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Newstart new me

Ange6012

Ange6012

Member
Surgery date: 05/29/22
Weightloss as of 01/09/24: 97lbs
The only issues I currently have are negative Nellie's. Ok my inlaws! Who make comments still about keeping clothes that don't fit me for when I gain my weight back: I handle this by smiling, taking it in responding with I will not need those clothes I will buy new! And inside use those comments to keep me on track and determined on my hungry craving days.

And those who say how much have you lost. Well yea it's easy when you had surgery: this comment makes me so angry because we all know it's not easier because we had surgery, we still have to watch what we eat, drink. Make sure we are taking out vitamins, getting in enough water and protein.
 
People can be assholes. I will never understand that group of folks who can only feel good about themselves by breaking others down. And In laws are tricky because you can't just tell them to F*off or make a truly rude "shut them up for good" comment cuz you have to talk to them again lol

It isn't easy and we all know that. They probably know it too. Some people just can't keep their thoughts to themselves. And I will never understand why people think its ok to share their opinions about your body to your face!! Like do you sit around at Xmas going Wow in laws, you guys sure are looking old lately .. Better buy some wrinkle cream!

Ignore them. You're doing awesome and we know how hard you work for your success. Hopefully your spouse does too.
 
missyinacage said:
They probably know it too.
Click to expand...

I agree with everything you said so well, Missy. The only questionable point is whether they "probably know it too." I have so many siblings (7 in all) who have shared the same deficiencies I did growing up. I wonder if others here share with me this family who just automatically say these canned rude things that have been part of being an adult for generations. I is SO HARD not to let these be the first thoughts that leap to mind. They really HAVE been brainwashed.

I know after multiple suicide attempts and ideations and admissions to hospitals that my thought process is different. I'm the kind of person who would never say anything mean to someone on purpose, to their face. But in my family, it's like a prize fight to see who wins the blue ribbon for being meanest. Yet there's no shame in winning, though there should be.

If I'd succeeded in killing myself, believe me, they would have just gone on as usual after pigging out at the funeral service. I don't know why people are the way they are, but the fact is, they are. Maybe I wasn't that way because I was such a victim, so damaged, it never would have occurred to me to hurt someone else the way I was hurt.

Over time, without noticing, their criticism didn't bother me any more. Maybe because I got older and the changes that come with age are way more obvious and hurtful than the wrinkles and sags from losing an enormous amount of weight.

It's really important to detach from the Mattel brainwashing that we should all look like Barbie dolls. Check this out:

"✓ If Barbie were an actual women, she would be 5'9” tall, have a 39” bust, an 18” waist, 33” hips and a size 3 shoe! ✓ Barbie calls this a “full figure” and likes her weight at 110 lbs. ✓ At 5'9” tall and weighing 110 lbs, Barbie would have a BMI of 16.24 and fit the weight criteria for anorexia."

Even though our friends and relatives actually know this on some level, nothing is more destructive and delusional than jealousy.

​

 
missyinacage said:
People can be assholes. I will never understand that group of folks who can only feel good about themselves by breaking others down. And In laws are tricky because you can't just tell them to F*off or make a truly rude "shut them up for good" comment cuz you have to talk to them again lol

It isn't easy and we all know that. They probably know it too. Some people just can't keep their thoughts to themselves. And I will never understand why people think its ok to share their opinions about your body to your face!! Like do you sit around at Xmas going Wow in laws, you guys sure are looking old lately .. Better buy some wrinkle cream!

Ignore them. You're doing awesome and we know how hard you work for your success. Hopefully your spouse does too.
Click to expand...
You made me laugh with the wrinkle comment. Yes Assholes will be assholes, thank God I am able to vent to my hubby! (Who btw, I think is struggling himself with the changes in my weight and size.
 
missyinacage said:
People can be assholes. I will never understand that group of folks who can only feel good about themselves by breaking others down. And In laws are tricky because you can't just tell them to F*off or make a truly rude "shut them up for good" comment cuz you have to talk to them again lol

It isn't easy and we all know that. They probably know it too. Some people just can't keep their thoughts to themselves. And I will never understand why people think its ok to share their opinions about your body to your face!! Like do you sit around at Xmas going Wow in laws, you guys sure are looking old lately .. Better buy some wrinkle cream!

