Body image

[MANDY2910]

I have always struggled with body image, even on the rare occasion when I have been at the weight I feel most comfortable at. I am the heaviest I have ever been right now (274, 5’6”). I bought a dress for a vacation my husband and I are leaving for on Friday after my doctor’s appointment. I put it on and couldn’t even look in the mirror. I do that a lot these days. I assume I look bad and I don’t need visual confirmation. I showed it to my husband because he asked me to and just burst into tears. I have always been self conscious about my weight, but it has gotten really bad the past few months. I am at the point where I don’t want to leave the house. I make excuses to not go to church, I pick up my groceries and have them brought to my car, I don’t go out to eat anymore. Not even sure I want to go on vacation, but I don’t want to disappoint my husband. I just needed to put this out there and get it off my chest. I don’t know if any of you feel or have felt this way in the past, but it’s crippling me right now.

 

[missyinacage]

Aww, Mandy. I am sorry that you are having such a struggle right now with self-image. It is very difficult to be comfortable in a large body when society has deemed obesity unacceptable. Vince Neil (from Motley Crue) said you can do anything when you're a rock star and the world will forgive you .. except get fat. And when you're NOT a rock star, people can be horrible. Society hates us and so we can learn to hate ourselves.

Try to remember you are more than just your dress size. There are women out there, looking fit as a fiddle, who are horrible human beings. List your positive qualities. Are you smart? Funny? Kind? Giving? Loyal? Honest? Be proud of the person you ARE. It's hard as hell to lose weight and being fat isn't a crime. There are a million things you could be that are way worse than heavy.

 

[KarenWV]

Amen to that Missy. Mandy, I hope you can do what she suggests so you can take some positivity on this vacation and enjoy the time together with your husband. You are special, wonderful, and amazing, period. Your size isn't you, and you are NOT your weight. You are you, not the number on the scale. And the good news is that after WLS, you are still going to be you, living a healthier life. If you find the Daily Inspirations threads, you might find things that will help you through these trying times. Good luck. ❤❤

 

[suzannethemom]

THIS is such a big issue for me and has been ever since my weight crossed over into the 200 range. I try to avoid mirrors and especially avoid looking at my reflection in store windows. I don’t bother wearing makeup or styling my hair anymore because I don’t want to draw attention to myself. I make excuses to avoid social events and seeing relatives. The last time I attended an event was our neighbor’s 4th of July BBQ. It was torture for me. I was the heaviest woman there. Everyone was swimming in the pool, but not me, no way! I will never feel comfortable at this weight. I admire women who are overweight and dress so pretty and seem so happy. That just isn’t me and I cannot fake it. I am f-ing miserable at this weight and won’t feel confident until I shed the weight. Sorry I don’t have words of wisdom or encouragement. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

 

[KarenWV]

One more thing that came to mind after reading the previous several posts. Would you let someone talk to a friend of yours about their looks, their clothes, their weight, etc.? If not, then please don't treat yourself with that same kind of negativity and plain old rudeness. Try to keep that in mind when your self-image issues rear their ugly heads. Chin(s) up!

And trust me, I'm including myself, even though I've lost a good bit of weight. I still avoid mirrors, and I want to look over my shoulder when someone compliments me on my weight loss so far. ❤❤❤❤

 

[MANDY2910]

Thank you all very much. I know I am not alone in this endless mind game I play with myself. But thank you. KarenWV you are absolutely right… if someone talked to one of my daughters the way I talk to myself they would be on the ground in a heap! It is hard to not be self critical as I am just incredibly disappointed in myself for letting it get as far as it has. However, I know it doesn’t change who I am as a person. I need to stop letting my outside dictate my inside. I am funny, I work in healthcare and care for others everyday, I am stubborn and a little ornery, and my husband can’t get enough of my eyes. I am beautifully and wonderfully made in the image of God.

 

[Kcuster83]

I am sure we can all agree we have been there at some point and still may be. Just try to think about how you are taking steps to better your mental state and get healthy. Think about how happy you will be once you accomplish your goal or even start making progress to your goals. You have your husband who cares what the world thinks. TRUST ME, I know it is hard to adapt to that but once you do it helps. You learn to make changes because YOU want to, not because society tells you to. Good luck dear, try to cheer up.

 

[KarenWV]

Thank you all very much. I know I am not alone in this endless mind game I play with myself. But thank you. KarenWV you are absolutely right… if someone talked to one of my daughters the way I talk to myself they would be on the ground in a heap! It is hard to not be self critical as I am just incredibly disappointed in myself for letting it get as far as it has. However, I know it doesn’t change who I am as a person. I need to stop letting my outside dictate my inside. I am funny, I work in healthcare and care for others everyday, I am stubborn and a little ornery, and my husband can’t get enough of my eyes. I am beautifully and wonderfully made in the image of God.

Oh Mandy, what you wrote here brought tears to my eyes. And now my nose is running, thanks to you.

Please copy that section starting with "I need to stop letting my outside dictate my inside" all the way to the end. Tape it to your mirror, your fridge, the inside of your front door. Make that your life message, and please let us feel free to borrow from you so we can do the same. You ARE beautiful inside and out. We all are. Thank you for that inspiration. I needed it.

 

[missyinacage]

YES! That "stop letting my outside dictate my inside" is deep stuff. You should print it on a pretty picture and frame it as your motivational poster.

We are always so willing to say negative things to ourselves, while most of us go out of our way to be polite to even the rudest people. Save some of that kindness for yourself.

 

[Anne23]

Oh man, can I identify! Pre surgery I had so much social anxiety. I felt like every time I walked outside everyone was looking at me and judging. I hated walking my dog - I live in a city and just felt like a million eyes were on me. I tried to stay home as much as possible and didn’t invest in myself at all. Didn’t style my hair or wear make up or invest in anything nice for myself. Having this surgery has CHANGED MY LIFE in that I am actually participating and living it now. I am a better wife, friend, sister, daughter...I take pride in my appearance again, and look forward to walking my dog for the exercise and fresh air. You will get there! And it will be amazing, my friend!

 

[RecoveringSecretEater]

Like others have expressed, I’ve wrestled with feelings of inadequacies and such because of my weight, even during times when I was around my ideal weight. I would work and shut myself in afterwards. Friends would ask why I didn’t go out and to good friends I would say I was embarrassed by my weight and clothes looked ugly on me. They would of course say that’s not true and I would always say, would you ever agree with someone if you thought they were?” But oddly enough, I would get moments where I’d forget to be self conscious and do something unexpected like take up bellydance and rebounder boot camps. Then slim people would talk to me basically saying I was “brave” and my fun times would end. When I lost my sight, even though I really could not see myself, I began to “feel” the weight. That put me in the headspace of not wanting to go out. It did seem as if people were “decent” to me because I guess when it’s blindness vs. obesity, people are sympathetic to my sight loss and try to make me feel better about myself. But I kept thinking, I’m fat AND blind, I’m worthless. When I started this journey I decided to tap into that part of me that was adventurous. I got my yoga teacher certification and I got a personal trainer. My sister said to me I admire that you can go out and do things like that. But then she added, I’d be to embarrassed if I were big doing things like that. It’s hard, trying to silence the inner critic when you get the same external messaging. I am working on building myself up. I started “self-care Sunday” to honor me. I continue to work with my therapist, and I meditate twice a day and my audio journal prompt focus on the idea “ is it true?” for that day’s negative thought pattern. I know it will take time. I’m glad you’re tapping into ways to silence your inner critic. I wish you and all of us who struggle with this, much success. Well, I wish anyone who strives to put out good energy for themselves and others success!