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To Tell or not to Tell

Kapoorvilla

Kapoorvilla

Member
Hi Everyone

I am really enjoying this site! In person support groups have never been my thing but this I like!

Anywho to the question at hand. Noone save immediate family knows I am considering the surgery. I am leaning toward sleeve but have not ruled out the switch. i have only attended the seminar thus far. I will see my general doctor on Jun 12th to discuss his opinion of the matter and my bariatric doctor June 14th. My mind is pertty much made up if insurance approves I am going to do it! The question is who will I tell and who will I not???

I would love to hear from some of you and know how far you went in letting it be known. I have a friend on FB who I know she has had it because of the tremendous loss in short time but she has never public acknowledged it. What about some of you experienced post op folks have you had people walk right up and say "Did u have THE surgery?"

I have always been very private never making big announcements about what I am going to do, but I wonder if silence will cause more of a stir??:cool:
 
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Hey Kap
I was proud of the fact I was going to have surgery, and I told anyone who would listen! I work in a hospital surrounded by doctors and nurses who have given me much support. Some say "your not that fat" or "your not heavy enough are you?" (I laugh at their honesty!), but in the end it matters what I feel and my doctors. Do what you feel is comfortable for you!
 
HI Kapoorvilla,
I asked myself the same question who or who not to tell. A friend of mine introduced me the Western Bariatric so she knew from day one. She helped me along the road to surgery. I didn't tell anyone until the day before surgery. I told my church group to pray because I was having surgery in the morning. Also the Saturday before I told another lady at church who had gastric bypass over a year ago that I was having the surgery on Monday. All of a sudden most everyone in church knew. And that was ok. I needed their support and their prayers.
I told my sister because we both struggled with weight. She conquered her years ago and is now very thin. I am just starting. She is a big support however we live on opposite ends of the country.
I will not post it on face book because it is a private matter and I don't want the word to get out to ... well lets say my aunt. She is and always has been so obsessed with weight. Too heavy, too skinny, you don't eat enough. You've gained weight-eat some more. I need to get all of my strength up before I visit with her. And then I am just going to tell her that I am on a special diet, which I am, guided by a weight loss doctor, which I am. This way she can't tell me I am not eating enough. I love her but I also love me.
My suggestion for you is to do whatever you feel is best for you. You will figure it out as time goes on.
Good luck. OH, I had the ruin-y (not spelled right) gastric bypass. My doctor recommended me for that surgery because I am an addict to carbohydrates which in reality is sugar as opposed to the lap band. I never considered the sleeve. I watched videos my doctor had which informed me about the different surgeries. That helped a lot.
Good luck to you.
Don't let anyone tell you it is an easy journey-it is not. However it is different for everyone. I hear the first 3 months are the hardest. I am only at month 2.
 
Kapoorvilla-In my experience once you tell ONE person everyone else eventually finds out *LOL* Go with what makes you comfortable.
 
I am a very private person, I did not share with anyone while I was making my decision and going through all the steps. When surgery got closer I decided I was proud of my decision and I did not care who knew. Once I told people they were and are so supportive. I had complications so I was happy for all the prayers and I was getting a lot of emails, flowers, plants, cards, and well wishes which helped to keep me fighting, and to not go into a deep depression. Each person needs to do what works for them and today I am still happy I told people...
 
Let people wonder, its none of there business what you are doing, you do need support so i would tell your husband if you are married and another family member you can trust. I told a few people but that was it, i did want all the questions and the why are you having it.... everyone has different reasons why they have the surgery, i had mine due to medical things going on with my liver but some people think i did it to look good in size what ever jeans, well thats my side effect really I did it to be healthy for me and my children and to be able to serve God better and the side effect from it was i will look good in smaller clothing and i will look good for my husband but no one else, Do what you feel is right for you, let the others guess...:rolleyes:
 
Love the way you think Crymsynslady. @ Pat yeah if anyone person finds out it is all down hill from there as far as keeping it quite.

I love the idea of being able to serve my Lord better. My family always helps in children and teens ministry. As I get older that gets harder with this weight on me:p I think I would be a better witness and a better teacher if I wasn't distracted by all that comes along with being so obese. I am also diabetes II, High blood, and fatty liver so health is a big reason!

I have told my inner circle husband, children, parents, and siblings. That is as far as I plan to go. My church family, co workers, and general acquaintances are going to be kept in the dark for now. I have often been shocked by peoples right out nosy bold questions. I don't do that to others so it always leaves me shocked when folks do it to me LOL!
 
