Keeping The Weight Off aka The Long Term Struggle

[JudyNY]

Following up on my previous post, knock on wood, but I have been doing so much better. Getting my mindset back to where it should be.

Diane, I have been reading the book 'The Only Diet There Is" and doing the exercises twice a day. And I have worked on my trouble eating time which is late night and cut off all eating after dinner, which isn't too hard since we eat around 6:30-7. And if the urge to have something hits me, I have downloaded a coloring app on my phone. It keeps me occupied for quite a while and it is very relaxing.

I do need to step up my walking more as I have been hit or miss with it but I've also been busy doing things and not letting myself get bored and then thinking of food.

Just wanted you all to know I am in a much better place.

 

[Nymiria]

I have been struggling with how to answer this thread because I feel like I have fallen in a dark hole and can't get myself out. I really don't know what is wrong with me. I know better and get through most of the day fine but it all falls apart at night. It's like a whole other person emerges, the old me.

What everyone has been worried about is happening to me. I have regained 40+ pounds. At times I can take off some of it but it always seems it comes back so fast and then more. Today I am going back to basics. It's not like I don't know what I need to do but I can't seem to follow through. I haven't been in a good place mentally and it is taking its toll.

I have been hard on myself lately hoping that will get me back on track but it just backfires and then I start feeling like I can't do this. I need major inspiration and need to think positively. So much negative stuff at home and in the world doesn't help but I can't use it as an excuse as there will always be something.

Judy I'm so thankful for your honesty! I don't know if you suffer from binge eating disorder like I do, but this sure sounds like me. The guilt after going crazy is awful. Check it out it might help you understand yourself! (And maybe not haha. You might not have it at all. I just know I feel this struggle daily)

 

[JudyNY]

Judy I'm so thankful for your honesty! I don't know if you suffer from binge eating disorder like I do, but this sure sounds like me. The guilt after going crazy is awful. Check it out it might help you understand yourself! (And maybe not haha. You might not have it at all. I just know I feel this struggle daily)

Oh I know I do suffer from binge eating disorder. It became very evident this past year. I think just admitting that is what I have has made it a bit easier to wrap my head around it. I think before I just thought I ate too much and liked food too much, but I really see now that it is an unhealthy disorder that I have. I am taking it one day at a time and when I wake up the next day, I acknowledge that I did it. I got through another night without binging, and that's a good thing!

 

[Nymiria]

Oh I know I do suffer from binge eating disorder. It became very evident this past year. I think just admitting that is what I have has made it a bit easier to wrap my head around it. I think before I just thought I ate too much and liked food too much, but I really see now that it is an unhealthy disorder that I have. I am taking it one day at a time and when I wake up the next day, I acknowledge that I did it. I got through another night without binging, and that's a good thing!

It's so hard Judy! You're right - knowing what it is and naming it is a great helper but good grief it doesn't mean it goes away. It can be so frustrating when you do so well for the whole day and RIGHT before bed you are like....I did so well all day, I can have a little something and then BOOM you go bananas haha. It is awful. I've definitely spent some time crying about that one. I'm glad you are doing well now though! I didn't realize you had replied later on down the thread!

 

[TraceyT]

I am on the other end of the spectrum - lost more weight than anticipated and struggling to gain a few pounds. Gaining weight can be as difficult as maintaining. The surgery is a T O O L - not a cure.

For me, its a struggle to gain 5 pounds for others it may be a struggle to not gain 5-10 pounds. Being on either end of the spectrum can be frustrating, maddening, and just plain sucks ass balls!!

We have to work at it. Right now, I'm not "allowed" to work out. I almost had my husband convinced that cleaning the house was a work out - I asked for a bi-weekly maid service - he laughed!

We just have to take it one day at a time - 1 pound up or down at a time. It's a constant work in progress. We CAN do this!!!

 

[KarenWV]

I am on the other end of the spectrum - lost more weight than anticipated and struggling to gain a few pounds. Gaining weight can be as difficult as maintaining. The surgery is a T O O L - not a cure.

For me, its a struggle to gain 5 pounds for others it may be a struggle to not gain 5-10 pounds. Being on either end of the spectrum can be frustrating, maddening, and just plain sucks ass balls!!

