New to chat but need support

[Brenae]

Hello all! I had gastric sleeve surgery May of 2019. I was doing fantastic! My doctors were thrilled I was thrilled life was going great and I was getting healthier. Then a few family members passed away and my husband and I separated and I have two kids at home a toddler and a teen. Husband and I separated a few months after purchasing our first home together after seven years. So money stress is now a huge issue which I’ve not had before. Our income together was perfect but our income separate is not going to keep this house. Long story short. I’m not doing so well anymore. I have not gained but I’ve not lost anything else either. I’ve found myself “sneaking” into those Reese eggs I used to love so much or taking a bite of cake which I then go back for another bite. It’s esp hard being stuck inside As I truly enjoyed and looked forward to the gym as it was my only escape and something that was just mine I could do without the husband or kids needing something or fighting with my spouse. It was my release and that release is gone. Yes everyone says you can still work out at home and yes you can and should but I don’t have the motivation I once did. I don’t want to be the statistic that gains the weight right back. Used to go to support groups but that isn’t possible now so looking for support online.

 

[eladams2015]

I am sorry about all you are going thru. It is hard to not go back to old ways of coping, which includes food for most of us here. The answer is simple, but not easy - choosing what you know to do whether you feel like it or not. For me, there are times that I can sail thru a week without trouble, and sometimes it too much to focus on today, and I have to focus on just making the right choice in an hour, or in a moment. If you are able to see a counselor to help you through this time, I highly encourage it. If that is not an option right now, read self help books - I know that Brenda2010 has listed some books that helped her a lot on various posts - perhaps she can reiterate those here. What you are going thru is challenging and painful and it sucks - it is going to be hard to always make that right choice or do what you don't feel like doing (or not doing as the case may be).

 

[Double.Bariatric.Babe]

Hello all! I had gastric sleeve surgery May of 2019. I was doing fantastic! My doctors were thrilled I was thrilled life was going great and I was getting healthier. Then a few family members passed away and my husband and I separated and I have two kids at home a toddler and a teen. Husband and I separated a few months after purchasing our first home together after seven years. So money stress is now a huge issue which I’ve not had before. Our income together was perfect but our income separate is not going to keep this house. Long story short. I’m not doing so well anymore. I have not gained but I’ve not lost anything else either. I’ve found myself “sneaking” into those Reese eggs I used to love so much or taking a bite of cake which I then go back for another bite. It’s esp hard being stuck inside As I truly enjoyed and looked forward to the gym as it was my only escape and something that was just mine I could do without the husband or kids needing something or fighting with my spouse. It was my release and that release is gone. Yes everyone says you can still work out at home and yes you can and should but I don’t have the motivation I once did. I don’t want to be the statistic that gains the weight right back. Used to go to support groups but that isn’t possible now so looking for support online.

Sending you a virtual hug. Seems like you are truly going through a lot right now. I can relate to how you feel about working out at home vs in your preferred setting. I used to use trail hiking and running as a way to cope with anxiety. I had hurt my knees and couldn't do that particular form of exercise anymore and it took a toll on me mentally. I joined a gym and it wasn't the same. I wasn't as motivated, at least not the same way I used to be when I ran outside or walked trails. It is crazy how sad I got when I didn't have that outlet in my life. I ended up seeking out a behavioral health therapist to help me work through some of the issues. It was covered by my insurance, copayments were $25. I know some folks still end up having to pay larger copayments depending on their plan or this just isn't an option for them. I think what eladams2015 suggested about self help books are a great start as well finding a friend or relative who can really just listen to you vent. I think it speaks volumes that you've already targeted that you would not like to fall back into old habits. Congratulations on maintaining your weight despite your workout program changing.

 

[Brenae]

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I searched last night for a support group online so that someone could relate and help me through this time. I love the suggestions and especially the quote! Self help books sounds very reliable and certainly something able to do now we are all stuck at home. I turned to chat forums as it is not so easy to talk to family. My father and I didn't have a relationship until I graduated high school (even though we lived in the same house) he was verbally abusive to an extreme I began throwing up after I ate and when I was in middle school I was hospitalized for attempting suicide. It really was a cry for help. He consistently told me how fat and ugly I was and that I would never have anyone love me. I know now, after years of therapy it was his anger talking. I was the youngest out of four girls and the doctors told my parents I was a boy. They believed I was a boy until I came out. From that day on my father resented me. I still am searching for a way to tell him I forgive him, even though he has never said he is sorry. One day I will get the courage to write it all to him. He told me I was supposed to be his only son. So I paid for that for 18 years of my life. I even joined the military as he is a Vietnam Veteran, Marine. I don't regret joining as it has given me and my kids endless possibilities, but I just wanted his approval. My mother had sleeve surgery 6 years ago in Mexico and she did quite well but she is very judgmental sometimes. Even though I consider her one of my closest friends in the world and even though we are 3000+ miles apart we talk almost daily. When I was in school, granted that was almost 20 years ago, she put me on every diet known to man. I would be dancing to Richard Simmons dancing to the oldies for those who remember that lol I ate cabbage soup and egg and cottage cheese diets all the time as I had to maintain my image. Really I think it was her image I was having to maintain as she went through similar things as a child. She was a majorette in the 60's and had to look a certain way. I was a cheerleader and on the homecoming court (small town) but I had to look a certain way. It certainly did mess me up even into adulthood. I do see a therapist, usually in person, but it is because I have developed major depressive disorder that I have to take medications for. There is so many variables with weight and I know I want to look and feel better not just for me, but my children. You all are fantastic and I am so grateful I found you all! Thank again! Please let me know if I am ever becoming to personal or you feel I am just complaining.. just looking to talk and gain perspective. Much love and gratitude!

 

[Brenda2010]

As El mentioned, there are a list of books I came across when getting started on this journey: The 5 Books You Must Read If You Struggle With Food Or Weight

I hope one or all help. I'm so sorry to hear of your recent struggles. A new life is waiting around the corner for you!