I told my mom & I didn't mind her telling my sisters. I told my husband & my daughter. I told my friend. I do have face book ,and I posted it up,but I have less then 30 friends,and it's staying that way. I won't tell everyone I see down the streets,but in the future as I slim down after surgery if people ask I will be honest. No need to lie. There could be a woman/man that's extremely over weight,and maybe can't decide to do surgery or not,but if they see me they might get motivated.
 
I am wondering the same thing....I am not a very private person, but am wondering what people from my church and friends will say.... a few have already said I am making a drastic decision and need to just diet. So, not sure I want to tell many others for fear that they too will try to talk me out of it.

Jessica
 
Hi Jessica,
I have people trying to talk me out of it too, that think you can just diet if you really want too, but I dont think they understand our struggles and how hard it is because they haven't been there, ultimately its between you and the Lord if you get peace through prayer than go for it.
prayerfully Sandra
 
Hi Sandra, you are so right, it is between me and the Lord. I keep wanting to put my upcoming surgery on our email prayer chain, but not sure of the comments I will get and really don't want to deal with the people that don't support my decision, ya know? Thanks for the kind words!

Jessica
 
I didn't tell too many people, just my 3 nieces. I was outside the other day and my next door neighbor said "WOW, you look good, what have you been doing?" I was honest and told him about the surgery. There is a restaurant in my neighborhood I used to go to when I was getting around without a wheelchair. There is a lady who eats there who would come up to me with a "before" picture of herself and would tell me about her WLS. I didn't mind the first 1 or 2 times but after the 5th or 6th time I finally went off on her. I think she was taking things to the extreme and I do not ever want to be that way. If someone asks me about it and wants to know more I will tell them more but will not force my story on them.
 
Hey Kap, hope all is well with you. I am having the switch done probably sometime in May. Just waiting for the insurance which should be anytime now. Most everyone I talk to approves of me having the surgery. If they question why, I just tell them it was for medical reasons, which is true in my case. Yes, I have tried losing weight, but could not keep it off long term. Now I have a prolapsed bladder and they want the weight off quickly so I can have bladder surgery. I wish you luck, keep us posted as to which you decide upon.
 
I am so glad you asked this question. Here's my 2 cents worth. In 2003 I had a lap band done and told no one. I too am by nature not anxious to share something so private. I lost 50 lbs in a year, and that was it. I did not have a lot of success with the band, so I was glad I didn't tell anyone, because it made my failure less public. I have gained it all back plus 30 more lbs. But now I have health issue that make it more medically necessary than cosmetic, so I had a band conversion to gastric bypass 5 days ago.

This time I told everyone I cared to know about it. My family, friends, my staff and co-workers, even close business associates. My life is going to change drastically and I don't think I can manage that change with out them being in on it. I can not believe how supportive 95% of them have been! I have people calling my husband to check on me. My assistant gave my husband a list of mobile numbers that he had to text when I came out of the surgery to let them know everything went well. My church friends prayed for me. I have received flowers and texts and emails of support, not to mention calls from friends and family checking in and offering good wishes for my recovery and weight loss success. It has been wonderful!

I did not go as far as posting about my WLS on Facebook, though. That seems a bit too out there for me. I am not ready to have the whole WLS issue debated on my wall. But since I do like the social media side of things, I am very glad I found this site.

The few who have been non-supportive fall into 2 categories. Those who care about me and are concerned that something can go wrong with the surgery. And others who are either jealous because they either don't have the insurance or the courage to do it themselves, or just are not happy to see other people succeed. I don't have many people like that in my life, so I can recognize who they are right away.

Of course I don't have the luxury of hiding my failure if I blow it like the last time. But then again this time, failure is not an option. And the publication of the surgery will actually help ensure that I do succeed. Statistics show that the re-gain rate is much higher for those who keep their WLS a secret. So from my view, TELL EVERYBODY! Good luck with it, whichever you choose.
 
Thank you all so much for you answers! It truly help me look at this from many angles I would have not been able to otherwise. Ascooke63 is my sister and I am so glad to have that support to be going through this together. We have told family and have got a mix bag of reactions as you would expect. My in laws are sprinkled with doctors and not even all of them agree! (Their fields include: Oncologist, OBYN, Heart Surgeon, Emergency Care, And Sleep Specialist) The doctors who do not agree are disgruntled by those who find away to eat around the surgery and gain back. Those who agree have experienced patients and friends who have found success.

