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Hope I don't regret this

LisaLisa

LisaLisa

Member
I decided to be quite open about my surgery with my friends and coworkers. Last year I used a scooter to get around our huge govt building and everyone who cared asked me about it and I explained my knee situation. A lot of them went through my frustration of not being able to get knee surgery to alleviate the pain (I was too young and presumably too fat for a replacement) and still ask about it when they see me limping.

Now that we've all be separated for COVID and I was hoping to have lost a bit before we worked together again. I figured the rapid weight loss wouldn't be so apparent if I did it over the six months, but that didn't happen as I'm scheduled for surgery on 14 October 2020. So now, when I'm going through these first stages of weight loss, I plan to tell my coworkers that I couldn't get knee surgery so I had to find another way to stop the knee pain. That will be sane and logical reason for WLS and I'm hoping it will be good enough for them. Actually, I don't think they have the bandwidth to care about my eating. They are primarily young and vapid, and I'm just an old lady. ;)

I know a lot of you do not want to share information on your WLS, but do you think that will stop them from hypothesizing on your weight loss? I was afraid they'd come up with something much more awful, like a terminal illness! "did you hear? Lisa has _" :D
 
I hope that it works out well for you to be open. I think that people are going to talk regardless, and it is a personal decision to share or not. Being the keeper of the information may work well, since then no one can just "presume" and spread info that you have not already shared.
 
I know I said this before, but I couldn’t care less who I tell or what they think because that’s the type of person I am. I was sharing the news with my daughters horseback riding instructor who is 19. She thought it was really cool and told me about her moms friend who had it done. I’ve told complete strangers and they’ve talked about someone they knew who had WLS. I’ve yet to tell one person who belittled the surgery or me for knowing that this was a last resort for me. That being said, I can totally understand why people would want to keep this private. Our body’s are no one else’s business, and our choices about our body’s are private decisions.
 
Well I'm pretty sure I can handle the "easy way out" bs. Pity the fool who goes there. Most of the people I've shared with are fascinated by the science of it, and several of them are looking to my experience to guide their decisions about their own bodies.
Most of the negative stuff I've heard is from my older sister who likes to bring me down. She may just be jelly.
 
Since I work from home and after years at my company I have to meet any of coworkers and have decided to not tell them about having WLS. The only time they see me "in the flesh" is when we have a WebEx or Zoom call and even then we rarely use the video portion since most of the time we are sharing our screens. With my daughters high school i am fairly active in a lot of the school activities but since COVID hit I have not been on the campus since March. It will be interesting though to see what the reaction is of people when activities get back to normal at the school. A good deal of them have seen me go from 400 pounds before down to about 230 and back then they all thought I had WLS which i clearly didnt have because no sooner then i dropped the weight i gained it all back and then some. I just couldnt break myself away from the damn burgers and pizza that they would serve at the kids sporting events. One of the parents that my son had gone to high school was an executive chef for the cheescake factory and would cook for the boosters club at the kids events and somehow I would always find my way to his fabulous cooking......god i can smell his cooking now just thinking about it:)
 
It's great that some of you are comfortable enough to be a face for our cause. We do need more people who are proud to tell their stories if the stigma is ever going to change. Now that I was "outed" I wish I'd had your strength back then. Not just to be an example of our struggle but I would have also had control over how to handle the situation, being the one to present it with positivity, backed up with all my research and determination. Instead, being put on the spot, I'm dealing with anxiety and feeling resentful. It's toxic and I wish I'd been on the offensive instead of ending up on the defensive. Kudos to you ladies!
 
Brenda2010 said:
It's great that some of you are comfortable enough to be a face for our cause. We do need more people who are proud to tell their stories if the stigma is ever going to change. Now that I was "outed" I wish I'd had your strength back then. Not just to be an example of our struggle but I would have also had control over how to handle the situation, being the one to present it with positivity, backed up with all my research and determination. Instead, being put on the spot, I'm dealing with anxiety and feeling resentful. It's toxic and I wish I'd been on the offensive instead of ending up on the defensive. Kudos to you ladies!
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It still makes me angry that it happened to you like that. I think what makes this journey so profound for each of us is that we have different reasons for pursuing WLS. For a lot of us it’s health related, but there are other NSV in mind. But no part of this journey should have to include explaining ourselves to people. We get judge because of our weight, and we get judged because of how we handle it. Each of us should feel proud of our decisions and commitment and should never have to feel anxious about how we wanted to handle things.
 
It's definitely a personal decision. I want more people to know that it is an option. There are so many obese people who work in my industry (911) I am very open about it. I hope to remove any stygma it might have from people, because it is a powerful and viable option, as you all know.

Although I've been working from home since March, all of the people I work closest with knows. Our management group could see something was happening in our twice weekly Zoom meetings anyway, so I just let them know. There hasn't been a single person in our group that has said anything that wasn't supportive, which doesn't mean some of them think it was a bad decision. I don't know and don't care. I suspect they will keep it to themselves if they do. As others from work hear through the grapevine, I'm happy to talk with them about it.

On the flip side, I'm not particularly close with my family (besides my wife and daughter) so none of them know about it, although if any of them were tech savvy or on social media other than Facebook, they could find me on YouTube and Instagram, but so far they haven't found out, and I don't plan on telling them. The next time I see them in person, whenever that is, I will probably tell them since it will be pretty obvious that I lost weight. I expect my parents will be happy, my brother who is a nurse will be supportive, and my other brother will be supportive, but I suspect I have a sister-in-law who will think it was a bad decision, but she basically thinks everyone else's decisions are bad. LOL.

