeed ADHD and finally given a dx for her sensory issues. I also have a 5 year old who is likely going to be tested in the new year once I get all the needed supports in place for my oldest. The 5 year old also has sensory issues and NEVER STOPS MOVING! Currently in MN we are in the mix of season change. It seems they take turns daily melting down over clothing issues. They both run the house in underwear and the oldest a t-shirt. Both will freeze to the point of sickness before putting clothes on....this I can relate to as I also have clothing sensory issues. When they were struggling the other day over long sleeved shirts I was internally freaking out and trying to hide the fact I wanted to crawl out of my skin because of my jeans. My kids do not and will not ever win a fashion contest!

I jokingly told my spouse that I don't know what the heck I am going to do if both of my kids are ADHD.

I refuse to medicate...anybody have any ADHD kiddos and any tips to share?

As a side note I also have a language processing disorder so the not stop, 100 mile an hour talking quickly gets me overwhelmed and either reactive or shut down.

My most recent parenting win is the 10 year old deciding sweatpants are ok to wear. I will take every small win I can.

 

[Kathi_S]

I have ADD and my younger daughter has ADD as well. I don't think I am in a position to offer any advice though. My daughter's memory of her adolescence is skewed by her emotions. She was in therapy, but not an active participant. She is extremely intelligent and learned to manipulate her teachers and counselors. She was a good kid with a disorder. She is bright, creative, funny and I think she's perfect!

 

[Tokash]

I have ADD and my younger daughter has ADD as well. I don't think I am in a position to offer any advice though. My daughter's memory of her adolescence is skewed by her emotions. She was in therapy, but not an active participant. She is extremely intelligent and learned to manipulate her teachers and counselors. She was a good kid with a disorder. She is bright, creative, funny and I think she's perfect!

Oh I love my kids dearly and I have adjusted some. I'm getting used to freezers left open, front door wide open, trails through my house, forgotten hints ect...

She is with a therapist who shakes just not as helpful as it could be as its virtual. We are adding a parent component to the work now as well. I need to get her set up after the first of year for a new OT eval. I also do my own therapy weekly. We have started the 504 process at school too.

 

[3momchaos]

My 13 y/o has language processing disorder with an IEP, and his a bigger guy so we constantly fight about clothes. He gets hot, so he hates wearing pants and long sleeves, but we enacted a 50 degree and lower policy where he must wear pants when the temp is under 50. Getting him to wear a winter coat is practically impossible. My 11 y/o son has Tourette’s, sensory disorder, and is more than likely ADHD, but I see no need for a formal dx at this time-I’d only do it if he needed it for school, but the TS qualifies him for a 504 now if I wanted. He is extremely particular about his clothes. I do my best to let him pick out what he wants to wear, usually athletic shorts/pants, and a t shirt (tagless or tags cut out). He hates cargo shorts and sleeveless shirts (says his shoulders are too sharp for them LOL). He loves heavy sensations, so hoodies are a big thing for him. He has a 20lb weighted blanket which is crazy heavy but it’s perfect for him to decompress. He’ll often come home from school and get under it. He also never stops moving which is while he plays roller hockey. It has helped him a lot. He does not experience muscle fatigue like a “regular” person, so he can do 2 games back to back with practice the night before and still want to practice the next day. When he’s finally tired he can focus. Every school year I tell his teacher that he’s probably going to need to utilize something other than his desk for work because he can’t sit long enough. His teacher now lets him work in the hall whenever he wants because noises also set him off. But he also will sit on the floor and use his chair as a desk. Communication with the teachers has been important. So far we’ve had great success with this just because the school really doesn’t want to have another 504. He started middle school next year, and I’m a little worried about those teachers not being as flexible. Over the summer he left the vent fan in the bathroom on all night, it wasn’t working properly and no one in the house uses it because of that, but because it was running all night and we didn’t hear it, a fire almost started.
I’m not sure any of this is helpful, but I just want you to know you are definitely not alone.

 

[NewChallenge]

I know this is very hard. Have you tried compression shirts, panits, vest. Weighted vest, blankets, suspenders, scarfes. bushing for the skin before dressing and after for some people. sensory sack.

Somethings work for a bit and then stop. Some things do not work until time 5, 6, 7 or more of being introduced.

This is the population I have worked with for the last 33 years. Please let others help you when you can.

