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How do you do it?

3

3boysmom

Member
How does everyone handle stress after surgery? Eating is a big problem for me when I am stressed I am a big comfort eater. Then the regret beats me up. A vicious cycle. I've been putting off seeing my therapist for one reason or another. Guess I have to. Lots going on, always something. Why do I abuse myself in this way?! Why can I not take care of myself?! Can I blame my mother, haha...sure. But I've always picked myself up, just feel like I can't this time. Tomorrow is another day I tell myself.
 
It’s all very personal. For me, I am a huge avoider. I put things off, procrastinating with projects that I tell myself are more important than XY&Z. Then I just basically force myself to take care of whatever it is head on. I make excuses, justify behaviors, but in the end, it only hurts me. After surgery I committed to focusing on myself. My husband and kids pitched in on everything in the house and understood that I needed to take care of me from the inside out and from top to bottom. Getting my brain ready before surgery really helped me afterwards. Committing to my counseling appointments, and reaching out post op between my counselor and dietitian with questions.
 
3boysmom said:
  • Eating is a big problem for me
  • when I am stressed I am a big comfort eater.
  • Then the regret beats me up.
  • Why do I abuse myself in this way?!
  • Why can I not take care of myself?!
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Mom, sit down with a sheet of paper and write down these major points from your post.

Better still, there's an exercise you can do that can help like crazy.

Draw a line down the center, creating 2 columns. In the first column, write the heading "Eating is a big problem for me."

At the top of the second column, write the word "...because."

Close your eyes and breath deeply until your body feels relaxed and your mind wants you to write a possible answer in column 2.

Keep writing down more reasons or insights in column 2 until the ideas stop coming.

With these subliminal thoughts, you can flip the definition from negative to positive. So something like, "I don't deserve to be thin" can become, "I deserve to be happy."

Repeat the affirmations with closed eyes and relaxed breathing until it starts to feel truly true. You'll know when you've reached that point when you start smiling, feel serene, and your psyche stops arguing with you.

Repeat as often as needed.
 
Um, I seem to deal with it about like you do .. feel stressed, stress eat for comfort, feel bad. It IS a vicious cycle. That first year I was really focused on my needs. Now I seem to have let some of that focus go and it's not a good thing.

Life is going to happen and it's going to get stressful. You absolutely can take care of yourself. Try getting rid of the least healthy foods in your home. You're more likely to eat what you have then run out for a snack. Take the time to meal prep a few healthy snacks in ready to eat containers. Or buy them, if you're low on time. That is what works best for me anyway. If I have a plan and the food is already ready, I am more likely to stick to to the plan. But when I don't know what I'm going to eat .. the world is full of options. And the whole reason I had to have WLS is because I make bad food choices.
 
3boysmom said:
I was watching a show and someone said they clean when stressed, I wish! My house is a disaster with my little one walking around and destroying everything now!
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My house, too. I suffer major depression and once in awhile I get "house-cleaning energy," and I live for those bursts.

I spent a few hours decluttering, and going through boxes yesterday. Very depressing.

For me, this is a mental health issue I have tried to figure out, but so far, no insights.

We all have challenges and successes. I have to remind myself that I have a problem, and it may overwhelm me, but it's not deliberate and I'm not going to label myself defective.

I may never get better. But then, I might. It happens.

My goal, every day, is to Leave No Wake, a Japanese expression that has inspired me for 50 years.

We all have the right to live without judgment. We don't have the right to judge others. Of course, I'm not talking about politics or community contributions. But when it comes to blah-blah, I reflexively think of what my 4th grade teacher wrote on the blackboard when she was urging us to think before speaking:
  • Is it nice?
  • Is it necessary?
  • Is it true?
Hard to believe that still goes through my brain. But then I remember the million times I wished I could take my words back. And now that we literally publish our thoughts in internet forums... words have power, words are forever, words can lead to actions...

I try to be kind, positive, gently honest, and at the same time, "keep it to yourself." What we don't say can be more powerful.

Sometimes the inner monologue is louder than words. That's the case for me when it comes to clutter. I want to work on changing that.
 
Thanks again for your wisdom. Please remember, as I try to tell myself the same, YOU are not your "clutter." You are our Athena, Minerva, West Coast sister, and all around total awesomeness! ❤❤

And as you vent about your stuff, throw it around before you throw it out, and wish it good riddance.
 
NewChallenge said:
I am the crazy person who loves to clean and that is a stress reliever for me. Now the bad side mess will make stress.
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New mantra. "Mess will make stress." Seriously, that is now in my tracking notebook as a daily reminder! Thank you.

Now, if you're ever travelling thru WV & need to relieve some stress, you are hereby invited to come by & clean! (this of course is my silly side overtaking my previous paragraph's seriousness)
 
KarenWV said:
Thanks again for your wisdom. Please remember, as I try to tell myself the same, YOU are not your "clutter." You are our Athena, Minerva, West Coast sister, and all around total awesomeness! ❤❤

And as you vent about your stuff, throw it around before you throw it out, and wish it good riddance.
Click to expand...
You couldn't be sweeter if you were made out of sugar! Thanks for the words-hug. I really need it today.❤
 
The first question I would ask is, "why are you not worthy?"

These are all things that point to somebody who had determined that they are not worthy of something better something more. Figure out why that is or where that developed from amd build up from there.
 
I used to eat when I was stressed. Postop I have had little interest in food. I wish stress caused me to clean. I would like to extend an invitation to any of you that do clean when stressed out to visit me when you are stressed! I can provide plenty of areas to clean and can listen to you vent!
 
I wish I could come clean other people's houses. I love to do that. All new things to see and move around. I did clean houses when my kids were small to make extra money. I loved the job. I had some people with some money I got to clean for so that was kind of fun going into houses I would never otherwise go in. I nannied for a Dr and Lawyer who I would just clean when the kids took naps so they had set me up with other places to clean. I will also say the people who have a lot of money do not pay as well as the people who just have money. I don't get it but sure seemed to be true with the few family's I worked for.
 
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