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Keeping The Weight Off aka The Long Term Struggle

missyinacage said:
I see so many posts where people come in, struggling a year, 2, 5 and more, with maintaining the success they've had. And they immediately take off again. I feel this may be because the majority of our posts are pre op or first 6 months post op. I LOVE that we help the newbies succeed. But I'd like a spot for us "oldies" (sorry, guys!) to have a space to share our struggles without worrying about scaring off the beginners or being embarrassed that we're actually struggling or haven't been as successful as we had hoped.

I maintain my 5lb range and feel I have been overall successful. Still, I worry that I won't be able to long term. I struggle with late night snacks, less than ideal food choices and a love of iced coffee over water. I work waaay harder than I thought I would have to at maintenance and know many others struggle with it or even gaining. And so often our response is .. Do Better. Which fair, but also not kind, or supportive. So, if you're struggling long term, please share. It makes it easier to know I'm not the only one trying to force myself to suck down 64 oz of water instead of iced coffee and only succeeding about 80% of the time. And maybe those who show up with a weight gain 5 years out would feel comfortable enough to stay.
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Hi all,
I had RNY 13 years ago. I lost nearly 90 pounds and have maintained it. I weigh daily and catch the creep!
 
Emf122872 said:
I am also new i don’t have surgery date yet but I been on keto the last two years. however I do get that craving for a slice of cake or pie . Don’t eat thou. How about you do you still get those cravings?
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I do not, I am 4 months post op. If I am at a function, I do my best to eat my protein, but I am now more watching how much I'm eating. If I want a piece of cake of course we can't fit a piece anymore. 1-3 bites I allow myself then push the plate a way
 
The Japanese also have a saying that basically translates to eat only until you are 80% full or just until you are no longer hungry.

When those cravings come, and you will inevitably give in to one, you'll never feel bad IF you didn't overdo it. Like Ange said, take few bites and move on. I just remind myself that this is not the last time I'll have the opportunity to have cake so, why gorge?

For so long, I would think "back to dieting tomorrow" (or Monday or the 1st lol) and then eat everything I could get my hands on because I could never have it again .. As if!! Now, if I want ice cream, (I don't actually like cake) I eat it. But I get a kids size cup, no toppings, instead of a large sundae. It still hits the spot.
 
dianeseattle said:
Hi Em. You'll always have cravings for anything you're "addicted" to. I don't mean it to seem so literal, but imagining life without cravings--i wouldn't want to live! Cravings are part of desire, passion, motivation, pleasure. I think fighting them is unnatural, which is why it's so hard.

So, okay, what am I saying? Well, I used to canoe white-water rivers and if things went a little sideways, I didn't try to paddle upstream to avoid a rock or a current. I learned that the best way to survive is to stay calm, put your paddle straight down into the water and just move it in a circular motion vertically, which stabilizes the direction the boat is going. Yeah, with food you instinctively want to fight against it, but that's not normal human behavior. We eat. We like it. But some of us get hooked into an obsessive thought pattern about it, and that is what turns eating into something we perceive as bad.

Missy mentioned keeping a journal. I can't agree more strongly with that. I'm not even going to explain why a food journal works so well. Just try it and remember, BE HONEST about every crumb. The more aware you become, the more you'll feel in control. And practice relaxation, deep breathing, breathing into a panicky thought, telling yourself you're fine, it's fine, don't get sucked in. If you crave a piece of pie, why not try cutting off a sliver, putting it formally on a nice china plate, getting out a beautiful silver fork, a lovely linen napkin, and set it down on a nice placemat on a table with a tablecloth? Then sit down, no tv, no telephone or laptop, and take tiny bites, allowing them to melt into your mouth, putting your fork down between bites, dabbing your mouth with your napkin, making a big ceremony about it? Don't punish food for being delicious. Allow. Allow. Allow yourself to love it without fighting that love. Just plan in advance not to gorge yourself, and to be in sync with eating, not fighting.

The Japanese tea ceremony is very similar to what I described in the white water story. There are a lot of beautiful books and online places where you can study the ceremony and all the philosophies behind it. Jay McInerney wrote a gorgeous book, "Ransom," a novel about a westerner living in Japan, and how that compared to his East Coast Harvard lifestyle and the culture shock behind all that. There are undoubtedly better resources, but I hope you get the point. Culturally, especially in Japanese cuisine, the place setting is more important than the recipes. Setting a beautiful table, then sitting down for rice and tofu, is a luscious contradiction.