 

[3momchaos]

I know this is very hard. Have you tried compression shirts, panits, vest. Weighted vest, blankets, suspenders, scarfes. bushing for the skin before dressing and after for some people. sensory sack.

Somethings work for a bit and then stop. Some things do not work until time 5, 6, 7 or more of being introduced.

This is the population I have worked with for the last 33 years. Please let others help you when you can.

When my 11 y/o was in preschool he wore a compression vest and let me tell you what an amazing effect it had. He was basically non verbal until 3 and when he started wearing that he started talking! It’s crazy how things like that can be connected. I also took one of his favorite stuffed animals and opened the seams to add beads to it to add weight to it. He loved carrying it around with him.

 

[JudyNY]

I feel for you Tokash. While I didn't raise a child with ADHD, I did raise one with multiple other mental health diagnoses. I agree with Diane, support group! I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have a parent support group to help. Originally I was in an online group and then in person as well. Whatever works best for you, do it!

I came across many parents who were dealing with the sensory issues. So whatever works as far as clothing, just go with it. If they need to wear sweat pants, that's fine. Luckily there's more and more clothing without tags these days. My daughter would leave the window open in her bedroom in the dead of winter. She survived it, though it would drive me crazy!

Hang in there, you are not alone.

 

[Tokash]

I know this is very hard. Have you tried compression shirts, panits, vest. Weighted vest, blankets, suspenders, scarfes. bushing for the skin before dressing and after for some people. sensory sack.

Somethings work for a bit and then stop. Some things do not work until time 5, 6, 7 or more of being introduced.

This is the population I have worked with for the last 33 years. Please let others help you when you can.

She actually can not tolerated weighted stuff and it sets her off. We tried this when younger. I also had to "hold" her frequently when younger for her safety and it was always a fine line of when she was calm enough to stop but also not set her off. Touch is extreamly hard for her. She wears her clothing a size to big to not feel it on her skin as much

 

[Tokash]

My 13 y/o has language processing disorder with an IEP, and his a bigger guy so we constantly fight about clothes. He gets hot, so he hates wearing pants and long sleeves, but we enacted a 50 degree and lower policy where he must wear pants when the temp is under 50. Getting him to wear a winter coat is practically impossible. My 11 y/o son has Tourette’s, sensory disorder, and is more than likely ADHD, but I see no need for a formal dx at this time-I’d only do it if he needed it for school, but the TS qualifies him for a 504 now if I wanted. He is extremely particular about his clothes. I do my best to let him pick out what he wants to wear, usually athletic shorts/pants, and a t shirt (tagless or tags cut out). He hates cargo shorts and sleeveless shirts (says his shoulders are too sharp for them LOL). He loves heavy sensations, so hoodies are a big thing for him. He has a 20lb weighted blanket which is crazy heavy but it’s perfect for him to decompress. He’ll often come home from school and get under it. He also never stops moving which is while he plays roller hockey. It has helped him a lot. He does not experience muscle fatigue like a “regular” person, so he can do 2 games back to back with practice the night before and still want to practice the next day. When he’s finally tired he can focus. Every school year I tell his teacher that he’s probably going to need to utilize something other than his desk for work because he can’t sit long enough. His teacher now lets him work in the hall whenever he wants because noises also set him off. But he also will sit on the floor and use his chair as a desk. Communication with the teachers has been important. So far we’ve had great success with this just because the school really doesn’t want to have another 504. He started middle school next year, and I’m a little worried about those teachers not being as flexible. Over the summer he left the vent fan in the bathroom on all night, it wasn’t working properly and no one in the house uses it because of that, but because it was running all night and we didn’t hear it, a fire almost started.
I’m not sure any of this is helpful, but I just want you to know you are definitely not alone.

We living in MN and the front door is often open. Middle of summer our outside freezer was left open all weekend

 

[Kathi_S]

Oh I love my kids dearly and I have adjusted some. I'm getting used to freezers left open, front door wide open, trails through my house, forgotten hints ect...

She is with a therapist who shakes just not as helpful as it could be as its virtual. We are adding a parent component to the work now as well. I need to get her set up after the first of year for a new OT eval. I also do my own therapy weekly. We have started the 504 process at school too.

Tokash, I just reread my response and am not sure it was of any help. I wasn't questioning your love for kids. You would not be asking questions if you didn't love them.

