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what's the meanest thing anyone ever said to you about being fat?

dianeseattle

dianeseattle

Member
We really need to change the nature of the dialog between thin and fat.

It's all over our culture in books, movies, tv, clothes, radio shows, media releases, etc. that it's okay to make fat jokes or comedies about fat people. I'm using the word fat deliberately because that's the triggering term. Why people think it's okay to make jokes about obesity stymies me, but I must admit, I'm guilty of being part of the problem. I used to be thin and attractive, though I always thought I was ugly because of my eating disorders.

Anyway, this is what happened to me. When I was in Overeaters Anonymous, years before RYGB. I was sharing in what I thought was a safe place and I mentioned that I was so fat, front and back, that it was almost impossible to wipe my butt.

I'll spare you the details, but a few women in the group came up to me after the meeting and shamed me about having that problem. Now, I couldn't believe this isn't a problem a lot of obese people share, so it felt REALLY mean to me. To this day it's the meanest thing I can ever remember hearing about the fact that I was obese. And of course, I did figure out what I needed to do to stay clean, but in other parts of the world it's so common to have a dirty crotch that toilets are equipped with tubular bidets that wash you clean.

That's a positive way to deal with a common problem without being ashamed to admit you have a problem.

So I wondered if others here have had mean things said to them about their weight. I feel pretty sure we all have. And we need to make insults like this as inappropriate as we do with sexism or racism. They are not about something bad we did. They are something about a problem we have that isolates us from others. It's about "who we are," or at least it feels like that.
 
I recently read an article that they are now looking at different types of obesity and why they happen. They've found 8 so far. Of course, they're looking for a way to fix it. (Profit off of it most likely) Because being fat is bad. We can all agree on that. We've even convinced slightly overweight people they're bad. We've managed to convince healthy kids that they'd better watch what they eat at all times.

The fact is differences are used by society to form US and THEM. And if you can convince someone that they are better than others, include them in the US, you can convince them of just about any abhorrent behavior because they're righteous.

Obesity is still viewed as something people can control. SHOULD control. People get angry about celebs like Lizzo being body positive .. Thats not HeALThY!! We shouldn't allow a celebration of "fat"!! As if people cannot choose a different way to be, whether we agree or not. As if we have a right to demand that someone else be " healthy".

We feel superior to those who have failed where we have succeeded. Even if we've succeeded by default. Based on genetics or being raised with enough money that your family could afford healthy food.

I've had lots of mean things said to me, since I don't remember a time that I wasn't overweight. Hell, I'm still technically overweight. It's crazy that those things said to us can still cut all these years later.
 
Today, I went to see my Pre-Op Nurse and she asked me, why I was having this surgery, and that I was not fat enough for that, but I went and told her of the metabolic diseases that I had been carrying the last 10 years and That my doctor said I need to lose 50-60 Pounds which I thought was going to be easy, but they were not, I tried Keto, Golo and Always for some reason, some on my fault, not only I got those 20-30 pounds back and added more. so I explained that to her and All she said was..."she is tiny and thin" and she said YES YOU CAN IF YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT!!! and she left it like that, then I started double-guessing myself if this was the right track, but I remember that my primary doctor, my surgeon, and the cardiologist who tested me for me to go into the Operating room, all said, my case was more for those cardiovascular and metabolic diseases than just the weight. So I thought to myself, well I guess they know more than Her. This needs to be more accessible as it is not a "fat" issue but a metabolic and cardiovascular epidemic produced by the huge amount of sugar and fast food craziness in our country. My doctor said that only 1% That can qualify for this surgery, get it done...he said obesity and his disease are affected by 38 million Americans and then only 250, 000 surgeries were performed last year he said. I think it is a cultural and economic phenomenon, as my insurance only paid 70% ad I need to pay 30%, so Each case is different like Missy said.
 