We have to work at it. Right now, I'm not "allowed" to work out. I almost had my husband convinced that cleaning the house was a work out - I asked for a bi-weekly maid service - he laughed!

We just have to take it one day at a time - 1 pound up or down at a time. It's a constant work in progress. We CAN do this!!!

I cannot imagine being lower than my ideal weight and needing to regain. To most of us, that would be a welcome problem, when the reality is that it can be just as difficult to regain as it was to lose enough weight.

I love your picture. Not sure when you posted it, but it is nice to see y'all.

 

[missyinacage]

I am on the other end of the spectrum - lost more weight than anticipated and struggling to gain a few pounds. Gaining weight can be as difficult as maintaining. The surgery is a T O O L - not a cure.

For me, its a struggle to gain 5 pounds for others it may be a struggle to not gain 5-10 pounds. Being on either end of the spectrum can be frustrating, maddening, and just plain sucks ass balls!!

We have to work at it. Right now, I'm not "allowed" to work out. I almost had my husband convinced that cleaning the house was a work out - I asked for a bi-weekly maid service - he laughed!

We just have to take it one day at a time - 1 pound up or down at a time. It's a constant work in progress. We CAN do this!!!

I put off WLS for years because I knew 2 women who lost too much and had a hard time avoiding malnutrition. As in one passed out right at the job (which was not physically strenuous in any way) As dangerous as obesity is and as much as we dislike it, the opposite end is just as serious and just as scary. In many ways it can be more so. I'm sure you're taking your vitamins, but I hope you are able to intake enough to maintain proper nutrition. So take care of yourself and stay vigilant.

And you if get a little woozy from time to time, you could probably talk him into monthly maid service

 

[TraceyT]

I cannot imagine being lower than my ideal weight and needing to regain. To most of us, that would be a welcome problem, when the reality is that it can be just as difficult to regain as it was to lose enough weight.

I love your picture. Not sure when you posted it, but it is nice to see y'all.

Thank you Karen - I posted the new pictures yesterday. One of our girls got married and the pictures are from the wedding.

I never in my wildest dreams - and I have had some pretty wild dreams in my life time - imagined I'd be under weight. I was very comfortable at 120-125. My size 6 clothing fit comfortably and I was enjoying it.

I went to Indiana to help one of my girls and I landed at the airport and went straight to Bloomington ER. I was is really bad shape. I had a UTI that was all the way up to my kidneys - to the point I was septic - and in renal failure. I was in the Bloomington ER for a week. The hospital contacted my husband - in NC - and he and my wonderful mom were on the next plane to IN. They landed at 9 or so in the evening. My husband headed straight to the hospital and to the CCU area. The Dr and nurses were telling my husband he couldn't see me till in the morning - my lovely husband disagreed. He was calling my name and he called me on the phone and came into my room. He wasn't leaving either. I was in that hospital for a week. My husband checked me out of that hospital - against medical advice - and drove us the 700 miles home. We got home and he took me to Baptist Hospital here and I was there another week. I got out of the hospital just a few days before we were to leave on vacation.

Once out of the hospital - I had NO appetite and lost probably 10 pounds or so. My dad passed away this past February and I lost more weight. I was/am still grieving. In the early days after my dad passed away - my girls would say "Mom what have you eaten?' Most days it was nothing. I literally was just going through the motions and eating truly didn't register with me. It's taken time and I am more conscious of needing to eat. My husband calls me several times a day saying - what did you eat - what do you want me to bring you - come have lunch with me. In between his calls I get texts from my girls asking the same questions. But - it's getting better. I'm eating - most days I get 60-80 grams of protein - I'm drinking liquids and trying to meet the 64oz goal - most days I don't hit it - but I'm a work in progress. I'll get there.

 

[KarenWV]

Thank you Karen - I posted the new pictures yesterday. One of our girls got married and the pictures are from the wedding.

I never in my wildest dreams - and I have had some pretty wild dreams in my life time - imagined I'd be under weight. I was very comfortable at 120-125. My size 6 clothing fit comfortably and I was enjoying it.