My biggest mistake with my daughter was not making sure she knew that I thought she was perfect. This is incredibly hard for me to admit. I did my best to be the best mom I could be. The saddest thing is, I did believe she was perfect. I just couldn't get her to see it.

 

[eladams2015]

Lord help me this might just be the actual death of me. Due to on going struggles I finally had my 10 year old complete neuropsych testing. It didn't give me any answers that I didn't already suspect. She is indeed ADHD and finally given a dx for her sensory issues. I also have a 5 year old who is likely going to be tested in the new year once I get all the needed supports in place for my oldest. The 5 year old also has sensory issues and NEVER STOPS MOVING! Currently in MN we are in the mix of season change. It seems they take turns daily melting down over clothing issues. They both run the house in underwear and the oldest a t-shirt. Both will freeze to the point of sickness before putting clothes on....this I can relate to as I also have clothing sensory issues. When they were struggling the other day over long sleeved shirts I was internally freaking out and trying to hide the fact I wanted to crawl out of my skin because of my jeans. My kids do not and will not ever win a fashion contest!

I jokingly told my spouse that I don't know what the heck I am going to do if both of my kids are ADHD.

I refuse to medicate...anybody have any ADHD kiddos and any tips to share?

As a side note I also have a language processing disorder so the not stop, 100 mile an hour talking quickly gets me overwhelmed and either reactive or shut down.

My most recent parenting win is the 10 year old deciding sweatpants are ok to wear. I will take every small win I can.

I have had two - I was a dig my heels in NO meds with my first son. He struggled SO much just to do ok in school, and I finally relented when he was a Freshman and almost failing. Meds started, and it was like an entirely new child; he was an A/B student from that point on - except for that the mental/emotional damage to his self confidence was so deep that he still struggles with feeling like he can do anything to this day as an adult. This is one of my deepest personal regrets.

With my second, she was medicated at age 6 - she can verbalize that her brain is too loud if she does not have her meds, and she is NOT having the same school struggles as her brother.

The thing about medication - when a child actually has ADHD, the meds make it possible for them to process and focus enough to learn some behavior modification, which is what will ultimately help them effectively manage without meds at some point.

That said, we also have extreme limits on processed sugars. While the studies say there is no clinical support for this - I can give my daughter sugar and in 10 minutes she is absolutely insane for hours - completely "turns off" any benefit of the meds. So, I don't care what the clinical support says - I know my child cannot function with sugar.

We also use Melatonin at night - she will stay up all night without it, which amplifies her ADHD symptoms.
Good luck to you!

 

[Tokash]

I have had two - I was a dig my heels in NO meds with my first son. He struggled SO much just to do ok in school, and I finally relented when he was a Freshman and almost failing. Meds started, and it was like an entirely new child; he was an A/B student from that point on - except for that the mental/emotional damage to his self confidence was so deep that he still struggles with feeling like he can do anything to this day as an adult. This is one of my deepest personal regrets.

With my second, she was medicated at age 6 - she can verbalize that her brain is too loud if she does not have her meds, and she is NOT having the same school struggles as her brother.

The thing about medication - when a child actually has ADHD, the meds make it possible for them to process and focus enough to learn some behavior modification, which is what will ultimately help them effectively manage without meds at some point.

That said, we also have extreme limits on processed sugars. While the studies say there is no clinical support for this - I can give my daughter sugar and in 10 minutes she is absolutely insane for hours - completely "turns off" any benefit of the meds. So, I don't care what the clinical support says - I know my child cannot function with sugar.

We also use Melatonin at night - she will stay up all night without it, which amplifies her ADHD symptoms.
Good luck to you!

I will consider meds if needed in middle school. The reason I don't want to do them is the appetite impact and the fact that they often dull their creativity. It took 2 years of work for this child to learn how to play and be creative. She is still knly so so in that department but I can see what she does have is the foundation of her functioning. My youngest is super creative. My oldest, the one dx is a very picky eater as it is. Most of her pants are tied with a hair binder on the hip to hold them up. She gained 10 pounds over the first year of covid and it was a much needed thing. She really can not afford to lose any weight. It's much harder to make a kid eat if they are not hungry than an adult who knows we need to eat regardless of hungry or not. Academics are ok at this point...testing average or slightly above compared to everybody else. If this starts to slip them meds will be strongly considered. In 4th grade they are still highly structured so that helps.

