I am so sorry for your loss Cyndy, I really can relate. I had a male cat named Buzz who was my gentleman friend in my dotage. He would lay in the curve of my body being snuggled by my ample bosom. He would stay there all night. He was just such a sport and I loved him so much.
When he got sick I took him to a vet who essentially said there's nothing really wrong here. Then he got sicker and I took him to another vet who showed me in an x-ray that his liver and his stomach and pretty much everything in that area was filled with tumors. The first vet could have saved him but he didn't.
But my Buzz loved me so much he did not want to leave me. He lived for another whole year and he just swelled up like a watermelon. When he could no longer jump up on the bed, I knew it was the end. I went and bought him his favorite Chinese food and try to help him eat it. But of course that wasn't anything that he waned.
I took him to the vet, the good vet, and had him put down and told them I wanted to stay with him while he died. That was a mistake I'm never going to make again. They let me sit with him after he was dead until I felt like coming out of the procedure room. Jeez, even remembering it now I'm starting to cry. I was inconsolable.
I walked out of the procedure room and was just sobbing. The various nurses and clerical people came out from behind the counter and surrounded me and just let me wail for the next 20 minutes. Then I went home.
A few days later they sent me a sympathy card and everybody wrote on it. They wrote "We've never seen anybody have such a strong reaction to the loss of a pet. We all know how much he meant to you, and we just want to send you our love and support."
I didn't I didn't think I could have another cat but a few months later I rescued a crazy kitten from the pound. She was so hyper she was flying over the tops of my bookshelves, bumping her head on the ceiling, just going in circles and circles like she was trying to find a way to get out. My upstairs neighbor actually phoned me and asked me just stop the noise that I was making in my apartment.
Isabel was with me for 16 years and just passed a few months ago. We had a way of communicating with each other that was unlike any other I've ever had. When she got sick and began to drop weight, I just kept watching and waiting for the moment I would have to take her to the vet. I knew she wasn't going to live but even in the last four or five days of her life she would manage to sit on the footstool in front of me and just stare at me with love. She was a cat who made eye contact with people and that was part of the way she communicated.
I could see her wasting away but she kept getting up and coming to me like she was planning to stay. She never indicated that she was in any pain, but she began to wet her bedding and she had no bowel movements because she just couldn't eat. I tried forcing water but it didn't do any good.
Finally she was just a limp rag who weighed about 4 lb. It was a Saturday and I knew that the vet was not in. So I held her in my arms and told her how much I loved her and then I put a rag over her face to suffocate her. She went almost instantly, no struggle, No Pain, except mine for ending her life.
I miss her like a daughter or a best friend. There were many days after that one I thought I might not even be able to go on without her. The Grieving continues and I hear her little bells in the hallway and get a glimpse of her white and gray fur in the side of my eye. At night when I'm in bed I hear noises in the kitchen and the living room, tho I live alone. I believe her spirit is still with me because we never wanted to be apart.
I'll bet you're having a big cry just like I am right now. This is appropriate because there are cats and dogs who change people's lives and a few days ago it was National Dog Day. The slogan for national dog day was, "we don't deserve dogs." I agree, especially about dogs. Such love you can't even get from your children.
I don't think I can do this again. I was thinking about getting a dog when I move in October, but I don't know if I'll actually do it. I would love to have a great big German Shepherd, who listen to every word I said and respond, who would protect me with his own life and would lay on the bed beside me when I slept. But right now I can't think about that.
What I am thinking about is your little Bentley and the pain you must be feeling today. There is nothing I can say to you other than what I have said.
There are no words worthy of condolence at the loss of a beloved friend.
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