What does this question really mean?

[Kim M]

I am 5 months post op and I get this question a lot from coworkers some friends and even some family. How are you doing? This usually means how much weight have you lost. Thanks for asking, but WLS is life changing and it is sooo much more than the weight. I don't know maybe I'm just being a b^&*h, but I perfer how has your life changed? Not that I want to go into lengthly explanations at work and there is only so much peope want to hear about how my world has been turned upside down. I usually say fine, but that feels like a lie. There have been so many postive emotional and physically changes which have allowed me to get back into particpating in life again. But I am also dealing with more attention which I am not really comfortable with. Being fat I was invisable. Having to deal with all my feelings without my escape into food. Mourning the loss of a life wasted by an addiction they doesn't get the same type as acceptance as other addictions. Even WLS is only part of the tools of recovery. I have been to OA and inpatient tx center for addiction and am still struggling with my addiction. Yes I am losing weight, but I am going through so much more. The fall has never been a good time of year for me so maybe it's me. So how do others interpret this question?

 

[fkrebs]

Hi Kim,

Congrats on your successes. I've just had my surgery, but I know several people who've had the surgery and have asked the same question myself. The response varied from fine to a more in depth response. The closer the friend, the more they told me. When I asked that question I never wanted to know exactly how much weight they were losing, but more to know they were on track and to let them know I cared. I think the fact that you've felt invisible most of your life makes this question seem a bit intrusive, but try to take it in the spirit it is offered, most people want you to do well and are curious. Once I started thinking about surgery my questions became more specific. Know that you were never invisible, people are now seeing you work very hard at improving your life and they're letting you know they notice and care.

Congrats on the weight loss so far, but more importantly, the changes that you are making and going through to get there. You're an inspiration to me, as I'm just starting out.

 

[Pat99]

Kim-I can empathize with you. For the first few months after surgery some people, mostly relatives, would come right out and ask me how much weight I lost so far. Although I feel this is a rude thing to ask under any circumstances I would just smile and say "I really don't know". After I replied in this manner the question stopped being asked and was replaced by other comments like "You look good", or "WOW look at you, etc. Sometime I think people just don't think and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, but I don't think they say this stuff to be mean. You just have to learn to take it in stride and think of it as a compliment.

 

[Kelly Templeton]

Kim,
I can really understand your feelings, I have the same things going on (I'm 6 months out from my sleeve), but usually people around me come right out and ask how much weight have you lost now? I do wish they would just say "How are you doing", because sooooo much of what you said about addiction and mourning a life lost, is my day to day struggles. The weight loss is a great side affect of the life changes we are making, but it's not the hard part for us...learning how to cope with life stresses without eating yourself sick or changing addictions is!!
I do think that finding a few friends that understand my relationship with food and talking with them, has helped alot. But its the acquaintances that ask the question, "How much have you lost" thats difficult. I'm embarrassed and ashamed that my life got so out of control, and that food was by best friend, and all though I'm sure that people mean well, it is really hard to face the questions everyday.
Lately I have discussed with close friends the fact that right now I'm an addict without an addiction, and I feel really vulnerable and weak, they are very willing to help support me anyway they can and sometimes it just talking and walking with me. It helps alot.
I'm really interested in seeing how other people handle the questions!!!

Kelly