I went to Indiana to help one of my girls and I landed at the airport and went straight to Bloomington ER. I was is really bad shape. I had a UTI that was all the way up to my kidneys - to the point I was septic - and in renal failure. I was in the Bloomington ER for a week. The hospital contacted my husband - in NC - and he and my wonderful mom were on the next plane to IN. They landed at 9 or so in the evening. My husband headed straight to the hospital and to the CCU area. The Dr and nurses were telling my husband he couldn't see me till in the morning - my lovely husband disagreed. He was calling my name and he called me on the phone and came into my room. He wasn't leaving either. I was in that hospital for a week. My husband checked me out of that hospital - against medical advice - and drove us the 700 miles home. We got home and he took me to Baptist Hospital here and I was there another week. I got out of the hospital just a few days before we were to leave on vacation.

Once out of the hospital - I had NO appetite and lost probably 10 pounds or so. My dad passed away this past February and I lost more weight. I was/am still grieving. In the early days after my dad passed away - my girls would say "Mom what have you eaten?' Most days it was nothing. I literally was just going through the motions and eating truly didn't register with me. It's taken time and I am more conscious of needing to eat. My husband calls me several times a day saying - what did you eat - what do you want me to bring you - come have lunch with me. In between his calls I get texts from my girls asking the same questions. But - it's getting better. I'm eating - most days I get 60-80 grams of protein - I'm drinking liquids and trying to meet the 64oz goal - most days I don't hit it - but I'm a work in progress. I'll get there.

Omg Tracey, I am so sorry for you loss. Thank you for sharing your ordeal(s) and struggles with your weight and overall health. You may have helped others who are dealing with this seldom talked about possible situation. I am thankful you are surrounded by your loving caring family that are so concerned & supportive. Best wishes and prayers as you work to regain your health. ❤❤❤❤

 

[txmomof3]

Missy
I love your post. I may not log on as much as I did when I first had surgery but this site has been a wonderful tool and sharing everyone's journeys has always been a help. Just like you I have a 5lb range that is my HARD limit. I am at 15 months and this past month have struggle with those darn 5 lbs like crazy. I have tried to cut myself some slack as I did have a minor outpatient surgery that I thought might be contributing to it. But I have worked very hard to keep within that range and have gotten 4.8 of them back off to almost be back at the goal weight. I too feel like I am always on the verge of slipping up and I do not want to fail. I have been working very hard mentally to get past that, gave away all of my clothes except the two sizes above what I currently wear - trying to overcome that fear of being afraid I might need them all in case I gained it all back. My sister called me this week in a panic because she starts a new job and was telling me she has to have all new clothes, since she only wore scrubs to her old one. Lucky her -- those last two sizes hanging in my closet have just found a new home . I can feel good about them going somewhere they are really needed and stop harping on myself that I HAVE TO KEEP them just in case. To me it is the letting go of the just in case mentality that is hardest. It is so uplifting to see that other people struggle with the same issues. Not that it is great to see anyone struggle, its just nice to not feel alone.

 

[Deyadelaida]

The surgery itself won't result in magical weight loss. I recommend vaporizing the negative thoughts with affirmations.

It takes work but it's worth it.

Take a blank page in your journal or any sheet of paper and draw a vertical line down the center to make two columns.

In the first column write a negative thought like "I am ashamed." Then move to the second column and write "I'm proud of myself."
Keep doing this over and over until the page is full. As you write, allow your emotions to attach to each statement.

Theoretically you can change your deep-seated negative thought to the positive one, or at least take the power away from the negative.

I learned this in "The Only Diet There Is," which is adiet from negative thinking.

Hello
I’ve been in Seattle for a little over 2 weeks and finally have made time to focus on myself again. I had gastric bypass at the end of 2018 and feel like I never made it to my goal. Then I was diagnosed with diabetes. Gained 30 of the 70 lbs I had lost and now I’m at the verge of giving up and most definitely ashamed. I’m glad to have found this group, hopefully the journey back to health won’t be lonely

 

[maddietaylor1]

I have been struggling with how to answer this thread because I feel like I have fallen in a dark hole and can't get myself out. I really don't know what is wrong with me. I know better and get through most of the day fine but it all falls apart at night. It's like a whole other person emerges, the old me.

