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What do you say?

suzannethemom

suzannethemom

Member
I was reading a thread regarding whether or not to tell relatives and friends about having bariatric surgery. It sounds like the potential for criticism and negative reactions is pretty high. Unfortunately, I found that out first hand when I recently shared with my sister that I had a consultation regarding WLS. As a result, I have decided to only discuss my journey with my husband and kids. QUESTION: What do you tell relatives and friends when you see them a year or so down the road at a much lower weight? They are going to notice the significant weight loss and ask “what did you do?” Do I lie and say “diet and exercise” or say something else?
 
As Diane said, you can explain that you are choosing to get healthy by changing your eating habits (which of course is the truth, right) and including exercise as part of your healthy routine (again, the truth). You can certainly pick & choose who you want to reveal your surgery to. And disclosing any surgery is a matter of your privacy or openness. Good luck dealing with negativity.
 
dianeseattle said:
The thing is, when obese people ask how you did it, they don't want to learn and change. They are hoping it was magic and they can learn the spell. They know bariatric surgery works. There's no up side to sharing your journey with curiosity seekers. They could do it with no help from anyone.
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Obese people? They do not exist in my family or married family. I am the ONLY one. I am the black sheep. Nobody has ever or will ever ask ME for weight loss advice. If anything, they will think I cheated and took the easy route. And that is why I will never share my surgery story (if and when it happens). I like Anne’s answer “I changed my diet and exercise habits.”
 
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suzannethemom said:
Obese people? They do not exist in my family or married family. I am the ONLY one. I am the black sheep. Nobody has ever or will ever ask ME for weight loss advice. If anything, they will think I cheated and took the easy route. And that is why I will never share my surgery story (if and when it happens). I like Anne’s answer “I changed my diet and exercise habits.”
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That's all you need to say. No explanation needed. ;)
 
I seem to have a different perspective. I actually told everyone. Not everyone was supportive, but quite honestly, some people will not support any improvement you make no matter how hard you worked for it. They'll be judging you either way. If you tell them that you had surgery, they'll say it's the easy way out. If you tell them that you have made lifestyle changes; they'll still think you had to have had surgery or lypo, or something because they cannot believe that you did something to earn it.

And while you don't need to explain yourself to anyone, for me, lying about it (omission is lying IMO), gave them a power over me that I cannot allow. I am a fully grown adult woman. If I don't need their approval; then I have to accept that their disapproval is equally unimportant. And if someone is comfortable enough to judge me to my face, then I have to be comfortable enough to tell them that I didn't ask for, nor do I care about their opinion.
 
I’ve wondered how I would handle this myself and my decision keeps changing. Once when I was on a medically supervised diet at the weight management center at the hospital I worked at, coworkers would ask me how I did it and I’d tell them and many of them would either scoff at the cost, strict diet, or weekly meetings with dietitian and support group. I would be irritated because it’s like why ask if you’re going to act like that? I told my sister whose supportive, my mom who only tells me horror stories about my decision and my new personal trainer because I’ll need to pause sessions while recovering. So far my plan has been to deflect and turn it around to ask them “ why? Are you trying to improve your health?” A neighbor recently asked me because I am losing some weight during this process and instead of explaining everything I said are you looking to lose weight or something? And they went on this long story about being indoors and grazing all day and not being active. And then they basically said but they don’t want to do anything because they’re lazy, as they chuckled. Then we departed without me actually saying anything. I think if she would have said she tried XYZ or looked into so in so, I may have probed a little more before saying anything about WLS. I figure this is transactional, if you want and feel privy to my life’s details then it’s only fair we make this a fair exchange. Gossip will happen, I can’t control that. So I guess I’m making it situational. It’s like my way of saying “ serious inquiries only”.
 
I agree that each situation is different and might require a different answer. I have a cousin who hosts Thanksgiving dinner every year. She is a psychologist and a snob. It’s the only time we see her and that group of relatives, so I don’t feel inclined to share anything personal with them. I just want to shop up in November looking fabulous (hopefully) and leave without any judgment.
 
missyinacage said:
I seem to have a different perspective. I actually told everyone. Not everyone was supportive, but quite honestly, some people will not support any improvement you make no matter how hard you worked for it. They'll be judging you either way. If you tell them that you had surgery, they'll say it's the easy way out. If you tell them that you have made lifestyle changes; they'll still think you had to have had surgery or lypo, or something because they cannot believe that you did something to earn it.

And while you don't need to explain yourself to anyone, for me, lying about it (omission is lying IMO), gave them a power over me that I cannot allow. I am a fully grown adult woman. If I don't need their approval; then I have to accept that their disapproval is equally unimportant. And if someone is comfortable enough to judge me to my face, then I have to be comfortable enough to tell them that I didn't ask for, nor do I care about their opinion.
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Amen! That’s exactly what I had to do when I mentioned the surgery to my younger (and much thinner) sister. The first words out of her mouth were venomous about getting off my lazy butt and working out and eating right like she does. You hit the nail on the head: No one has the right to make you feel bad about your decision to do something good for yourself. AND… having WLS isn’t the easy way out! Ignorant people say ignorant things
 
Weight loss surgery is work. If someone tells you it is easy ….ask them what they know about the surgery. Do they know what you have to do to start this process? You jump through hoops with dietician, psychologist, dr, RN. It is not an easy path and don’t let anyone tell you it is. It is a lifestyle change, it is changing your approach to food. It is not like smoking or alcohol, your body still needs food no matter what. This is not an easy decision, there are usually medical conditions that influence the decision. I tell people but I have not experienced negative results. I also am 63 years old, I want to lose the excess weight in a time frame that I am not going to be dead before l get to live again.
 
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