Hector said:
Today, I went to see my Pre-Op Nurse and she asked me, why I was having this surgery, and that I was not fat enough for that, but I went and told her of the metabolic diseases that I had been carrying the last 10 years and That my doctor said I need to lose 50-60 Pounds which I thought was going to be easy, but they were not, I tried Keto, Golo and Always for some reason, some on my fault, not only I got those 20-30 pounds back and added more. so I explained that to her and All she said was..."she is tiny and thin" and she said YES YOU CAN IF YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT!!! and she left it like that, then I started double-guessing myself if this was the right track, but I remember that my primary doctor, my surgeon, and the cardiologist who tested me for me to go into the Operating room, all said, my case was more for those cardiovascular and metabolic diseases than just the weight. So I thought to myself, well I guess they know more than Her. This needs to be more accessible as it is not a "fat" issue but a metabolic and cardiovascular epidemic produced by the huge amount of sugar and fast food craziness in our country. My doctor said that only 1% That can qualify for this surgery, get it done...he said obesity and his disease are affected by 38 million Americans and then only 250, 000 surgeries were performed last year he said. I think it is a cultural and economic phenomenon, as my insurance only paid 70% ad I need to pay 30%, so Each case is different like Missy said.
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I had a nurse like that too. She was the night nurse. She was a bit cautious but I could feel her judgement and I really couldn't care less. I like your story because it's similar to mine. I gained 30 lbs after having a later-in-life pregnancy and I thought I would lose the weight quickly. 17 years later, after many diets, menopause, and one failed attempt at diet pills, the 30 lbs turned into 60 lbs. It isn't anyone's business why I got the sleeve surgery, how fat I was when I got the surgery, or what I'm going to do after the surgery. I am very happy about my choice. For one thing, I have already lost 25 lbs. I'm starting to feel like my old self. I've been doing Peleton regularly and hiking with my adult daughter. I love the way I eat and I can feel the old nutrition knowledge coming back to me. I even started cooking again. I made a big pot of beans for my little meals and then turned the remaining beans into bean burritos for my family and neighbors. Everyone enjoyed the beans and it gave me a sense of community that I didn't have before the surgery because I was so depressed. I am starting to feel stronger physically and mentally day by day. This is what the surgery is for, to help us have a better quality of life. Just because people are skinny doesn't mean they are healthy. All we have to do is keep smiling and keep achieving our personal goals. Forget everybody else.
 
That is interesting about the nurse being rude and basically uninformed. My last two post op appts I explained that I can not stop eating sweets. It is an addiction. I was told it was mind over matter- seriously? I just told you I was addicted and oh well try harder. I can't go to their support group because it is during my work hours. Trying to do it online. I feel alone when it comes to my eating dysfunction. It really made me feel like I am failing.
 
dianeseattle said:
We really need to change the nature of the dialog between thin and fat.

It's all over our culture in books, movies, tv, clothes, radio shows, media releases, etc. that it's okay to make fat jokes or comedies about fat people. I'm using the word fat deliberately because that's the triggering term. Why people think it's okay to make jokes about obesity stymies me, but I must admit, I'm guilty of being part of the problem. I used to be thin and attractive, though I always thought I was ugly because of my eating disorders.

Anyway, this is what happened to me. When I was in Overeaters Anonymous, years before RYGB. I was sharing in what I thought was a safe place and I mentioned that I was so fat, front and back, that it was almost impossible to wipe my butt.

I'll spare you the details, but a few women in the group came up to me after the meeting and shamed me about having that problem. Now, I couldn't believe this isn't a problem a lot of obese people share, so it felt REALLY mean to me. To this day it's the meanest thing I can ever remember hearing about the fact that I was obese. And of course, I did figure out what I needed to do to stay clean, but in other parts of the world it's so common to have a dirty crotch that toilets are equipped with tubular bidets that wash you clean.

That's a positive way to deal with a common problem without being ashamed to admit you have a problem.

So I wondered if others here have had mean things said to them about their weight. I feel pretty sure we all have. And we need to make insults like this as inappropriate as we do with sexism or racism. They are not about something bad we did. They are something about a problem we have that isolates us from others. It's about "who we are," or at least it feels like that.
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You are not alone in this, i also had trouble so i bought a bidet off amazon that attaches to the toilet. OMG what a life changer! Even though i can reach back there now, i love the bidet!!! So much cleaner!! I dont like to go number 2 anywhere else except my own bathroom cuz there is no bidet in any public bathroom in the US!!!
 
