Secret

[Kcuster83]

I am sure this has already came up, but why do I feel so inclined to keep my decision to have WLS a secret? I mean, everyone in life has seen me struggle. Constantly lose and gain large amount of weight all of my adult life. My entire family is obese if not morbidly obese and have tons of related medical issues. I currently have no medical issues except severe GERD, but want/need to do something before I end up in horrible health. Anyway, I just don't want to tell anyone, I feel ashamed of it for some reason. My wife obviously knows, and is in total support. She also supports my decisions to tell people or not to tell people. I haven't even told my life long best friend. I made up some bull crap story to get a month off of work without having to tell my employer. It's not like people aren't going to notice the drastic difference in my eating habits and the weight loss. I guess I really just don't want anyone's opinion about it or their need to tell me what is or is not good for me.

 

[missyinacage]

It's a hard thing. We're all taught that our obesity is some failing of our own willpower. That if we'd just work out and eat better, we could overcome. My favorite part of my pre WLS class was the full explanation of the how's and why's of obesity. The hormones, the set body weight, how your body changes the way it processes food. Most people don't have that knowledge.

Even with all that knowledge, I think many people still think it IS the easy way out or that you're somehow cheating. I know I thought that with a tiny stomach and rerouted intestines, OF COURSE I was never going to be able to eat too much or anything bad. (spoiler alert: you can and it's hard work to change your lifestyle)

I told everyone, although that does not seem to be the norm. People will always judge you, regardless of what you tell them. I made a great decision for my life and my health. And I was not going to allow others the power to make me feel shame that I wasn't doing it "naturally". Which is how I personally would have felt if I had lied about it. So, when people were like "why can't you just..." and "Well, I don't think .." I'd just tell them I didn't ask for their opinion on my decision and until I do, keep it to yourself.

You can and will get many other opinions about this topic. And you should make whatever choice you are comfortable with. However, do NOT feel ashamed that you've "had" to make this choice. Losing weight and most importantly, keeping it off is crazy difficult. And there are tools now to help you, such as WLS. You wouldn't be ashamed that your gallbladder wasn't functioning properly, and you had to have surgery to fix that. You wouldn't be ashamed that you got cancer and got treatment for that. WLS is a proven way to treat the disease of obesity. Good on you for making the best decision for your health and your future.

 

[KarenWV]

You can choose who you tell about any medical procedure or decision you make. You might make it private, or selectively public. If you want to be truthful but private, you can share that you've decided to work on becoming more healthy through changing your diet (which you'll be doing) and increasing your movement (also will be happening). Your body, your choice!

 

[3momchaos]

I’m like Missy, I told everyone. I told a complete stranger yesterday because I was talking about my change in shoe size. I wear my weight loss surgery as a badge of honor. I am proud of my ability to have had it done. I’m not saying that others who keep it to themselves are not. I’m willing to go toe to toe with those who would doubt the surgery, and tell me it’s the easy way out or they know so in so who had it done and gained it all back. It’s very personal for everyone, but be proud of your choices whether you keep it to yourself or not. Taking control of your health is no small feat, and you’re doing amazing by having this surgery.

 

[RecoveringSecretEater]

It’s tough because we are bombarded with negative messages when it comes to those of us that struggle with weight. It seems like other conditions warrant compassion except obesity and mental health disorders. Truthfully there are more but basically those who have not lived your life are suddenly experts on how you should handle it. I agree with missy, Karen, and 3momchaos. You DEFINITELY have nothing to be ashamed of. You are fighting and working for your best life for yourself and loved ones and those who have ish to say…they will become a obscure footnote in this journey. Not worth the headache. I will tell earnest individuals about my journey. People talk, judge, empathize, are inspired, criticize, and everything else. Do what rings true for you, but never feel ashamed. We are all work in progress and just doing our best to be our better selves. Live authentically and you’ll be ok with any decisions made.

 

[Kcuster83]

Thanks ladies.

 

[suzannethemom]

Initially, I was going to share my future WLS with family and friends because I have nothing to hide and I need as much love and support as I can get. BUT then I told my sister and I got a negative reaction, so that changed my decision. From now on, only my husband and adult sons will share in this journey. I think of the surgery as a private matter which is nobody’s business, just like other topics that we don’t discuss like how much money we make or our sex lives or how much we spent on a new car or our house. Those are private things that I don’t share because I don’t want to hear anyone’s stupid opinion.

 

[MANDY2910]

I told my sister and she was just plain cruel about it. My mother had WLS when I was young, so she seemed to understand, and my husband is behind me 100%. After I told my sister and she flipped out on me I decided to keep it to myself. I agree with RecoveringSecretEater… if you have a weight problem or a mental illness you are branded as weak. That is not the case.

 

[Kcuster83]

I guess everyone just has to do what they feel is good for them.

 

[moremeatplease]

I guess I really just don't want anyone's opinion about it or their need to tell me what is or is not good for me.

This is my reason for only telling a few people outside my immediate family. One of those people had BS their self and 2 are good friends. I semi-regret telling the first one, as it's a work mate and I feel like now everyone will know. Surprising since they were so private about their own surgery. I was working with a lady at that time and heard so many negative comments about other people at work who had WLS. Even though I considered the source, it made me realize just how opinionated people are about something that has nothing to do with them. I've heard the "easy way out" comments, but having seen my sister's struggle with Gastric bypass surgery and talking to others who have had the sleeve, I know it's not easy. I used to tell that lady that people should do whatever they need to do to get healthy. She, also being overweight, would say, "I know I can do it on my own." My thought was always, you can, but will you? That was over 3 yrs ago and she hasn't done it yet. The way I look at it, I've been unhappy with my weight from the first time I realized it made me different in a negative way. Looking back, that was about age 11 or 12. Funny how it wasn't a problem until someone pointed it out to me. I'm now in my 50s. I've lost and gained over the years like most of us here. I'm now taking BP meds, pre-diabetic. I have young children (oldest is 20, youngest is 12) and I'm facing the reality that if I want to live to see them grow up and get married, have babies, and be able to enjoy those babies when the time comes, then I have to get healthy NOW. It's really nobody else's business how I choose to get there. Kcuster83, you do what you need to do to live your best life. Tell those who are loving and supportive and won't bring negativity into your situation. Anyone else doesn't deserve access into your health journey.

 

[NewlifeCO]

I just don't think its anyone's business.

 

[Roni]

I have not needed to keep my WLS secret. I talk openly about it. I have talked about my fear of not succeeding after seeing a person with lap and and another with the sleeve lose and then regain weight. A mentor had weight loss surgery and talked about all the food/dietary changes she had to make to be successful. A person at social security office told me about bypass when I was going through my application for disability. I had never heard of it. She opened up a new doorway for me. I had been against the idea of weight loss surgery for over two years in spite of my primary care dr encouraging me to get it. Yes I have heard easy way out , cheating, it is more important on how you think about it. It takes no work to fall into bad habits, it takes commitment to succeed to overturn the bad habits. be your own best friend, learn to love yourself first. Do not give your power away to the negative people around you. Look in the mirror talk to yourself, believe in yourself, believe you can do this just for you.