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Long story sorry.

R

Roni

Member
I am sorry I haven’t checked in, in a very long time. This past 9 months I have been dealing with a lot. From just not feeling myself to not wanting to deal with the world. Since last May I gained ten pounds i tried to restart my logging but I failed with that. It has become harder to correct my bad habits. In December I battled the issue of what is a bariatric meal, still don’t have that answer.. Dreaded the holidays, tired of supporting my husband and getting nothing in return. Not even a penny of his income contributed to household. He is a morning person I am night owl. When it comes to food no input. If I make him something he may eat a half portion and the rest goes to the garbage. He won’t eat leftovers. I have a freezer full of food he won’t eat. At my annual bariatric appointment, the dr didn’t like my protein/meal replacement bars to meet my 100 gr per day also not enough milk. So that added to my defeat. In the meantime we were going to his heart doctor appointments flooded out one time, dr office cancelled appointment using a personal phone so we didn’t answer, who knew. 2.5 hours each way and fuel wasted. Last month we met with the dr, it was about a defibrillator device for his heart. Because they put dialysis port in for heart problem one device was ruled out. After his surgery he got a hernia in his sternum and they could not guarantee the second device would work after threading it through/around the hernia. He chose not to have the device. The dr said he could have a heart attack without the device. But without guarantee the device would work, the expense of a surgery did not make sense. On Thursday April 6 he was getting the mail and fell in the process, said he did a Roni. I fell 4 times from feb 10 to march 26. That’s for another time. Friday April 7 he woke up stiff and went to dr. after hip X-ray and ct scan of neck and shoulder. No blood clots - no broken bones. We were in living room talking about a game we play. My phone rang it was my friend calling. He chimed in on the conversation as he usually does. All of a sudden his recliner went back his legs and arms curled up he started snorting and gasping. i saw a grand mal seizure. I got off the phone took two attempts to call 911. Gave information for service. While calling to my husband to get a response. Started chest compression to keep his heart beating. I had a sinus infection and could not do the breathing. Police officer arrived first then he let in ambulance crew. When they got him on the gurney they had a machine doing the chest compression, but looking at his eyes and face he was not there. His heart had stopped. In the ambulance they were able to restart his heart. My friend from the phone and her husband plus the third friend from our trio arrived to take me to the hospita in my car so I might have a way home. I was terrified scared uncertain of what to do. My friends stayed with me in the family waiting room. The hospital had stabilized him with meds and a ventilator. a second dr reported his heart was functioning at 20%. They wanted me to make a decision on his heart, but then they said the dye to fix his heart would destroy his kidneys. knowing his fear/dislike of dialysis I made the decision to remove the tubes and vent and let him pass away On his terms with dignity. I had been crying for 6 hours by this time.

now it is time to take back my life and live again. I know I did the right thing and made the right choices during the crisis. I am strong. I am a survivor. I can do this. I have been blessed in real life with friends and family these last 3 days. I am honored by all the support and love being sent my way during this time. the game we play had a gathering of players in game today to mark his passing in real life they made me cry again. Tomorrow I start doing the stuff for his funeral/burial. I will be okay, I finally know I am really loved as I am by many people. I am amazed and blessed. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
 
Oh, Roni. What an ordeal you've been through, with more still to come. You have my deepest sympathies on your trials and losses.

You are a beloved member of this group and I'm sure everyone here will share that belief with you.

If there's anything you can think of that I, or anyone else here, can do to help you, please share it. You are a friend, part of our group family, and you are loved.

Please feel free to share as much as you wish. If you think of a specific need, please share it. You've been sharing bits of the events that have led up to this, and I hope you believe this support group is for YOU. I hope our support can help alleviate your pain.

Just ask. We're here.
 
dianeseattle said:
Oh, Roni. What an ordeal you've been through, with more still to come. You have my deepest sympathies on your trials and losses.

You are a beloved member of this group and I'm sure everyone here will share that belief with you.

If there's anything you can think of that I, or anyone else here, can do to help you, please share it. You are a friend, part of our group family, and you are loved.

Please feel free to share as much as you wish. If you think of a specific need, please share it. You've been sharing bits of the events that have led up to this, and I hope you believe this support group is for YOU. I hope our support can help alleviate your pain.

Just ask. We're here.
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Thank you. I do know that this group is a very good place I have missed a lot in my dark place but the sun is rising. It will be a day by day process until this phase reaches closure.
 
dianeseattle said:
Oh, Roni. What an ordeal you've been through, with more still to come. You have my deepest sympathies on your trials and losses.

You are a beloved member of this group and I'm sure everyone here will share that belief with you.

If there's anything you can think of that I, or anyone else here, can do to help you, please share it. You are a friend, part of our group family, and you are loved.

Please feel free to share as much as you wish. If you think of a specific need, please share it. You've been sharing bits of the events that have led up to this, and I hope you believe this support group is for YOU. I hope our support can help alleviate your pain.

Just ask. We're here
Click to expand...
Bless your loving heart! Many thoughts and prayers are with you.
 