Don't punish food, don't punish yourself. These negatives are like throwing gasoline on your blazing eating disorder. Feed your head with positive thoughts and admit that you LOVE food, and you can have a little with respect and restraint while feeling really good about it. It might sound hard, or illogical, but what are you doing now? Why are you eating so much and not loving it? Food is for survival, of course, but if it wasn't also a nearly erotic pleasure, we'd just be grazing in a pasture somewhere from dawn to dusk.

Oh, yeah, I just remembered, check my profile. I have photos there of my love affair with food. It takes me way longer to cook than eat in some cases, but I am aware of every bite, I taste every kind of flavor and I do so unabashedly. Thank god for WLS, as the experience allowed me to love food without gorging myself and feeling ashamed.
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I will thank you
 
I'm having a hard time in the evenings too. What I have started doing is going back to the protein shakes. But I'm one of those that like them. I either drink one right before I know I will eat a large calorie/carb-rich dinner or I will drink one at 7:30ish if I start to get hungry. Sometimes I do both lol. It helps me to not eat as much and feel full faster. If it is the evening, I will drink it slowly to keep my mind occupied. They are not too calorie dense and give you some good protein. I also got some sugar-free hard candies to suck on or some gum to chew. I also try to keep my hands busy such as an adult connect the dots book, crossword puzzles, etc. or some type of game on my phone so that my hands are busy with something else and not shoveling food into my mouth. It's so easy to be watching television and then start eating and pretty soon you have eaten a whole bag of chips, etc.
 
JudyNY said:
I have been struggling with how to answer this thread because I feel like I have fallen in a dark hole and can't get myself out. I really don't know what is wrong with me. I know better and get through most of the day fine but it all falls apart at night. It's like a whole other person emerges, the old me.

What everyone has been worried about is happening to me. I have regained 40+ pounds. At times I can take off some of it but it always seems it comes back so fast and then more. Today I am going back to basics. It's not like I don't know what I need to do but I can't seem to follow through. I haven't been in a good place mentally and it is taking its toll.

I have been hard on myself lately hoping that will get me back on track but it just backfires and then I start feeling like I can't do this. I need major inspiration and need to think positively. So much negative stuff at home and in the world doesn't help but I can't use it as an excuse as there will always be something.
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i have the exact same problem! Working on back to basics but struggling because of too many temptations and mindless grazing . Yes.….I know better….so frustrating to feel so out of control ‍
 
I really have to track when I find myself eating too much at night or eating too many things I shouldn't. I kinda hate it, as I feel like I don't want to be so hyper aware of food for the rest of my life. BUT the fact is, I don't always make the best decisions. But, if I track my meals before I eat them, I can adjust what I have later. So I make sure I have gotten all my macro requirements. And then I know if I can have some air popped popcorn or if I better just have a SF Jello lol
 
JudyNY said:
I have been struggling with how to answer this thread because I feel like I have fallen in a dark hole and can't get myself out. I really don't know what is wrong with me. I know better and get through most of the day fine but it all falls apart at night. It's like a whole other person emerges, the old me.

What everyone has been worried about is happening to me. I have regained 40+ pounds. At times I can take off some of it but it always seems it comes back so fast and then more. Today I am going back to basics. It's not like I don't know what I need to do but I can't seem to follow through. I haven't been in a good place mentally and it is taking its toll.

I have been hard on myself lately hoping that will get me back on track but it just backfires and then I start feeling like I can't do this. I need major inspiration and need to think positively. So much negative stuff at home and in the world doesn't help but I can't use it as an excuse as there will always be something.
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Hi Judy. Thank you for sharing your story! I came here today (it's been a while), because I have allowed myself to gain 15 pounds from my post-op low, and I wasn't even at my goal yet... I had 24 pounds still to lose. So, I have only lost 53 pounds. That is great, overall, but I know that I can do better, be better, and feel better.