Isbey said:
That is interesting about the nurse being rude and basically uninformed. My last two post op appts I explained that I can not stop eating sweets. It is an addiction. I was told it was mind over matter- seriously? I just told you I was addicted and oh well try harder. I can't go to their support group because it is during my work hours. Trying to do it online. I feel alone when it comes to my eating dysfunction. It really made me feel like I am failing.
Click to expand...
The problem with addiction is the only way to overcome it is to stop feeding your addiction. I say this with nothing but love. I quit smoking after 28 years and it was awful. Awful. So, I get what you're saying. 1000% But, after try I'm my several times and different methods, cold turkey was what worked for me.

The only person who can overcome your addiction is you. There's no magic pill. There's no real help. Its just you. Sounds scary. But you can absolutely do it. AND you're going to want to do it before surgery. Dumping syndrome from too many sweets is NOT FUN!

Try fruit instead of candy. Its sweet with more nutrients. Try sugar free gummy bears. They'll give you an idea of what dumping syndrome feels like lol Cut back or go cold turkey. Whatever you think will work for you.
 
I was the most critical of my weight gain. Growing up my stepdad talked about women who had too much weight and how it wasn’t good for them. smoking kept me from gaining weight in my 20’s. I was following in my parents footsteps but dad quit when I was a sophomore in school in a bet with maternal grandpa. As my kids went through grade school my daughter was always on my case to quit. In my thirties my mom had serious stroke from being an alcoholic and 3 pack a day smoker. I told myself I needed to quit Smoking. i read a book from American cancer society with many strategies on how to quit. I tried to quit cold turkey and realized that path was not for me. At that time I was going through my second divorce after being married for only a year I was unemployed and had two kids in grade school and becoming homeless. over five years I was putting myself back together after nearly succeeding suicide on the second attempt, adding to weaning myself off of cigarettes as my children were starting to try it. I started using sweets to replace my cigarettes. So as I smoked less I was eating hostess cakes, ice cream, candy bars, etc. when I reached 327 pounds after trying many diet system’s after quitting smoking and just not following through, basically boredom. Oh well. I was very against weight loss surgery, I knew a lot of people who had surgery lap-band, or sleeve who regained their weight. I argued with the dr About weight loss surgery based on these people. One day I was on a call with a lady who had gastric bypass. She said it worked for her. I started investigating the procedure from there. It was eye opening. And here I am. I am still a work in progress. But a happier work in progress.
 
For me it not just the fat comments but, the glairs and the giggles which come along with them being you back, I was 5’10, but with 3 disk removed from my back, I’m now 5’ 7” they tell me I look fine, but, the under lying heath issues, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, is my biggest issues, metabolic problems place fule on the fire, my bmi is 36.1 but I Cary it well, my other half told me I don’t look that heavy, others have said that, but I’m not sure if they are trying to be kind or what?
 
That is why I had this surgery for those comorbidity diseases, last check with my doctor after 3 weeks my regular doctor, my Diabetes and high blood pressure are in remission and now my wife told me I do not wake her up with my snoring and I am sleeping straight 5 hours, which for 10 years did not what it was to have a good night sleep, I am still struggling with some sleep position, but I do not snore and sleep through the night, and that is only 4 weeks post-ops...This procedure is worth it, The looks for me are not that important, but I take it too. :)
 
There was another really hurtful episode I've talked about in previous posts that falls under this category. I was crossing the street in front of this pickup truck full of rednecks in this provincial cowtown near me. As I walked, helpless to avoid them, they leaned out the window and "mooed" at me, suggesting that I was a cow. Even though I knew it said galaxies about their idiocy, it still hurts, and people like that know it will hurt you. I honestly have never been able to figure out why people behave like that, are cruel to others, can't keep their meanness to themselves, but most of the time, I just don't go there because it's unfathomable to me. When I can see it in that light, I feel blessed because they've been infected with a disease, and I'm immune from it.
 
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