Oh, Roni. I am so sorry to hear of your loss and the many struggles you've been through up to this point. It can be so stressful to deal with a loved ones prolonged illness and often your own health, both mental and physical, suffers.

I am very glad to hear you have such good friends to help you through this difficult time. I love your positive attitude. I'm sure you made the right choice for your husband. And try to remind yourself that guilt is not necessary if (when) you sometimes feel relief. Its perfectly natural to be relieved that your loved one is no longer suffering. And that you no longer have to take on so much.

I was glad to hear from you and wish you peace!
 
missyinacage said:
Oh, Roni. I am so sorry to hear of your loss and the many struggles you've been through up to this point. It can be so stressful to deal with a loved ones prolonged illness and often your own health, both mental and physical, suffers.

I am very glad to hear you have such good friends to help you through this difficult time. I love your positive attitude. I'm sure you made the right choice for your husband. And try to remind yourself that guilt is not necessary if (when) you sometimes feel relief. Its perfectly natural to be relieved that your loved one is no longer suffering. And that you no longer have to take on so much.

I was glad to hear from you and wish you peace!
Click to expand...
Thank you. I am getting through this yesterday was many calls and meeting with funeral home and banks. My son took the day off to help, he gets 3 grievance days. Plus he is transferring to a new job on the 17. Today will be some small errands and more time at home. Took the puppies to say goodbye, knows animals recognize death. They are being very loving and protective. I am blessed.
 
Today was just as busy as yesterday. Making calls, going to social security, going to monument places to get prices(ugh) for a headstone for him and his son who passed in 1999(he never made the effort or budget to do this), going to bank for loan for headstone until life insurance and vehicle sales can be collected. (Waiting on motorecycle titles after paying off the loan he took on the motorcycles that I didn’t know about.) getting the word of arrangements for gravesite gathering to his social network, previous coworkers at the laundry mat/slot machine place, then the workers who inspired him to change job to McDonald’s. He came home everyday and talked about how well the crew worked together or staff shortages when weather got silly. One of the calls made today was to get help to replace the battery in his truck which was not starting/driving because he was always taking my car and leaving me without a vehicle. Btw the battery only had a loose connection after tightened, the the truck turned over and stayed running on first key turn. May have a buyer for the truck, that will help bunches. May have made a deal for the John dear riding mower too( I can’t get the hang of driving it. Besides I have battery powered go mower, no body contortions to start it) Have a buyer for his Harley, that he used as collateral on a loan, plus the second Harley that he sold to our chosen son that he never turned over to him even though our chosen son made all the payments to him years ago since he kept using that motorcycle too as loan collateral. Learned on Sunday he was selling his guns for chosen son‘s property taxes the last several years, even though chosen son gave him the money to pay the taxes. Picked up stuff to start washing his clothes for separating for sale and donations. Maybe start that tomorrow.

food intake has been reasonable so far breakfast protein special K cereal breakfast , peanut butter and jelly on rye( I know rye I just like it) then leftover half biscuit and gravy that son bought for breakfast yesterday. Two protein bars and one meal replacement. Portions have been within tolerance.
 
Roni, in my state the surviving spouse is not responsible for the decedents bills. These are considered one-party contracts. Maybe it's different in your state, but it might be worth your while to retain a probate attorney. They know everything and their goal is to represent your interests.

I know this is the last thing on your mind but money is so essential after the death of a mate, I thought it was worth mentioning.
 
All the bills were already in my name. His credit was dependent on mine. The loan he got had 25% interest rate and we, my son and I paid it off because of the collateral. The loan I put in for yesterday was approved for the headstone so his son’s grave will finally be marked. Poor kid has been gone since 1999. I have been advised to run a credit check to make sure there is nothing else out there, That could come and haunt me. Based on his social security I don’t think anyone would give him another loan. But I do appreciate the heads up.
 
Saturday went very well there was rain about an hour before the time I selected to meet. The funeral home put his ashes in an urn for the meet but was changed after we left to meet at restauranT. He also thought the words I spoke were very good, simple short. Had around 20 people at the cemetery and 14 went to eat at village inn. pie for those who didn’t need/want to eat a meal and food for those who needed/wanted to eat. My son surprised me and picked up the tab. I ordered a German chocolate pie to share with everyone who wanted to try the new pie on the menu, German chocolate brownies and cake were husbands favorite. Pie was frozen brought it home and some people followed me there after the restaurant. So the pie got served from home. I split 1 piece with my two chosen grand children. Later another chosen granddaughter stopped by and she had a piece of pie I did too. Sending off death certificate from senior center this afternoon when I run errands. Be fun stay safe will check back soon.
 
