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Being candid

3momchaos

Member
I am going to be 2 years post op in a couple months. 2 months from today now that I look at the date. I haven’t posted much recently because I haven’t had much to add or contribute. I do find myself in a bit of situation though. I’ve always told people that the success of weight loss surgery depends on mentality. I still completely agree with that. Being determined to be honest with myself and everyone here is something that I find important. I lied to myself all the time before I thought of surgery. Lied to myself that my size didn’t bother me, what I ate didn’t mean anything, and how I was confident enough to go through life without peoples opinions of me not mattering. My size did bother me. What I eat matters. Most peoples opinions don’t matter-but my family knowing that I am doing everything I can for my health does.
I’ve gained about 15lbs since the winter. A lot of that has to do with putting on muscle from being completely inactive for about a year. Truthfully, I know that my muscle mass suffered greatly after surgery, and not just because of the surgery but because of my fibromyalgia pain which caused me to be even more inactive than usual. My medication for the fibromyalgia might have something to do with the weight gain but probably not much.
In an effort to be totally honest I just haven’t been as mentally committed as I need to be recently. Maybe it’s the summer, or the kids being home from school, or just that I got tired of it all and missed some of my old unhealthy ways. In any case, I put on some jeans that I wore over the winter and while they fit, they are snug. All of my current summer clothes fit just the way they always have. I don’t weight myself as religiously as I used to. I depend on how my clothes fit to keep me knowing where I’m at. I never measured myself before or after surgery, and since I was doing almost all appointments virtually, I was never measured in my doctors office. I know my thighs are a little bigger, but that could be from muscle. My waist is a little bigger too, but not enough for me to worry. However, trying on the jeans did give me cause to pause. I paused and thought about how I’ve been treating my body lately. Definitely not as well as I should. So I’m committing to getting back on the forum more often, making sure I’m being honest with myself, with all of you, and with my support system. I refuse to spiral into habits which brought my health into such disarray.
 
Your self awareness and insight is remarkable! That’s the most important skill in this WLS journey. Knowing when to stop and reassess is so important. Being honest with yourself is a hard, but coming on this forum and sharing your truth is way harder! Kudos to you for being so brave and honest. You are on the right path.
 
I find its a fine line to walk between learning not to obsess about my weight and slipping I to bad eating habits. I seem to have blown off my 'max' in that I now wait til I'm over it before I really start watching. And even then I only work to get back under the 'max' instead of heading for that ideal (158). I haven't gone 10 over it yet (current 162) but I don't want to 'okay' myself by 3lbs at a a time up and up and up.

My original goal was 170. Once I got there, I decided to lose an extra 10 so that when I inevitably gained my "small percentage" back I could end up right around my goal. Statistically, the majority of us will gain some back. I have no reason to believe I am not average lol But MAN, I am super happy with myself and 158 feels perfect. So, I'm fighting to avoid being average! By doing just what you're talking about.

It is much harder to make those healthy choices all the time when you're only maintaining. Losing weight is magical; you can see and feel the changes to your body and you're always improving. Maintenance feels stagnant.
 
Missy-YES! Maintenance DOES feel stagnant. We set a goal, we achieve our goal (or don’t), and then that’s that even though we know that there is a life long goal of maintaining. But that doesn’t show any change. In my brain, I need a goal that shows progress, and maintaining shows sustainability, but not the results my brain needs. Im thinking of starting a new goal, but make it fitness or mental well being based. Like a plank challenge for myself or daily journaling. I need something I can track, so my brain can settled down! Lol
 
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