The people who speak poorly about the surgery seem to fall into one of three groups: Group 1 are people who don't know jack shit about how the surgery works, so I'll make one attempt to educate them if they are willing to listen. Group 2 are people who had the surgery and regained most or all of their weight back, and I can understand why they are bitter, I would let them say what they wanted to say about it and I would probably keep their experience in the back of my mind to use as motivation to be as successful as I can for the long term. I never want to regret this surgery. Group 3 are people who knows someone who failed. We have a good friend whose mother had the surgery. She gained all of her weight back. Unfortunately, as soon as she could eat solid food, she was going through McDonalds for breakfast every day, and probably making other bad decisions. She never changed her relationship with food.

Sometimes none of the people in those groups will ever be supportive, but you know who will be....others in our bariatric surgery community and others who truly love and respect you and your decisions. This surgery is for you, and you alone. It can certainly benefit others in certain ways, but as far as people outside of your close knit family or group they can take their opinion and shove it. IMHO.

You may start off with it being personal and then decide to let people know. I do think it's helpful to have a "game plan" when your weight loss is questioned because it will happen at some point, and some will just say "that's awesome" and not ask how you did it, and others will ask "how you did it." So, you'll need to decide if you lie or tell the truth.

All that being said, never feel pressure to tell anyone and do whatever feels right to you. There is no wrong decision in this matter.

I'm sorry...I know I get "long winded" in a lot of my responses.
 
LisaLisa said:
I decided to be quite open about my surgery with my friends and coworkers. Last year I used a scooter to get around our huge govt building and everyone who cared asked me about it and I explained my knee situation. A lot of them went through my frustration of not being able to get knee surgery to alleviate the pain (I was too young and presumably too fat for a replacement) and still ask about it when they see me limping.

Now that we've all be separated for COVID and I was hoping to have lost a bit before we worked together again. I figured the rapid weight loss wouldn't be so apparent if I did it over the six months, but that didn't happen as I'm scheduled for surgery on 14 October 2020. So now, when I'm going through these first stages of weight loss, I plan to tell my coworkers that I couldn't get knee surgery so I had to find another way to stop the knee pain. That will be sane and logical reason for WLS and I'm hoping it will be good enough for them. Actually, I don't think they have the bandwidth to care about my eating. They are primarily young and vapid, and I'm just an old lady. ;)

I know a lot of you do not want to share information on your WLS, but do you think that will stop them from hypothesizing on your weight loss? I was afraid they'd come up with something much more awful, like a terminal illness! "did you hear? Lisa has _" :D
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faced a similar dilemma and realized at the end of the days it really isn’t anyone’s concern how you decided to address the weight issue.
 
I don't think anyone should have to explain their choice. People are going to talk. PERIOD. People are just that way. The people in my life that matter to me know. People I see at work - not their business. It's a very personal choice and everyone should accept it and move on. If they want to speculate - they're going to. If they want to tell you why you shouldn't do this or that - they're going to. Bottom line is that it's no ones business but yours.
 
I have told literally everyone who mentions it. Like, literally. I figured I'd rather have it out there my way than having people speculating wildly. I mostly don't care what people think and as I have coworkers who have gone through the same program, there is a chance of running into one of them at my doctors, so I figured - let's just get it out there. I also told my whole family. The family was pretty great. I did get a few "it's so dangerous!" and "I know ___ and they were miserable and gained all the weight back!" My work people are mostly curious. "What do you eat now?" "Have you been sick?" "What about loose skin?" Which honestly, is sometimes uncomfortable, but I choose to answer. And I'll tell you why. It's because of all the "It's SO dangerous!" and "So and So was so sick" stories that everyone I know had heard. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, right? I want people to know it's not so scary. It's not SO dangerous. You don't have to be SO sick. I waited so long to have this surgery because of all those stories. Surgery is a tool. I'm not shy about using a hammer, so I have decided to treat this the same way. So, IF you are comfortable telling people, by all means do so. I don't know what they say behind my back (nor do I care) but everyone's been pretty positive to my face. Except the one guy about the loose skin. To whom, I replied "Sure I have loose skin, it kinds looks like your belly does hanging over your belt!" Cuz, F* that guy! :rolleyes:
 
WazzuCoug said:
All that being said, never feel pressure to tell anyone and do whatever feels right to you. There is no wrong decision in this matter.
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I have to agree, there is no right or wrong here, just personal choice. There is a thread on here somewhere, (I couldn't find it when I looked), but it was about all of the things people have said when when they heard people had WLS, and how some of us responded. It was great thread! If anyone knows where it is, please post a link!

Personally, I am in the category with Missy and others who choose to talk about it. One of the worst things people said to me was, "Oh, you had WLS? You couldn't do it on your own, huh?" Most of them didn't realize what they were saying, or how rude/insensitive it was. But others were lashing out, because they had their own strugglea with weight, and had not found their path yet. But most people have been interested in my story, especially when I show them my before and after photos.

Whichever choice you make, in my humble opinion, the important part is not whether or not you choose to tell/talk about it, but that you are confident about your decision and your journey, and that you surround yourself with as many positive influences as you can! There are rude, insensitive, jealous, ignorant, and just plain-old-mean people in this world; and you just can't avoid them all. But if you are confident in your decision, you are working your recovery plan, and achieving your life and health goals, then no one else's opinion matters!
 
I have come around to having different frameworks on how I tell different people. If that person is overweight, I tell them all the behavior/diet/activity modifications I’ve made and support group/psychological counseling I’ve gone to/am going to and then I tell them about the VSG. Most immediately have questions and wrap their minds around the bulk of changes that have to be made.

If they are not overweight, I keep my trap closed on the details or joke it away.

I helped my 14YO open a checking account the other day. I had to show ID. The credit union employee was dubious it was me.
I just said, “I’ve lost 110lbs over the last 18 months.” End of story. I brought my passport from 9 years ago — the last time I lost 95 lbs — with me just in case.
 
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