 

[eladams2015]

I will consider meds if needed in middle school. The reason I don't want to do them is the appetite impact and the fact that they often dull their creativity. It took 2 years of work for this child to learn how to play and be creative. She is still knly so so in that department but I can see what she does have is the foundation of her functioning. My youngest is super creative. My oldest, the one dx is a very picky eater as it is. Most of her pants are tied with a hair binder on the hip to hold them up. She gained 10 pounds over the first year of covid and it was a much needed thing. She really can not afford to lose any weight. It's much harder to make a kid eat if they are not hungry than an adult who knows we need to eat regardless of hungry or not. Academics are ok at this point...testing average or slightly above compared to everybody else. If this starts to slip them meds will be strongly considered. In 4th grade they are still highly structured so that helps.

That is understandable... my daughter is naturally lanky, but not underweight, and she definitely does NOT have any issues with her appetite. That was a concern we had when she did start meds, but she is great about trying anything once and will eat almost anything you put in front of her. We are very lucky in that regard - my oldest is almost 25 and still has the culinary range of a picky 3 year old. LOL

 

[Tokash]

That is understandable... my daughter is naturally lanky, but not underweight, and she definitely does NOT have any issues with her appetite. That was a concern we had when she did start meds, but she is great about trying anything once and will eat almost anything you put in front of her. We are very lucky in that regard - my oldest is almost 25 and still has the culinary range of a picky 3 year old. LOL

My 5 year old has better eating skills than the 10 year old. That said I think the 5 year old will be going in soon for testing as well.

 

[sportsdad]

A few years ago my wife wanted to take our son to the doctor to get evaluated for ADD/ADHD. I was not one to believe in this type of diagnosis, I find it ironic since I am more of an "old school" mentality yet I got WLS surgery would lead you to believe that if I was old school why couldnt I just diet and exercise to control my weight. Anyways, back to the question. I relented to my wife, had our son visit the doctor and the diagnosis was that he had ADD. Then when the recommendation came back that he go on Focalin I was not on board with it. Not that I am anti medicine or anything it was just that the nature of the ingredients of the ADD medicine. Once again, I gave into my wife and the doctor and I was amazed at the difference. My son did not have any sensory issues or true hyperactivity, it was a total lack of focus with his academics. After going on the focalin there was a very noticeable difference in his grades and ironically his ability to focus in sports (he is a goalie in hockey) was a complete 180. He went from getting to C's, an occasional B- to A- and B+s on a regular basis. Fast forward to college and last year was his freshman year, total disaster. He did not take his prescription on a regular basis, had a roommate that would find his pills and take them (not that he needed them medically) even though we had them in a lock box and his grades were terrible. This past semester he has stayed on his prescription plan, a new roommate (thank god) and his grades are solid B's. So from a person that was totally close minded to the whole ADD world and medicine to assist I am now an advocate.

 

[Tokash]

A few years ago my wife wanted to take our son to the doctor to get evaluated for ADD/ADHD. I was not one to believe in this type of diagnosis, I find it ironic since I am more of an "old school" mentality yet I got WLS surgery would lead you to believe that if I was old school why couldnt I just diet and exercise to control my weight. Anyways, back to the question. I relented to my wife, had our son visit the doctor and the diagnosis was that he had ADD. Then when the recommendation came back that he go on Focalin I was not on board with it. Not that I am anti medicine or anything it was just that the nature of the ingredients of the ADD medicine. Once again, I gave into my wife and the doctor and I was amazed at the difference. My son did not have any sensory issues or true hyperactivity, it was a total lack of focus with his academics. After going on the focalin there was a very noticeable difference in his grades and ironically his ability to focus in sports (he is a goalie in hockey) was a complete 180. He went from getting to C's, an occasional B- to A- and B+s on a regular basis. Fast forward to college and last year was his freshman year, total disaster. He did not take his prescription on a regular basis, had a roommate that would find his pills and take them (not that he needed them medically) even though we had them in a lock box and his grades were terrible. This past semester he has stayed on his prescription plan, a new roommate (thank god) and his grades are solid B's. So from a person that was totally close minded to the whole ADD world and medicine to assist I am now an advocate.

I'm not anti meds and will give them to her if necessary when she hits middle school and the structure to support her naturally reduces. I don't like the potential neg side of them and at 10 years old I doubt I could even get her to swallow anything anyway.