What everyone has been worried about is happening to me. I have regained 40+ pounds. At times I can take off some of it but it always seems it comes back so fast and then more. Today I am going back to basics. It's not like I don't know what I need to do but I can't seem to follow through. I haven't been in a good place mentally and it is taking its toll.

I have been hard on myself lately hoping that will get me back on track but it just backfires and then I start feeling like I can't do this. I need major inspiration and need to think positively. So much negative stuff at home and in the world doesn't help but I can't use it as an excuse as there will always be something.

Judy…this is me too. I think out starting point is acknowledging this is where we are in our journey and we make a choice to climb out of this hole. Today is my first day back on a forum since I was post op. I have slipped into poor eating and activity choices. I do remember when I was doing the right things, I didn’t miss sugar or processed food. My struggle is remembering how to structure my days. My goal is to find inspiration.

 

[missyinacage]

Hello ladies. It's hard to get on track and stay on track. Especially when the beginning is pretty much blink and lose a pound. I think it's important to acknowledge it's still a struggle even years later and how much work goes into maintaining. Or trying to get to your original goal, even. I think the real lesson of that first year, in which most were very successful, is to make the time for yourself and your needs.

I see a lot of commentary regarding bring the focus back to ourselves. I am guilty of this too. It's hard to remember to treat yourself well so many other people and situations require so much energy. And it's nice to say you can't take care of anything if you don't take care of yourself first. But that's not true at all is it? People run themselves into early graves every day.

Take the time to get back on track. Not because we can't pour from an empty cup but because we are worth it on our own.

 

[Bridge1967]

Since you

I had gastric bypass in May of 2001 and I have gained 50-60 lbs back. I yo-yo back and forth and find myself struggling to keep food out of my mouth. I am ashamed and don't tell anyone I have had the surgery. It is embarrassing because some people just don't understand and I figure it is none of their business. I never really get hungry but have an empty feeling. I struggle to stop eating when I am full. I am so thankful so see other people that are 20 years out also have this issue. Thank you for sharing.

You say your in a "dark" place. Think of contacting a counselor and/or find a support group for bariatric surgery in real world. Don't think that you have to do this all on your own!

 

[Roni]

One of the places I felt let down after bariatric surgery was going to only annual check ups. Especially after all the appointments before and after surgery. I am blessed that I have two teams, the hospital team where I had my surgery and the VA bariatric team. From the VA I requested quarterly monitoring. I just had a set back where I gained 12 pounds in two weeks time. My VA dr and I talked it out and determined it was the stress of getting my pool deck built before the permit expired. The second part was eating the bulk of my food after working on the deck/yard for hours and missing meal times for lunch and dinner and of course snacks. With the VA I am also in a program called move which is a group of veterans needing to lose weight and talking about food, activities and mental perspective of food. I need to weigh myself in the next day or two and see if my meal times are back on track. I am good that I haven’t beaten myself up over the gain. I did buy a size 16 swimsuit that fits, waiting to find someone to take a pick of me in the pool in it for my before and after picture. It will happen it is just a when it will happen.

 

[Rustybeth]

I love this thread because I'm on both sides of the fence. I got a lap band in 2002 and lost a lot of weight and kept it off until 2009 when I got pregnant. Didn't gain a lot but I didn't lose what I did gain. Then again in 2011. And it just crept up from there. I went past my original high and now I'm in a position where I have to lose weight for necessary surgery. So I'm working on getting approval for GB (after my lap band removal and recovery) if my surgeon will do it with the ventral hernia I have. I hated the feelings I went through when I started gaining and felt like a total failure. The surgeon counseled me that lap bands are not as successful as research first promised, so I decided to at least work on the GB option. I've been working on myself, my behaviors, my attitudes and so many things I never touched on before the first surgery. I know I'll be in a better place if I get to go through with it, even though I know it will always be work.

