A slippery slope ..

[missyinacage]

I feel like I am on a bit of a slippery slope. Twice in the past I have lost a large amount of weight, only to gain it back when I get a bit cocky and start feeling like "I've got this" and fall back into old habits. I have been feeling like this recently and am getting scared. Things have been going great; I hit my original goal, I feel amazing, I can basically eat anything without getting sick, as long as I don't overdo it. And there's the kicker. The surgery does help there, but not nearly as much as expected. So, it's really going to come down to .. well, me. And I vary between "I've got this!" and "Yeah, right!!" The confident me has hot chocolate, cuz I burned off a jillion calories shoveling snow. Doubting me screams "You're definitely going to screw this up!!" Am I ever not going to be scared of food? I feel like the hot chocolate was okay .. that day. But then I am like "well, why can't I have something yummy today?" I wonder when or if food ever stops becoming so weirdly important, emotionally. And if it doesn't, do I have what it takes to choose apples over cake for actual ever?! I went through a really great patch and apparently forgot that sometimes this shit is really hard. Today it's a really good thing that I don't keep cake in the house.

 

[Kayleigh]

A few weeks ago I didn’t lose any weight when I did my weekly weight in. This morning was the first time I stepped on the scale and had a half pound gain. This past week I bought Flex protein chips at Aldi’s- BBQ and Buffalo. I ate both bags throughout the week without an issues, until this morning. I’m hoping my gain is from the water retention from these salty snacks. I’ve lost 80 pounds since July so I shouldn’t panic, but hoping that I don’t slip back into my old eating patterns. I’m not going to buy trigger foods like that because I can’t just eat a few and put the rest away.

 

[Teen.twin.mom]

Missyinacage, I feel as though I could have written your post myself. I’m have such a hard time right now. I’ve been gaining and losing the same 10lbs for months. I so thought that this wouldn’t happen to me like every other time I’ve dieted and then gained it all back and then some. But it’s happening, luckily right now I get disgusted and start again after a short time of eating what I want, when I want. The thing is that motivation doesn’t last. Hence, the vicious reoccurring cycle. I do know that I need to break the cycle and lose the rest of my weight or at least a good portion of it, but I don’t know how. It’s like I don’t even care and think “oh one more day off plan won’t matter.” But just like everything else with me and food, I can’t stop at just one. I feel your pain. I’m in the same boat as you.

 

[3momchaos]

I have those exact thoughts too. I think the hardest part for me is realizing that it is ok to have something “extra” from time to time. I feel if I deprive myself too much I’ll get back to that point where I will have too much, and end up messing things up.

 

[Dlkm]

My dietitan told me to go ahead and have that snack or cake but just eat it with your meal then your not tempted to eat as much but you still get a treat and don't feel like your depriving yourself. Chin up gals!! We knew going into this that it was going to be a challenge but we all did this to get healthier so we could do the things that we want to do!! A friend told me to take a pic before my surgery so I could pull it up and look it on days where I felt like giving in and throwing in the towel. Hang in there girls!! Things will get better!

 

[JudyNY]

Missy, obviously you are not alone by the response you are getting. It's a fear we all have. This past week I have been dealing with a whole s**tload of stuff and its so hard not to turn back to food as a way to relax. It use to be if I decided to give myself a "grace" day like on a holiday or special occasion, I wouldn't bother journaling my food. Then I would really feel like "wow, must have taken in a truckload of calories today". But the two days this week where I know I ate way more than normal I actually did write down what I ate. Yes, the calories were high but not as bad as I thought they would be given the circumstance. Also in my journal I would write down "Stress Day!" so I could give myself some grace on what had happened.

The main thing is to get right back to what our WLS tool is doing for us and the way it has trained us to eat. We are in this for the long term and can't expect our journey to be perfect. I am a believer in allowing occasional treats because I think if we feel deprived that is the quickest way (at least for me) to giving up. We've got this. Just allow yourself grace once in a while. And being here for each other will keep us on track, without judgement, sharing our struggles and our victories.

 

[WazzuCoug]

You are definitely not alone. When we went 10 days without power and water recently, I went way of track with food. I wasn't cooking, we were bringing in snacks, stress eating, etc. It was a crazy 10 days. I gained weight, felt like crap, and now I feel the pull toward poor decision making, and for no good reason at all!

It does all come back to choices. There are mistakes and there are choices. Most of what we have to learn to deal with are bad choices that we certainly know are bad, but we feel this drive and sometimes justification for them. We're all different, of course, but for me I think I'll always be right on the edge of making a poor choice and I expect I'll have to monitor that for the rest of my life.

One of my mantras in this process has been:

Forgive yourself for the poor choices you made in the past, praise yourself for the good choices you are going to make now, and plan to make good choices moving forward.

There is nothing you can do to change a choice that has already been made, so there is no need to ruminate on it or beat yourself up about it. I know that is hard not to do though. I have to fight against it too. What we do have control over is the next choice, and the next choice, and the next choice after that. If we can string together good, positive choices, we can get into a good habit again.

That is where I'm at. Even though there is the devil on my shoulder telling me that a little treat isn't going to make a big difference today, I know that because I made a series of poor choices in the past couple weeks, my choice now and into the future have to change, or I'll just keep slipping backward.

I was getting super close to 100lbs lost, and now I took a step back. I'm climbing back on the horse and back to building the good habits again, but the experience illustrated that this battle with food will continue and I can't slack off for any reason, even if power, water and the world seems crazy, I need to be prepared for those sorts of things and not let it be an excuse to go off the deep end.