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Why do people do this?

M

Modena

Member
I just had my surgery on Aug. 16, 2012 and I am feeling great, but I have a question. Since I decided to have the surgery and now have it done all I ear from the people around me is about all those that they know who had the surgery as well and messed up totally by starting to eat again and gaining the weight back. I am getting frustrated because they talk about who they know, but you know what that isn't me and I am happy and so proud of myself for making this life changing decisions. I really liked what my husband told me when I asked him why there are people who end up going back and gaining the weight back, he said maybe they were just were more happier being over weight so that is why they began to eat again. For those of you who are reading this what do you suggest I tell people who just tell me all the negatives about those who they know who the surgery did not work out. Thanks to you all I would love the advice.
 
I don't know if the people are your friends, but you don't owe them an explanation. I have a mouth and would tell them directly if you can't support me then this subject is off topic. There are so many inspirational success stories hear that will lift you up. Also I think you have made a life changing decison and you should be proud of yourself. If you keep coming back here, you will get a great deal of positive feedback. Best of luck in your journey.
 
Modena-I know exactly what you mean. Almost everyone that I told about having WLS has had at least one story to tell about an acquaintance or co-worker who has re-gained some weight after their WLS. It doesn't bother me at all probably because I think they mean well and just want to give their two cents worth. It's probably the only thing they can think of saying because they are not educated enough on the subject to say anything else. I never respond to their comments and just let them talk themselves out. Try not to let it get to you. Once they see your progress and dedication they will be more supportive :) :) :)
 
Hi Modena, your doing great:D Don't worry about what others say, I like how Kim put it, if they cant support you then they should shut up:eek: well maybe she didn't say that, LOL! Pat is right though don't let it get to you, my old boss said the saim exact thing to me about one of his neighbors who had WLS, I just brushed it off and chose not to discuss it with him anymore and let my weight loss and health speak for itself. Remember you did this for you and if you give it your all and stay on track then the weight will stay off, there may be bumps along the road because we aren't perfect but if we stay the course it will work out. So hang in there and feel good about what your doing because it is for you and not your coworkers or friends. :cool: Tom
 
I got that a lot before surgery from some people and others have been extremely supportive. I try to stay away from the negative ones and associate with the positive ones. I keep reminding myself that my lapband is only a tool, and I still have the work to do to lose the weight and keep it off. The other one that gets to me is well meaning folks who say "you don't want to lose too much, better watch out". My response is that I am under a Doctor's care and I am sure he won't let me lose too much. Hang in there, you are doing fantastic. Joy
 
I told my family and friends when they start talking all the negative, to either be with me or against me. I only want positive feedback and responses. So, if they don't have anyting good or positive, or encouraging to say to me, then don't say anything about WLS at all. Its been much better.
 
I hope it has improved for you - the unwelcome comments. It was one of the reasons I waited to tell my own mother. I will say she surprised me with two positive remarks, but of course she ended with "you know this doesn't work for everyone". My thought was "they may just not want it as badly as I do". Most of my immediate co-workers know that I am having surgery, but only a very few know what kind of surgery. I work mostly guys - I think they mark it up to "girl stuff".
 
I too have heard both encouraging words about my surgery, which I did have on 11/4/2013. I have also heard several people tell me that I can defeat the gastric bypass by going back to my old habits, stretching the stomach out and regain all of the weight. I have heard it all.

One of my closer friends keeps beating on me about this. But his angle is he is watching me and wants to make sure I stay the course. He will give me hell if he sees me going "off the wagon" so in that sense it is welcome. However, it can get on my nerves.

What I have done with him is send him my weight chart now and then; sort of reporting in to him and showing my progress. Progress can occur without some folks seeing it for awhile until you really have lost a considerable amount of weight. Many of my friends have complimented me on the fact that I am looking a whole lot better. Afterall, I am now down 30 pounds in the last 2 months and continuing.