Ignore them. You're doing awesome and we know how hard you work for your success. Hopefully your spouse does too.
Click to expand...
And thank you so much for the encouragement❤️
 
I think we tend to forget that our weight loss and the lifestyle changes are a huge change for our spouses as well. You literally look and feel like an entirely different person. My husband used to wake up when he'd roll over to snuggle cuz "who the hell is in my bed?!?" lol
That's without mentioning the change in your focus and the way you eat, exercise and live in general. It does become second nature though. It just takes some time.
 
Well there you have it! We went shopping the other day. When we got home we did our usual fashion show to see what each other got.
I came out with one of the outfits and hubby said "why does everything have to be so tight."
I got so self concious and responded "they are a size 8, that's the size I am, they aren't that tight look I can bend. They are comfortable"
Later on, after thinking about it,I got really mad. We were talking about something and I said "oh BTW, I just have to go back to how tight my pants were before. I have spent my entire life wearing BIG clothes to hide the weight I kept being told I needed to lose (never by him though) and feeling terrible about myself on my own for my weight because psychologically my brain focuses on it. I have no intention of feeling anymore self conscious than I already do about myself after this weightloss. If I feel good in my clothes you should be happy not try to make me worry about how I look. I do that enough when I take my clothes off" he said "I didn't mean to make you feel bad, I just don't think you look comfortable in them.
But I know that he's not comfortable with me in them. But as it was said to me in a previous post. He's struggling to get used to this new me also. 35 years we are together always heavy. This is only almost 2 years of losing and the most noticeable in the last 5 or 6 months. And people noticing.
 
My husband and I have both had WLS and still deal with some of these issues. Mostly because of our own insecurities. How we feel about our own bodies and our own worthiness.

It's honestly stupid but he's (probably) now thinking about other people checking you out and he hasn't had to do that in years! Not because you weren't worth being checked out but because you'd already worked through all that crap lol Now you're out here, looking hot in your tight pants. And it throws his insecurities out front. Just like the beginning of any new relationship when you're unsure of where you stand. The "this person is so wonderful, they could have anyone, why me?" weirdness we all go through.

That for sure happened to both my husband and myself. I am not insecure about my husband at all and am usually pretty secure in own self. But boy, I was like " He's looking awful cute. Out there in the world .. traveling for work. Running into younger, hotter, more accomplished women." As if he hasn't chosen me every day for the last 20 years. As if I was suddenly less than I had been a few months before. EVEN with my own large weight loss and extra dose of self esteem! Dumb .. but human.

So, your hubs will get over himself soon lol And good on you for addressing it immediately and not letting it fester.
 
Ange6012 said:
Well there you have it! We went shopping the other day. When we got home we did our usual fashion show to see what each other got.
I came out with one of the outfits and hubby said "why does everything have to be so tight."
I got so self concious and responded "they are a size 8, that's the size I am, they aren't that tight look I can bend. They are comfortable"
Later on, after thinking about it,I got really mad. We were talking about something and I said "oh BTW, I just have to go back to how tight my pants were before. I have spent my entire life wearing BIG clothes to hide the weight I kept being told I needed to lose (never by him though) and feeling terrible about myself on my own for my weight because psychologically my brain focuses on it. I have no intention of feeling anymore self conscious than I already do about myself after this weightloss. If I feel good in my clothes you should be happy not try to make me worry about how I look. I do that enough when I take my clothes off" he said "I didn't mean to make you feel bad, I just don't think you look comfortable in them.
But I know that he's not comfortable with me in them. But as it was said to me in a previous post. He's struggling to get used to this new me also. 35 years we are together always heavy. This is only almost 2 years of losing and the most noticeable in the last 5 or 6 months. And people noticing.
Click to expand...
Maybe he fears other men being atracted to you now since you have a shaplier figure? You are becoming too sexy for his comfort.
 
Ange6012 said:
Surgery date: 05/29/22
Weightloss as of 01/09/24: 97lbs
The only issues I currently have are negative Nellie's. Ok my inlaws! Who make comments still about keeping clothes that don't fit me for when I gain my weight back: I handle this by smiling, taking it in responding with I will not need those clothes I will buy new! And inside use those comments to keep me on track and determined on my hungry craving days.

And those who say how much have you lost. Well yea it's easy when you had surgery: this comment makes me so angry because we all know it's not easier because we had surgery, we still have to watch what we eat, drink. Make sure we are taking out vitamins, getting in enough water and protein.
Click to expand...
I would love to make a t-shirt that’s says” ANYTHING NEGATIVE to say DON’T Talk cuz I AIN’T LISTENING
 
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