Thank you for this post. I made a decision to start looking for some support today and I came across your words. I feel like they were my words and it was the push I needed to make some changes. I hate how I feel lately and never thought I would be back to this place of hating how I look and feel. I have gained 40 pounds and I need to get back on track. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone in this struggle.
Keeping The Weight Off aka The Long Term Struggle
- Thread starter missyinacage
- Start date
Ange6012
Member
Agreed!
Ange6012
Member
Kat, I am 56, did this for me and my health as well. Want to participate in life and be able to do things with my family I could not.
Some people as hurtful and uncaring as it is do not even realize how verbally judgemental they are being. I call them out for judging when they do not know the circumstances surrounding the person or their journey. I'm all about someone's individual journey, they are living it, and feeling it and no one has tge right to judge.
missyinacage
Member
I saw a comedy routine 1 time that said "how am I messing with your SELF esteem?!? Its how you feel about your SELF." And while we all know the answer to that is complicated, I decided to take it to heart. You might hurt my feelings if you say something mean about me, but I do not internalize other peoples issues.
Judging others is usually done by people trying to feel superior. I try to always look inward. Maybe someone could really use to loses few pounds/drink less/read a damn book or whatever. But the fact is, I am more interested in my OWN improvement.
So if someone judges you, try to remember they are actually just avoiding judging themselves. Its easy to judge others. Its hard to work on yourself. If people would worry more about themselves and less about others the world would be a much better place!
Judging others is usually done by people trying to feel superior. I try to always look inward. Maybe someone could really use to loses few pounds/drink less/read a damn book or whatever. But the fact is, I am more interested in my OWN improvement.
So if someone judges you, try to remember they are actually just avoiding judging themselves. Its easy to judge others. Its hard to work on yourself. If people would worry more about themselves and less about others the world would be a much better place!
Ange6012
Member
Love this!
moremeatplease
Member
I did not go into the decision to have VSG surgery with the "magical" thinking some have referenced, either. Shared experiences was the reason I joined this site before surgery. Since having my surgery on 2/15/2022, I haven't been on here much because I wasn't seeing the struggles I was dealing with addressed. I hadn't seen anything about the "3 week stall" that many people experience. Then when I hit it, I was so discouraged because I thought I was doing something wrong. That stall lasted for just over a month before it broke. Now I'm 4 months post-op and at another stall where the weight is coming off at maybe a pound a week or less. Those types of struggles aren't really shared here, just the successes. Maybe some advice about the first few weeks post-op, as I know we "newbies" have a lot of questions. We appreciate your help during those uncertain times immensely! However, we ALSO need to hear the struggles in order to know what we could possibly experience. We need to learn from the wisdom of those who have gone before us. We need to know that it's normal to have stalls, gains, setbacks, etc., but to keep moving forward and it will eventually get better. Share the struggles as well as the successes so that we know we haven't totally screwed up by making this decision when we hit a wall. We have the pertinent medical information from the Drs. We need the real-life, experiential information from the "oldies" to know that our struggles aren't an indication that we're doing it all wrong. Sometimes our bodies are adjusting, sometimes they don't respond to certain things, sometimes they respond negatively. Help us remember that we're all in this together, the good, bad and ugly of it.
missyinacage
Member
The 3 week stall is legendary on this site lol I would suggest that anyone with specific struggles, especially early on, use the SEARCH option. If you search 3 week stall there are a ton of posts. Certainly not all of them are positive and celebratory.
I certainly understand what you're saying, but support gets a bit tricky the further out you get. I would not say WLS is easy in the 1st year, but those months spent healing combined with the hormonal changes create a wonderful space for weight loss. Enter year 3 .. you can eat more, you've eaten less healthy foods (and liked them) and your body has become accustomed to those initial changes. All those healthy choices become CHOICES again. Formerly obese people do not always make the best food choices.
As we all know from when we were fat, the response to that is judgement and guilt! People respond rudely to regain a lot of the time. I'm not excluding newbies, I'm trying to make a safe space for those who come in with regain looking for help. Too often the response is negative, and those struggling leave and give up. I hate that.
I certainly understand what you're saying, but support gets a bit tricky the further out you get. I would not say WLS is easy in the 1st year, but those months spent healing combined with the hormonal changes create a wonderful space for weight loss. Enter year 3 .. you can eat more, you've eaten less healthy foods (and liked them) and your body has become accustomed to those initial changes. All those healthy choices become CHOICES again. Formerly obese people do not always make the best food choices.
As we all know from when we were fat, the response to that is judgement and guilt! People respond rudely to regain a lot of the time. I'm not excluding newbies, I'm trying to make a safe space for those who come in with regain looking for help. Too often the response is negative, and those struggling leave and give up. I hate that.
missyinacage
Member
2 years post op, I find I am still learning to live this new lifestyle. For the most part, the way I think about food is much different. I have given up "omg, this is so good, I must keep eating until its gone!!" thinking. Because, there will always be another opportunity to have whatever that food is.
