I just scheduled my first appointment for a consultation for surgery and am soooo excited. I qualify for everything and really want to go through with the surgery. I'm having difficulty telling my family though. Pretty much everyone in my family has struggled with weight since I can remember but in the past have been judgmental of others we know that have had the surgery. Has anyone else had this situation? I'm not so much worried about them not being super supportive (my husband is super supportive so thats really all the support I need) but I am worried that if I tell them too early they will try to talk me out of it. How did you tell your family (who you know wouldn't be supportive) about wanting to start this process? Help!!!
How to tell family
- Thread starter SM16
- Start date
missdarmitage
Member
Congrats on starting your journey! It is a fun/scary/exciting/nerve-racking time lol. And dealing with who to tell and who not to tell is part of what makes it so crazy. I have seen posts from people who simply do not tell their family until after it was done, if they even tell them then. There are others that tell the family and deal with the sabotage throughout the process. Not knowing is always the worst. What if they do this? What if they react like that? It is hard to imagine what is actually going to happen, and scary as hell. If you are going to tell them, make sure you know why you are doing it. Be prepared for their criticism and negative comments by being able to explain the procedure, what it will do for you, what it will MEAN for you, and what your feelings are about it. In this situation, only you matter. Do whatever you have to do to remember why you are doing this because the doubts are a real thing. You will get them from time to time along this journey and have to be able to remember why you are doing this. This is not an instant fix. It is simply a tool to get you to your goals.
For me, it was all about getting healthy and being able to live longer than my parents did. Losing the weight and appreciating the way I look were definite bonuses, but it wasn't about that at the heart of it. I also have a jar that I filled with slips of paper. On each piece is something I am looking forward to because I am doing this... I was pre-diabetic, now I'm perfectly fine. I don't have to violently kick my leg when lying down so I have the momentum to get up. I can officially go skydiving! Little things that may not mean much to others but they mean the world to you. I go through these monthly to see what goals I have met and hang them on a board to show off the progress I have made. The scale may show one thing but knowing I am achieving these little goals is everything to me.
I wish you the best of luck as you tackle this. And remember, we are always here for you!
honeysgirl
Member
I think that if you feel that your family will not be supportive then don't tell them until after the deed is done.
Before the surgery you have so much going on mentally and physically. You don't need any negativity making you doubt your decision to do this for you. You are a grown up and do not need anyone's approval other than your spouse, though I know it would be nice to have the familial support.
You don't need anyone trying to talk you out of the surgery, the judgement or putting additional fear in your mind.
I wish you the best of luck and keep us updated.
Before the surgery you have so much going on mentally and physically. You don't need any negativity making you doubt your decision to do this for you. You are a grown up and do not need anyone's approval other than your spouse, though I know it would be nice to have the familial support.
You don't need anyone trying to talk you out of the surgery, the judgement or putting additional fear in your mind.
I wish you the best of luck and keep us updated.
I was afraid of my family trying talk me out of it. I have a sister who was a surgical nurse. She is strictly against this type of surgery. So I didn't tell any of my family. I told a co-worker about the surgery. She in turn told my sister I was having the surgery. To my surprise she is totally supportive of my surgery now.
I wish I would have told my family before someone else. Hope this helps. Good luck
I wasn't going to tell my sisters and Mother until I was post-op and losing lots of weight. I decided to share with them after I passed the psych tests because I felt that they could give me extra support. I was right (well, 2 out of 3, the third wants me to try another round of diets and then get out and exercise more). You should look at the people you want to tell and decide if they are going to be supportive. If they are, then by all means tell them and get them on board. If not, its not their business and let them be jealous of your fabulous new you!
For those keeping up with me, I've decided not to tell my family until closer to the actual surgery date. I did end up telling one of my close friends that I know would be supportive and she is so excited for me! Now I just wish the next 6 months will fly by so it will be surgery time! Thank you everyone for the advice and stories.
eladams2015
Member
I was open about my first procedure, and I wish I had kept it to myself. I lost my best friend over it (not really a friend after all was said and done), and there is a lot of "discounting" the work that it takes. People that don't understand the process think that the surgery does all the work for you, and it does NOT. It is a tool and nothing more. Other people use tools (trainers, nutritionists, diet pills, etc.) and everyone congratulates them on their hard work, but once surgery comes up there will be a lot of people that think your loss doesn't "count" anymore. That is just my own experience, but I would say to keep it private and test it out with someone you really trust. Unless you are ready to be a poster child for the success or failure of WLS, be careful with your announcement until you are in a really great place mentally and emotionally in the process to handle the both the support and the backlash.
Pink Julie
Member
I think people don’t realize how difficult this is, they don’t understand bariatric surgery, no way is this the easy option! It certainly wasn’t for me.
DiannaOnALoopDS
Member
I personally was the family member years ago that thought the surgery was an easy way out. My mom had it about 20 yrs ago and my sister 7 yrs ago.
I had looked into it but never followed through. I figured I had it on my own. I was wrong. On all accounts.
It wasn't until April when I reached 406lbs, over 100 more than either of them at their highest, and started to reconsider my options that I honestly understood what bariatric surgery would look like.
I was nervous to tell my husband, so I told him I was just going through the insurance process and if by the time the 6 months was up, I may not want to have it. He was supportive, but didnt really understand what I was wanting until I let him in on my research.
I suggest being in a strong mind set and having the research done before broaching the subject. OR telling them and asking them to research with you.
Those who learn together, and all......
Good luck. I support you in whatever decision you make.
Kristen999
Member
I have this same concern. I have some super skinny judgmental people in my family. I asked the therapist about it when I did my psych testing. Her advice - dont tell the people that will judge you. If they ask what you are doing. Tell them you are eating less, eating healthier, and exercising- which is all true. The surgery is just a tool. My husband was saying I should tell them all and if I was embarrassed to tell them, I shouldn't have the surgery. But, I told him what the therapist said and he is now totally on board.
Brenda2010
Member
I couldn't agree more!!!
I've only disclosed my surgery to the few people in my life who truly understand the toll that my weight struggles have taken on me. When anyone else asks me how I've done it, I tell the truth, that I've cut out almost all carbs and drastically reduced my portion sizes. No one needs to know more than that.