WazzuCoug
Member
This is just going to be a ramble.....I'm not looking for sympathy or solutions, but I need to share with people who get how these experiences affect the journey. I know some of you are having much more difficult life experiences than me, so I'm not looking for a pity party or anything like that. I do know that many of you "understand" though, and being able to share is helpful.
I'm 14 mos post-op now and have been at a stable weight for about 5. Physically, I feel great. Emotionally I'm experiencing what many of you are...a battle with life and stress. What a bizarre time we are living in now. Right now, for most of the day, I can feel that pull to "medicate" with food. I still go for my healthy options (carrots and hummus or high protein yogurt or a high protein chia pudding), but there certainly is a pull to want to get a "feel good" hit from something a bit more "bad."
To combat this I've increased my physical activity and re-engaged in things that had been stagnant over the summer. I live on a bit of property, so one of the things I enjoy doing is hopping on my tractor and doing various things like moving logs, dirt, tilling, ripping up blackberry bushes, cutting brush/grass, etc. I can always find something to do. Unfortunately, last May my tractor basically died, and the cost to repair it would have been $19,000. Ugh. We deliberated all summer about what to do with it. Eventually, I sold it for parts and bought a new tractor, which just got delivered! Yay! I also got a few new attachments for it, so my choices for "playing" increased. Anyway, it's good to have that activity back.
I pretty much hate my job these days. For the last three years, I was knee-deep in project management, which I enjoy, but now the project has been implemented, my role has shifted. The world in public safety is pretty crazy right now, as I'm sure you can imagine. We are supposed to have 131 911 call takers and dispatchers, but right now we have 105, and of them, about 25 are in training, so our effective staffing is more like 80 out of 131. The call volume of people calling 911 is up 25% from last year. You might think last year, with the pandemic, our call volume might have been a bit down, but it wasn't. It was about the same as any other year, so a 25% increase from that is insane. The stress in that building is palpable at all times. It's crazy. As we go into fall and winter the call volume is starting to decrease, but it's still higher than normal, and we will probably lose staff before more get through training. I'm in a management/support role there. I do want to help make things better for the dispatchers, but what I'm doing now just isn't my "thing." Without getting into details why it's not my "thing" the issue is the anxiety and stress that comes with it. From that I can feel the pressure, as I mentioned above, to "medicate." So far, I have resisted. I know where it leads. It is an all too familiar, worn-out path. My wife has given me permission to quit, but giving up a six-figure job with benefits isn't a no-brainer, especially when I'm not too many years from retirement. My wife veterinary practice is doing well, so we would be okay if I did quit, but that's just not me. I'm not a quitting type, in that regard. Although, driving myself into the ground with stress isn't a good choice either.
I have a couple of job applications and interviews coming up, so we'll see how that all goes. One of them I would really like. It is 100% project management which I qualify for, but I also know it will be insanely competitive and you never know what the people doing the hiring are looking for.
The other thing that stresses me out is just the feeling I get from the strange political times in our country right now. The division and the inflexibility and the lack of collaboration are so illogical. No country or political system is perfect. Every society and culture has its faults. Of course, social media and the direct line to instant news compounds all of those. It is so much more "in your face" now than it has ever been. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss, but on the flip side, not knowing or ignoring the injustices and divisions can be just as damaging to our society.
To be honest, though, I'm not sure how much longer we will stay here. My wife is a Canadian citizen and my daughter has dual citizenship, so we have been looking at properties in Nova Scotia. She is originally from Newfoundland. She doesn't want to move back there, but she'd like to be in Atlantic Canada somewhere, and Nova Scotia is a great place, waterfront properties are pretty inexpensive (compared to where we live in Oregon) and while Canada is far from perfect too, the divisions aren't as extreme and there are a lot fewer people, which I find attractive. Our daughter will be done with high school in three years, so if we pull the trigger on the move, we'd probably start the immigration process in about a year and a half. After getting some advice from an immigration attorney, even with my wife being a citizen, it will still take a year and a half to get through the red tape for me to be a permanent resident if we do go that route.
I love this country. I was a U.S. Marine, combat veteran, and I'm very proud to have served, but I'm ready for just living sans divisive bulls*&t. It feels like it's going to get worse and worse as we head towards 2024.
So, all of these things are swirling around my head, along with just the regular life stuff. I am not saying I have it bad. We are blessed with many things and in the grand scheme of things, we are living very, very well. I have to be grateful for that. But, regardless of all that, I'm not particularly happy, and that is what is the challenge. That is what is making staying on track both difficult and supremely important. Falling off track is a snowball waiting to roll down a hill and gain in size.
I am committed to doing the right things and making the right choices, but DAMN it can be hard.
For now, I'll be focusing on activities...hobbies, property work, my beloved new tractor, my family, watching my daughter's volleyball games, spending time outside with my wife, building things, and going out for photography day trips.
I realize there isn't much of a point to this post, other than me venting. I know some of you are experiencing hardships greater than what I am, so like I said at the beginning, I'm not looking for any kind of a pity party. I don't necessarily need any comments, just writing all out has been cathartic for me.