I feel ashamed of myself and am trying to get my focus back on the basics, remembering how great I felt when I was down those 18 pounds. I could say that I am stressed, not active enough in the cold of winter, etc., but that is all BS. Life is pretty good, and I have a home gym. I have just gotten complacent, lazy, and indulgent about my food addiction, like that problem was in the past for me. It's not.

I wish you success as you go back to basics, too. That is what I am doing-- focusing on water, protein, less sugar. I know we can do it!
 
Yes to all of this. At my very lowest I was 153. I didn't actually want to be there, so spent a year + at 158-163. When I hit the high end, I'd rein myself back in until I hit the low again. The problem there is unstructured eating becomes the reward for good behavior. Like I weigh what I'm supposed to so eat whatever. But "whatever" quickly turned into unhealthy foods for me.

I'm up to 167-170. I'm very worried I'm going to 5-10lb myself right back to where I was previously. I measure and track my food for a few days, get down a few pounds and start F-ing off again. I stopped coming here because I don't want to be SO focused on eating and the scale for the rest of my life. But, I'm pretty sure, if I plan on staying thin(ish), that's my only option.
 
I’m 3-6# away from my goal of 170# and find myself F-ing off in food choices, too, Missy. I’m slowing down in my weight loss and I know exactly why that’s happening. Part of me is really self conscious about how much older I’m looking, the fat isn’t filling out the face wrinkles anymore and the bat wings are no joke. Ultimately, it’s about health and not beauty, because I wasn’t exactly cute at 253#. Keep up the fight!
 
Suthy, I was also worried about looking older. I’m 54. I know many people who had bariatric surgery & the weight loss really aged their face. I’ve been using hylauronic acid gel or serum since surgery and I’m happy with the results. The bat wings I can live with, but I’m struggling with the inner thigh saggy skin.
 
Man, its always something isn't it? Women always have something they dislike about themselves. I am sure this is true for some men too but women in particular are taught we are never quite good enough.

Even when you lose weight, a HUGE accomplishment, its still " I hate my ..." Wrinkles, under eye bags, bat wings, flabby belly, saggy ass, WRINKLY KNEES!! lol that last is mine

I also find that the further away from surgery I am, the more flaws I find. Now, I am used to being thinner, It used to be "Wow, look at my tiny legs!" Buy 5 mini skirts. Its now "WOW! Look at those wrinkly ass knees! Disgusting"! Buy 5 pairs of jeans.

Maybe this week, we should all go thru some old pics of what we USED to look like and be happy for how far we've come.
 
I feel the need to clarify…I’m VERY happy with my progress. I’m down 87 lbs, currently at 136, & have NO regrets. I just didn’t expect to have this amount of loose skin. I’m still wearing the short skirts that I love. Wearing tank tops to work out in. One of the things surgery has done for me is that I’m not invisible anymore. In my opinion, no matter how smart you are or how hard you work, people in general don’t tend to pay attention to morbidly obese people. People notice me now & I’m very proud of my progress & how hard I worked to get here.
 
I seem to just keep gaining, regardless of what I do. I was down around 165-167. I'm up to close to 180 if not more. I know stress and my body being out of wack isn't helpful but I'm so frustrated. The doc just keeps saying "work out." And when I say "figure out why I get lightheaded just walking on a treadmill and I will." They have nothing to say.



I feel uncomfortable all the time and and over the cookie cutter response from professionals.
 
That sounds concerning, Tokash. I have to suggest that you word your issues differently. (it shouldn't matter but does.) Too many people, including doctors, hear "I get lightheaded just walking on a treadmill" as an excuse. The treadmill isn't the culprit. Walking is. So give your doctor specific details. "When I have to walk for more than X minutes, I get very lightheaded. I have to stop and rest or sit for X amount of time, until I feel strong enough to continue." And explain how that affects your day to day life, not just your workout sessions. Also, let them know that even when you decrease your caloric intake, (and give them numbers) you cannot lose the weight. It takes a 3500 calorie deficit to lose 1 pound. So, if you are dropping your caloric intake by 500 calories per day and still aren't losing after 2 weeks, its a health issue and not an intake issue.

For me the weight gain is a math equation .. More calories going in than being used. I am not as active right now as I am in the warmer months. So, I need to lower my intake or increase my workouts.
 
missyinacage said:
Man, its always something isn't it? Women always have something they dislike about themselves. I am sure this is true for some men too but women in particular are taught we are never quite good enough.