For example, if I buy an ice cream cone and feel full I don't feel bad throwing the rest away. But it did get me thinking how so often children are pushed to finish what's on their plate. With restaurant portions being what they are, it is a wonder anyone is a healthy weight!
I do still struggle with the mental fear of regain. I lost about 100 lbs TWICE in my past and gained it back. So, I have this constant fear that I will become too lax and 2lbs will turn into 20 and I'll be back where I started. I constantly have to remind myself that I am physically incapable of eating the amounts I used to eat.
I am still so grateful that I had the surgery. I feel freaking amazing and except for the saggy knees, look pretty good too
For example, if I buy an ice cream cone and feel full I don't feel bad throwing the rest away. But it did get me thinking how so often children are pushed to finish what's on their plate. With restaurant portions being what they are, it is a wonder anyone is a healthy weight!
I do still struggle with the mental fear of regain. I lost about 100 lbs TWICE in my past and gained it back. So, I have this constant fear that I will become too lax and 2lbs will turn into 20 and I'll be back where I started. I constantly have to remind myself that I am physically incapable of eating the amounts I used to eat.
I am still so grateful that I had the surgery. I feel freaking amazing and except for the saggy knees, look pretty good too
KAT in PA
Member
One of my fears pre-surgery was not EVER being able to enjoy some foods that I love, in moderation. That I may have to forgo ever enjoying certain foods again. I echo your words of "there will always be another opportunity to have whatever food that is". I know some people struggle more, or dump, or, or, or... but many of us are not giving up foods we enjoy but rather enjoying them on a special occasion, a small taste or portion, finding healthier food swaps...enough to satisfy our taste buds. Someone said on here to remember the 90/10 rule. Eat well and mindful of your plan at least 90% of the time, and allow yourself some occasional indulgences 10% of the time. That's a good reference point for me! My indulgences probably aren't even 10%, but maybe 2% but 90/10 is easier to remember!
I'm with you on the flying arms. I'm afraid mine will flab & flap so much, I actually might go airborne if I'm caught in a high wind! Lol
missyinacage
Member
Isn't it strange the things that bother us? I still have a saggy stomach (obviously) BUT that was always there, albeit bigger, so that doesn't bother me at all.
I took a video of my flapping arms on a road trip and sent it to my cousin cuz that is hysterical to me. The knees tho make me crazy .. Who has saggy knees?!?!
I took a video of my flapping arms on a road trip and sent it to my cousin cuz that is hysterical to me. The knees tho make me crazy .. Who has saggy knees?!?!
3momchaos
Member
My bat wings are really bothering me. But not because of the sag, they’re itchy!! It just got bad recently though. I’ve been using creams to help, but nothings working. No rash, just ridiculously dry. I’ve always carried a lot of extra fat and now skin on my upper arms and never worried about how it looks. I still don’t. It’s hot out so I’m wearing tank tops! People just need to watch out in case I use my bat wings to take off!! Lol
Ange6012
Member
We are all in this together but I think many people feel the same as you when it happens. Feel they must be doing something wrong so they don't say anything. I think all experiences help us grow. I for one know I blame myself if something goes wrong. I was reprimanded for weighing myself everyday. Some would stop posting because of that. Not me. It's my journey and I will do what I feel I need to. Weighing everyday helps me see maybe I didn't drink enough water yesterday or my choices were not the best. Since I log everything I eat in my bariastic app I am learning that the days I don't log (busy days) are the days the scale will show it tomorrow. I am a stress eater and trying to change that. If I have to log it, I'm less likely to eat it. But if I'm very busy I forget....to drink water. Have enough protein or meals. Even skipping can cause a stall for me
Ange6012
Member
I'm getting the flaps myself and my inner thighs are beginning to wrinkle. Thank God I never allow the light on when I'm undressed
But all the Debbie downers ask me what are you going to do with all that hanging skin when u have it.
My response with visual is:
I will tuck that shit in and enjoy noting how I got it! Lol
I'm not into wearing shorts or showing lots of skin anyway so 3/4 length sleeves and long pants year round is not unusual for those who know me
missyinacage
Member
I have always worn shorts and tanks. Summer is HOT!! Why should I suffer because some ppl are judge-y. Some ppl are going to judge you whether you're fat, skinny, flabby, wrinkled or even if your eyebrows aren't "on fleek". Because those ppl can only feel good about themselves by feeling superior in some way to others. And if all they've got is "Whew! I'm glad MY knees don't look like hers!", that is a sad commentary on their self value.
Ange6012
Member
That's not why I don't wear shorts and sleeveless. I am not and have never been one to worry about what others think. I myself am not into showing lots of skin. Believe it or not, you get used to the clothes. I'm usually very cold when wearing short sleeves
I'm right there with you on not going sleeveless. I never wore tank tops, just always preferred sleeves. And I've been rather self conscious about my legs. I had edema and ended up with infections that left scarring on one of my lower legs. Eventually I will get over that, probably, but leggings get me through til then.