If you've read through all of this, thank you for "listening."
I'm 14 mos post-op now and have been at a stable weight for about 5. Physically, I feel great. Emotionally I'm experiencing what many of you are...a battle with life and stress. What a bizarre time we are living in now. Right now, for most of the day, I can feel that pull to "medicate" with food. I still go for my healthy options (carrots and hummus or high protein yogurt or a high protein chia pudding), but there certainly is a pull to want to get a "feel good" hit from something a bit more "bad."
To combat this I've increased my physical activity and re-engaged in things that had been stagnant over the summer. I live on a bit of property, so one of the things I enjoy doing is hopping on my tractor and doing various things like moving logs, dirt, tilling, ripping up blackberry bushes, cutting brush/grass, etc. I can always find something to do. Unfortunately, last May my tractor basically died, and the cost to repair it would have been $19,000. Ugh. We deliberated all summer about what to do with it. Eventually, I sold it for parts and bought a new tractor, which just got delivered! Yay! I also got a few new attachments for it, so my choices for "playing" increased. Anyway, it's good to have that activity back.
I pretty much hate my job these days. For the last three years, I was knee-deep in project management, which I enjoy, but now the project has been implemented, my role has shifted. The world in public safety is pretty crazy right now, as I'm sure you can imagine. We are supposed to have 131 911 call takers and dispatchers, but right now we have 105, and of them, about 25 are in training, so our effective staffing is more like 80 out of 131. The call volume of people calling 911 is up 25% from last year. You might think last year, with the pandemic, our call volume might have been a bit down, but it wasn't. It was about the same as any other year, so a 25% increase from that is insane. The stress in that building is palpable at all times. It's crazy. As we go into fall and winter the call volume is starting to decrease, but it's still higher than normal, and we will probably lose staff before more get through training. I'm in a management/support role there. I do want to help make things better for the dispatchers, but what I'm doing now just isn't my "thing." Without getting into details why it's not my "thing" the issue is the anxiety and stress that comes with it. From that I can feel the pressure, as I mentioned above, to "medicate." So far, I have resisted. I know where it leads. It is an all too familiar, worn-out path. My wife has given me permission to quit, but giving up a six-figure job with benefits isn't a no-brainer, especially when I'm not too many years from retirement. My wife veterinary practice is doing well, so we would be okay if I did quit, but that's just not me. I'm not a quitting type, in that regard. Although, driving myself into the ground with stress isn't a good choice either.
I have a couple of job applications and interviews coming up, so we'll see how that all goes. One of them I would really like. It is 100% project management which I qualify for, but I also know it will be insanely competitive and you never know what the people doing the hiring are looking for.
The other thing that stresses me out is just the feeling I get from the strange political times in our country right now. The division and the inflexibility and the lack of collaboration are so illogical. No country or political system is perfect. Every society and culture has its faults. Of course, social media and the direct line to instant news compounds all of those. It is so much more "in your face" now than it has ever been. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss, but on the flip side, not knowing or ignoring the injustices and divisions can be just as damaging to our society.
To be honest, though, I'm not sure how much longer we will stay here. My wife is a Canadian citizen and my daughter has dual citizenship, so we have been looking at properties in Nova Scotia. She is originally from Newfoundland. She doesn't want to move back there, but she'd like to be in Atlantic Canada somewhere, and Nova Scotia is a great place, waterfront properties are pretty inexpensive (compared to where we live in Oregon) and while Canada is far from perfect too, the divisions aren't as extreme and there are a lot fewer people, which I find attractive. Our daughter will be done with high school in three years, so if we pull the trigger on the move, we'd probably start the immigration process in about a year and a half. After getting some advice from an immigration attorney, even with my wife being a citizen, it will still take a year and a half to get through the red tape for me to be a permanent resident if we do go that route.
I love this country. I was a U.S. Marine, combat veteran, and I'm very proud to have served, but I'm ready for just living sans divisive bulls*&t. It feels like it's going to get worse and worse as we head towards 2024.
So, all of these things are swirling around my head, along with just the regular life stuff. I am not saying I have it bad. We are blessed with many things and in the grand scheme of things, we are living very, very well. I have to be grateful for that. But, regardless of all that, I'm not particularly happy, and that is what is the challenge. That is what is making staying on track both difficult and supremely important. Falling off track is a snowball waiting to roll down a hill and gain in size.
I am committed to doing the right things and making the right choices, but DAMN it can be hard.
For now, I'll be focusing on activities...hobbies, property work, my beloved new tractor, my family, watching my daughter's volleyball games, spending time outside with my wife, building things, and going out for photography day trips.
I realize there isn't much of a point to this post, other than me venting. I know some of you are experiencing hardships greater than what I am, so like I said at the beginning, I'm not looking for any kind of a pity party. I don't necessarily need any comments, just writing all out has been cathartic for me.
If you've read through all of this, thank you for "listening."
