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Just need to chat

I

Itstamy

Member
Hi this is my first post.
So I have been thru all appts now waiting for surgeon appt. I'm nervous that they will say no.
That being said my husband is not supportive at all and I find that really no one is.
I am super excited to have the surgery ( as a tool on my belt to fight fatness). I feel like I have to always explain myself to people. I have built of 36 and I'm tall so people just think I don't need it. Trying not to go on and on just needed to vent. I'm doing this for me and I'll stay the course alone.
 
Why isn’t your husband supportive? I had people, including my mom, tell me “you’re not that big”, and question the surgery a little. I just respond that it’s not about the weight, it’s about my overall health. I was close to 300lbs, prediabetic with high cholesterol, boreline high blood pressure, and my joints were always hurting. At 38 years old I was not willing to let the rest of my life be like that. So that’s what I would tell people. I’m so happy that I chose my health over anything else. But my husband, kids, sisters, and friends have been amazing throughout the whole thing. My mom came around but sometime I think it still bothers her. Too bad for her!
 
Maybe he is afraid that if you lose the weight and gain confidence you won’t need him anymore. He might be afraid of losing you. I don’t know him so I couldn’t say for sure, but I’ve heard of that happening. If that’s the case he probably needs reassurance, it sucjs though because YOU are the one about to have surgery m and you need reassurance too.
 
Qweensgambit said:
Maybe he is afraid that if you lose the weight and gain confidence you won’t need him anymore. He might be afraid of losing you. I don’t know him so I couldn’t say for sure, but I’ve heard of that happening. If that’s the case he probably needs reassurance, it sucjs though because YOU are the one about to have surgery m and you need reassurance too.
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THIS!! This happens a lot!
 
Itstamy said:
My husband just never believes in me he just keeps saying you won't be able to do it, you will quit.
My mom is far away from me she just loves me and I think does not fully understand she's 81. So that's my support system.
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I know he’s your husband, and I’m not trying to talk out of turn here, but y’all might need some counseling to “survive” this. You will change, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need him. He however needs to change that attitude now.
 
Welcome to the group! If there is one thing I know for sure, you will get wonderful support here so vent as often as you need to. Sorry to hear you aren't getting support at home. Keep reminding them that you need to do this for your health. I think maybe your husband might be insecure about what would happen down the road or maybe he is truly worried about you taking a risk with surgery. Try to keep the communication open between the two of you. Maybe if he is better educated on the health benefits he won't think that this is something you are doing just to look better. Good luck!
 
I’ve heard of people having partners that were so insecure, so afraid of losing the one they love that they tried to sabotage their weight loss!

On the other hand, I know a couple who were very much in love and supportive of one another. When the woman had weight loss surgery and appearance began to change she got a lot of attention from men. It went to her head. She totally changed, and started acting different.. She cheated on him and he caught her, and they got in a big fight. It might or might not have gotten physical, I wasn’t there but she accused him of domestic violence and threw him out of the house (which was his parents house, his childhood home that they left to him) Eventually he got the house back and she moved upstate with another guy. They ended up getting divorced.

The moral of the story is maybe your husband is afraid something like that might happen. Therapy is a great idea. Big changes can be difficult to deal with even when they are positive changes.m
 
Hello and welcome. I have to say I love your enthusiasm. Especially in the face of your lack of support. Honestly, my husband was not very supportive at the beginning. As he has always been my biggest cheerleader, I was honestly surprised at how adamantly he was against it. It turned out, he was worried he'd be left behind or possibly even worse in his opinion, dragged along on a healthy diet/weight loss journey. He knew that things were about to change and most people are uncomfortable with change. Especially when it's not their choice. So, I concur with everyone else. Try to understand where he is coming from . I'm more concerned that you said he "just never believes in me.". Because he IS eventually going to have to get on board. So keep those lines of communication all the way open.
 
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