You ARE good, and you ARE ready. I feel you about that number. My surgeon told me that, too, and it was nothing but nightmares from that moment until I was in pre-anesthesia. I remember getting a big greasy cheeseburger and sitting on the porch, eating, choking, crying. I thought it was the last one I'd ever eat. I can still taste it!
It took steel will to make it to surgery day. I had RYGB with an open procedure--major surgery. Three days in the hospital, another week in bed at home. It wasn't fun.
Two weeks later I was up and creating protein drinks, creamy cereal with Magic Milk, puddings, soups, and gradually added soft foods and then a normal diet.
I lost 35 pounds the first month, 25 the second and 15 the third. Then I stalled for a while, but added treadmill at the YMCA and hiking mountain trails. I hate exercise, but I loved getting fit. My self-esteem soared. It was all easy street after that until I reached my goal.
It's a process. Drop a bunch of your anxiety on the floor and take a deep breath. You'll succeed, then fail, then succeed... In your own time, on your clock. Don't sweat the number. Enjoy the journey. Eat what you want, then eat what you should, and back again. That's what so-called normal people do.
Right now, check your shoulders. Did they tighten up while you read that? You're just scared. Let it go. Wherever you go, that's where you are. And that's awesome.