This past week got most of his clothes off the floor of his room, washed dried, sorted for donation and sorted for sale. Well except for his socks. The Harley shirts will be sold online.
Got the main bathroom cleaned after he took it over when the small bathroom he used developed a leak in the stool causing running water. Shut the water off at the toilet In the 1/2 bathroom. so I started cleaning the main bathroom, it looks so much better now, I should do a happy dance. I had a toilet seat riser waiting to be installed for several years but knew if I did, that it would have been trashed like the rest of the house. I installed this last week and I can use the bathroom now. I feel so grown up now I am not restricted to my bedroom commode anymore. ( the commode does help with less flushes of water….)
Went to the union afscme retiree meeting thursday for lunch had a half BLT sandwhich no Mayo and 1/2 piece strawberry pie. The speaker was from better business bureau. I think I may have a solution for the deadbeat solar company that moved after starting my solar in 2020 at first they tried contracting the electrician locally but after three electricians bailed they finally sent one of their own from Ohio. This past July 2022 He came and finished the install and wiring but failed to bring documentation of his credentials for the city permit process. Here it is almost a year later and their electrician still can’t provide the documentation of his license to the city for inspection. So my solar has been hooked up but I can’t turn it on without the city inspection and the two way meter from the electric company. Wait I did not mention that the place they put the wiring through the wall to the circuit box was not properly sealed and froze my kitchen water pipes on Christmas Eve this past winter with no water for 5 days and cost me 140.00 to fix. plus the 60 dollars for foam insulation to plug the hole In the wall. I like to think I am patient but this is ridiculous.
I did get two protein cookies recipes mixed up. One I put in quart ziplock before baking and rolled inside the bag sealed till I was ready to bake. The second one I mixed up the recipe calls to divide batter into quarters to make 4 cookies. First time I made batter is pretty wet, so this time I covered bowl put in fridge overnight before dividing. Worked out great. First time the cookies seemed dry but this time they came out great. I also edited the protein ice cream recipe with protein milk instead of almond. When I put two cubes in ninja with milk to soften, the density of the cubes opened the seal on the ninja container. What a mess. Knows not to immerse base. so I unplugged and rinsed it. Put base upside down on towel. Put the softened mess in bowl and enjoyed it. Recipe tastes so good now, just have to work on the ninja process. Maybe set timer for 5 min before starting ninja. At least I can laugh at myself.
yesterday I went to Lowe’s for workshop on raised garden beds. Cold very cold outside for workshop. Got directions for a very high above ground garden bed, that will cost 91.00 project With a 10.00 coupon. It would be ideal for herbs. May have to wait on that. But they also have the blocks to put on ground to slide boards into. Currently on sale 2 for 5,00. They recommend white wood? White pine or cedar for food beds, treated woods can be used for flower beds.
today was try to get mowing done started earlier in the week and temps dropped to don’t bother. I got east parkways done north parkway and north side of house around the blue spruce. Got most of west side done but will have to fix yard workers attempt to fix the pool fence to keep dogs from escaping. At least you know I am staying busy. I have been putting music channels on xfinity and I am liking it While I am doing stuff. I can say even when I am frustrated I am happy overall.
Tuesday plumber is coming. Another busy week according to my notes of tasks to do.
 
Well the buyer for one motorcycle got the money, but I can’t find the folder with 3 certified death certificates and the two motorcycle titles. It also had the card for the better busine bureau number in it so I have been driving myself crazy looking for the folder waking up in the middle of the night to look some more. Went to state motor vehicle site and reported husband’s death with his birth certificate, the only certified copy of death certificate from my paperwork safe and his driver’s license. Should have title in two weeks. Then the money from the sale will straighten out a lot of other things that are on my mind, like the plumber Who’s fixing the shower faucet sink faucet with hose/sprayer so I stop flooding myself using the cookie sheets. And the small bathroom faucet. He has already removed the garbage disposal and fixed the small bathroom toilet with new insides. My missing yard worker just found out about husbands passing he came by today. We talked I told him what happened. He mowed the inside the fences and I took him to husbands grave. While he mowed I finally made the icing for a cake I made For Easter to take to his family ( now I have to make them a new cake) which I froze before frosting it. Was teaching myself how to make ganache like on the tv baking shows. based on school grades I give myself a b- since I still had unmelted pieces of chocolate in the ganache which is supposed to be smooth as silk. It still tasted good And spread well on the layers. The white icing was fluffy and smooth and the first time I ever made with egg whites. Then I gave most of the cake to my yard worker and his friends. It was such a joy to see them arguing over it and wanting to eat my goodies after husband would barely touch anything I made so stuff would go to waste. Husband did say I was a good cook but it becomes questionable when I have most of it not eaten.
son’s lady came by and in one hour what we got done still has me in wonder. We moved everything behind the door to put the room air conditioner/dehumidifier in a home place and made room in the laundry room for the plumber to work. Then we went through more paperwork and eliminated at least a half paper grocery bag full. Happy dance. Gave away another piece of cake to one of husbands former coworkers. I feel great About everything I have done so far except for misplacing that folder. Well just keeping you updated. Tomorrow is weed eating or flooring haven’t made up my mind yet. Be fun stay safe and tell a funny story and make someone smile. I did make me some protein brownies this evening. And the dishes are done.
 
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