Soon, this will continue as my battle to be waged with or without other support. I know that. It is the nature of things.

My wife is encouraging me. In fact, as a result she finds herself eating less, which is a good thing for her.

Ralph
 
Dancinbr tell your wife YAY she is awesome. Glad you have her and she has your back. My husband is trying to get his personal trainers license and says he wants to be my trainer I told him I just want his encouragement and help. His cousin has been a personal trainer for years and she is helping to get his license but, she has had several bariatric clients that have had WLS and I told him I will be training with her once I am cleared for more than walking. I appreciate you for all of your valuable info on your journey and continued success to you.
 
Modena said:
I just had my surgery on Aug. 16, 2012 and I am feeling great, but I have a question. Since I decided to have the surgery and now have it done all I ear from the people around me is about all those that they know who had the surgery as well and messed up totally by starting to eat again and gaining the weight back. I am getting frustrated because they talk about who they know, but you know what that isn't me and I am happy and so proud of myself for making this life changing decisions. I really liked what my husband told me when I asked him why there are people who end up going back and gaining the weight back, he said maybe they were just were more happier being over weight so that is why they began to eat again. For those of you who are reading this what do you suggest I tell people who just tell me all the negatives about those who they know who the surgery did not work out. Thanks to you all I would love the advice.
Click to expand...

Keep on track. That is the main reason I have not told many people I am doing the surgery, Don't want to hear their mouths LOL. Just keep up the good work, get positive feedback from here and the people who really support you! :)
 
That's exactly why I haven't told a lot of people-- I don't feel like getting all the unsolicited advice. The first time someone tells me a failure story, I'll make sure to tell them that this is not an easy fix. It's a daily struggle and I just hope and pray that the horror story doesn't happen to me.
I think there's a lot of misinformation out there about WLS. Overweight people that don't want the surgery are jealous cause they think we took the easy way out. Regular weight people don't understand why it's necessary--just go on a diet, problem solved.
 
Remember.

You are doing this for YOU !!!

Noone else.

The fact is your success is for YOU!!!

We all have gone through hoops, diets, fads, medical aids, etc., etc., in an attempt to get back to our "goal weight" whatever the heck that is.

This is for YOU!!!

Once you realize this, nothing will get in your way.

Ralph
 
I am blessed everyone I have told about my surgery is thrilled for me...

My adoptive family on the otherhand is not to sure what to think, LOL. Personally I could give 2 shakes of a rats tail what they think at this point in my life. I grew up hearing them tell me how much they could sympathize with me and my fat, LOL. That from women who have not even had a bit of fat anywhere.

Keep in mind the women I grew up with are 5'9 to 6' tall and have not eve weighed over 140 pounds soaking wet. They are all stick thin and no curves. Very Twiggy / Kat Moss body types. Or the Olsen twins thin.

Me on the other hand, LOL have not weighed under 200 since puberty and I am 5'4. And have had curves from conception, LOL.

I have learned to love who I am and what I am about, Not how I look or how fat I am.

I am happy with me as a person and that rocks.

I met my birthmother this year and I saw where I got it all from, :) <3
There is far more to nature than there is to nurture.....
 
I have been hearing things on both sides of the fence. I have had very encouraging statements made by some of my family members. I posted awhile back that I told one of my oldest friends who is more like a sister than anything else and she had such a negative statements that it hurt my feelings I still don't understand her comments and reactions. Like I explained it to her I appreciate her comments and I also respect her opinions but, in the end it is and will always be my decision. She has battled with her weight after both of her children who are now 30 and 26 and she also deals with type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure. Her sugar was so high once that it wouldn't even register on the glucometer. I believe whole heartedly that there are so many people who are misinformed or not educated enough on WLS that all they focus on is any negative info that they hear. I'm sorry that you are dealing with all of that but, I am going to do like GCooper, javajoy, and dancinbr have suggested. Just keep moving forward and remember you are doing this for you. Good luck and thanks for sharing.
 
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