Even when you lose weight, a HUGE accomplishment, its still " I hate my ..." Wrinkles, under eye bags, bat wings, flabby belly, saggy ass, WRINKLY KNEES!! lol that last is mine

I also find that the further away from surgery I am, the more flaws I find. Now, I am used to being thinner, It used to be "Wow, look at my tiny legs!" Buy 5 mini skirts. Its now "WOW! Look at those wrinkly ass knees! Disgusting"! Buy 5 pairs of jeans.

Maybe this week, we should all go thru some old pics of what we USED to look like and be happy for how far we've come.
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What a great idea, Missy!
 
missyinacage said:
That sounds concerning, Tokash. I have to suggest that you word your issues differently. (it shouldn't matter but does.) Too many people, including doctors, hear "I get lightheaded just walking on a treadmill" as an excuse. The treadmill isn't the culprit. Walking is. So give your doctor specific details. "When I have to walk for more than X minutes, I get very lightheaded. I have to stop and rest or sit for X amount of time, until I feel strong enough to continue." And explain how that affects your day to day life, not just your workout sessions. Also, let them know that even when you decrease your caloric intake, (and give them numbers) you cannot lose the weight. It takes a 3500 calorie deficit to lose 1 pound. So, if you are dropping your caloric intake by 500 calories per day and still aren't losing after 2 weeks, its a health issue and not an intake issue.































































































































For me the weight gain is a math equation .. More calories going in than being used. I am not as active right now as I am in the warmer months. So, I need to lower my intake or increase my workouts.































The li
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missyinacage said:
That sounds concerning, Tokash. I have to suggest that you word your issues differently. (it shouldn't matter but does.) Too many people, including doctors, hear "I get lightheaded just walking on a treadmill" as an excuse. The treadmill isn't the culprit. Walking is. So give your doctor specific details. "When I have to walk for more than X minutes, I get very lightheaded. I have to stop and rest or sit for X amount of time, until I feel strong enough to continue." And explain how that affects your day to day life, not just your workout sessions. Also, let them know that even when you decrease your caloric intake, (and give them numbers) you cannot lose the weight. It takes a 3500 calorie deficit to lose 1 pound. So, if you are dropping your caloric intake by 500 calories per day and still aren't losing after 2 weeks, its a health issue and not an intake issue.































For me the weight gain is a math equation .. More calories going in than being used. I am not as active right now as I am in the warmer months. So, I need to lower62 my intake or increase my workouts.
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I have always been light headed. I'm pretty sure it's blood pressure related. Typically it's low 100/62. On the lowest day it's been 98/62. I have told all my docs and they brush it off. I eat the same breakfast and lunch daily. Dinner varies. Stress is huge and I know that but not much I can do to reduce it more than I am. I have a incredibly highly sensitive system and I'm always taking/feeling something. Since the doc appointment I have gone up 2 pounds and hovering close to 180 only change is increased water and doing a protein shake for lunch(never really ate lunch before). Generally, I give up. I will try walking more when it gets warmer but given it's mn. I'm always freezing and my joints hurt like crazy.
 
Tokash said:
I seem to just keep gaining, regardless of what I do. I was down around 165-167. I'm up to close to 180 if not more. I know stress and my body being out of wack isn't helpful but I'm so frustrated. The doc just keeps saying "work out." And when I say "figure out why I get lightheaded just walking on a treadmill and I will." They have nothing to say.



I feel uncomfortable all the time and and over the cookie cutter response from professionals.
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I have been in the same situation over the last year to 18 months. I have been doing a lot of research, and one of the things that I found is a line of thought that some intense exercise can actually increase your cortisol levels, essentially negating the workout as well as increasing hunger - all of which then just turns into a cycle. This seems to be an issue once someone hits perimenopause and beyond, but depending on your hormone levels could impact someone of any age. The suggestion is to do more of the yoga, pilates, moderate weights to gain muscle, and moderate cardio (walking, slower bike ride, etc.). So, first I got my hormones back in line (hysterectomy messed me up bad)... now I am going to focus on pilates and adding more walking now that weather is starting to turn.
 
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