Like everyone else their opinions are colored by their personal experiences rather than the overall bigger picture. It is because of this fact I will only share with those outside my inner circle with whom it may benefit to know. I want make broadcasted announcements on Facebook or in church or work circles. However I will not be ashamed on evasive if ask I will answer honestly because that is what Christ would have me do.

@ Jess I am putting you in my prayers. I probably will not tell my entire church for the same reasons you mentioned. I agree with every thing my sis (ascooke) said to you. I am so excited for you that your surgery is just around the corner mine seems so far off not even having a date yet.

@Pat I am so sorry you experienced that lady at the restaurant!! Well intending folks sometimes do more harm than good. I promise I will not force my story on anyone or try to make anyone that is what they should do. It kind of made me think of Christians who out of a good heart turn others off by being too pushy. Like Christianity WLS is a personal choice that no one else can make for us. However like my faith I will always be wiling to share with those who are willing to hear.

@ Queenie How are you feeling five days out?? You sound determine and that is great!

@Nana I am so interested in following your story I am waiting to see my surgeon June 14th that will begin my six months of testing etc required by my insurance. I know restriction is not enough to take my weight off. I can restrict my calories and have been successful in doing so over long periods of time. My body just will not let the weight go. I have read the switch changes the metabolism and it stays changed longer than any other surgery. Do you mind sharing why you chose this surgery option?
 
With my insurance I only had to do 3 months of required tests and nutrition classes. I was told to modify my eating now, as required to limit bread, pasta, rice and soda, and I am to exercise 3 days a week, which is hard for me to do because I have a 2 mm disc protrusion L5-S1 and a narrowing in the spine, and am in pain in my lower back and and down my left leg, so my exercising is limited depending on the pain I am in at any given time. I did well on the South Beach diet for a bit, but never could get down under 250. I didn't choose it per se, but when I went to the surgeon for my first visit, I was considering gastric bypass. I went through the usual, weigh in, vitals, height, BMI, and was told that first of all they wanted to rule out the band, because of my BMI, and the success rate was not as good. That combined with the fact that I needed the weight off quicker because my OB/GYN wants to operate on my bladder but won't do so until the weight is off. After listening to my options, my husband and I discussed it and we both agreed that the switch would be the better option under these circumstances. The long term success rate was better and there was little to no weight gain even 20 years down the road. When I mentioned the fact that I had never heard of this surgery, I was told that this has been being done for years, just they used to do it in 2 separate surgeries. This was also reassuring for me. I will let you know when my date is as soon as I find out. Hopefully it will be soon.:cool:
 
Hi Kapoorvilla. I am doing better each day, thank you. I won't lie and tell you it was a piece of cake. My experience was worse than most because I had an adverse reaction to the morphine. Turns out that runs in my family, but since I don't think I have ever had it before, I had no idea. Once I was off morphine and started the liquid vicodin, things started to pick up. So ask around your family if anyone has had a bad reaction to vicodin. Find out what the alternatives are. It is rare, but believe me, I wish I had known what would happen!
 
Hi Sandra,
Try not to let anyone change your mind, I made that mistake and it took me another year to do what I wanted. I gave up a year because I listened to others instaed of my heart.

How far are you into the process?
 
Hi Donna,
Im just beginning I've been to a seminar and my first appointment with the doctor is June 14th. I'm not gonna give up , My health is to bad all my doctors ( Heart, Lung and Family) have recommended It saying thats pretty much my only alternative if I want to be any better. The risk of something happening to me without having the surgery are about triple the risk of having the surgery! I have faith in the Lord and believe he will be with me what ever happens so therefore I'll be fine, but thanks for the encouragement I need it too! How are you doing since your surgery? What made you choose the sleeve versus other options?
 
At first, I didn't want anyone to know... I was ashamed it got to this point. Then, about 10 months ago, I brought the subject up in a meeting at church and I was flooded with compassion and support. It's taken 10 months to get to this point -- 1 week from surgery. I told my kids and my mom and a couple of co-workers a few months ago. I told my oldest brother and dad a few weeks ago, and finally, I've just decided, I was only ashamed because I thought I was taking the easy way out. I've since learned THIS IS NOT EASY! I'm no longer ashamed and have told almost everyone. I'm a fairly recent (5 years) cancer survivor, so I know how important a good support network is. I thank God that I have a great family and church family that supports me in my journeys. Blessings to you!
 
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