 

[GardenB]

I wonder where in each of us that key moment lies when we shift from one way of living to another. I knew I had sleep apnea and couldn’t wait for my CPAP then felt trapped by it and refused to wear it for 3+ years. Then my health coach said something super simple but it changed my mindset. I spent six months sending my sister screenshots of how long I’d worn it to reassure her and reinforce the habit for me. At some point my app stopped working but by then it was an entrenched habit. My other pivotal moment came while running for public office. One particular evening was so stressful that as I looked at the Cheeto I was about to eat I realized it could do nothing at all to help my situation. Again, it was simple but profound. I needed admin help, PR help, a researcher, etc. a piece of food, however tasty, would never be able to fill any of those roles. Change is so personal. You never know when the moment is going to come that changes everything. I think we must be kind to ourselves while making this journey. The first few years after I had cancer, I was obsessed and extremely fearful it would come back. Over time, while I still have to deal with meds & side effects daily, the fear melted away. I hope the re-gain anxiety will follow that same path.

 

[KAT in PA]

i think it's a real hindrance that overeating isn't classified as a bona fide eating disorder. If we didn't have an eating disorder, we'd eat normally and never gain unhealthy weight.

And there's so much shame attached to it because not only do we know it on the inside, but it shows on the outside. And for some reason people don't seem to restrain their comments, as if telling you you're fat is constructive criticism.

sounds like you've got a lot going on, but you've got 20 years of seniority in body image & weight loss. I had RYGB 15 years ago and have maintained a mostly normal weight ever since. I just joined the YMCA today on a scholarship (senior citizen & poor) and can't wait to get my Y backpack all set up so I can run up there any time I feel motivated to work out & then veg out in the spa.

Reading about how others feel compelled at times to comment on our size, made me think of early May this year, pre-surgery for me, we were at a family wedding and watching two great nephews while their mom got ready for the wedding. The 5 year old looked me over and said, "you're Thicc". I knew enough that this was a slang term and figured he was saying I was fat. I asked his 10 year old brother nevertheless. He said that his little brother was describing me as big, curvy and sexy. Ha! LOL!

 

[Ange6012]

Reading about how others feel compelled at times to comment on our size, made me think of early May this year, pre-surgery for me, we were at a family wedding and watching two great nephews while their mom got ready for the wedding. The 5 year old looked me over and said, "you're Thicc". I knew enough that this was a slang term and figured he was saying I was fat. I asked his 10 year old brother nevertheless. He said that his little brother was describing me as big, curvy and sexy. Ha! LOL!

My hubby has been upset since my surgery. Asking why I felt the need to do this when I was just fine the way I was.
Well the other night we were sitting in the livingroom. With his mom and they are talking about his sister and her hubby. And they kept commenting on his weight and what he isn't capable of doing. Then same night our neighbors daughter and husband were outside and hubby says to me " look how big she got! Wow! I bet he doesn't work". I said why not he goes " he can barely move what could he possibly do"

I turned and looked at him and said. That's it. Right there! He said what. I said how you and your family who by the way are no thin mints, talk about everyone who is fat, what you think they can and cannot do. Do not EVER ask me why I chose to to this when im so perfect. That to my face what do you all say when I'm not around

 

[KAT in PA]

My hubby has been upset since my surgery. Asking why I felt the need to do this when I was just fine the way I was.
Well the other night we were sitting in the livingroom. With his mom and they are talking about his sister and her hubby. And they kept commenting on his weight and what he isn't capable of doing. Then same night our neighbors daughter and husband were outside and hubby says to me " look how big she got! Wow! I bet he doesn't work". I said why not he goes " he can barely move what could he possibly do"

I turned and looked at him and said. That's it. Right there! He said what. I said how you and your family who by the way are no thin mints, talk about everyone who is fat, what you think they can and cannot do. Do not EVER ask me why I chose to to this when im so perfect. That to my face what do you all say when I'm not around

Exactly!! The judgements made are real and constant. I did this for me, but it's not without considering those who depend upon me. But those are MY feelings about what I want for me, not someone else telling me I need to be more/do more. I want to be the healthiest version of myself after this re-set, committed to making this tool work for me long term. I'm 55, I hope to have many more good decades ahead to be active, productive, and maybe one day a grandma who can get on the floor to play with grandbabies, chase them around, etc. I'm not without my own faults in this area, but I am not one to verbalize and gossip. My brother is also very heavy (thank you genetics) and he visited for a weekend after my surgery. I was very aware of my thoughts about what he was eating, his portion sizes, and how his eating habits are impacting his health. I would never say anything to him but I was surprised at my own judgmental thoughts and need to be a positive example and supportive to him for who he chooses to be.